to think my bloody mother is a pain in the arse?

[MyNameIsKenAdams]

No one can ever say or do anything without her commenting on it. Ever. No one can do anything differently to how she does it without them being wrong. Her way is The Way.

She does a perfect cats bum mouth.

She gives her opinion even when it isn't requested.

She does a hundred thousand things that bug the living daylights out of me.

Fwiw I usually just dilute her with work etc but theres 15 of us all on holiday atm and frankly, how I have not exploded I do not know.

I am pg so not sure if its the hormones too but I suspect not.

Rage.

[Leeds2]

I think next year your baby will prevent you from going on holiday.

[littlemisssarcastic]

I also have the same mother. I am still surprised by just how much she notices and how, despite being so judgemental about others, she cannot see how unpleasant the things she says sound, or perhaps she doesn't care.
It makes me shudder and bristle all at the same time and I find it very difficult to understand how she can be so bloody rude/sexist/bitter and in any way think this is acceptable behaviour.
I have only recently realised that this is her problem, because I spent years seeking the holy grail of getting mothers approval unsuccessfully.

Whenever anything bad ever happened, she would always come back with 'I could see that coming.' just never thought to mention it to anyone because you're not actually a bloody mind reader are you mother

She judges everyone in a negative way, and if you are struggling, well she can sympathise because she has always had it that bit worse than you at some point in her life.
'How do you think I felt when I had no money/6 dc to feed/3 pt jobs/lived in a high crime area etc? while you complain that your 1 child is teething, you live in a nice area but your neighbours arent friendly, you're on ML, and you've had a large bill through.

Have gone on more than I intended. Sorry.

[MyNameIsKenAdams]

I already have a two and a bit year old whose face she is always in. Then when dd shies away dm gets a cob on.

Yesssss.....holiday with a 3yo and a 4mo might be a bit much next year. Shame really as dh loves this holiday but doesnt drive so cant exactly take himself.

[lurkingfromhome]

Mine too. Is a lovely, kind, generous woman with all the right values and has been a really wonderful parent in many many ways, but is the most intolerant person I have ever met.

Everyone is wrong except her. If you don't live your life in exactly the way she & DF do, you are just Doing It All Wrong. She hates all her friends (still sees them regularly but rants constantly about them). Gets far far too involved in other people's lives and is cutting and judgemental about them with regard to things that don't remotely matter.

Is racist, sexist and disapproving of just about everyone. Uses the Daily Mail as her reference work of who to disapprove of. It is very wearing to hear the same embittered nonsense over and over and over again. Can't blame old age as she has always been like this.

I really envy those people I hear about who all pile off on family holidays and actually have fun. Or who go away for weekends with their mum and have a jolly old time with laughs galore. If I tried that I would be throwing myself off the roof of a tall building after the third hour of listening to moaning about people claiming benefits when they shouldn't be.

Phew. Went on a bit there. Sorry.

[2rebecca]

If it's that bad I'd just not go next time. I think extended family holidays only work if you are only together some of the time and can escape, and all get on. 15 sounds far too many. Surprised to hear your husband enjoys it , usually these holidays are much more fun for the person whose family it is.

[MaryWestmacott]

Nope, you can't make it next year, shame.

I have a 'hard work' mother. It's got worse as she's got older, or maybe I've realised more and more how much crap she spouts.

Oh and mine told the world when I told her I was pregnant each time. The time I lost hte baby, apparenlty it was very cruel of me that I made her tell everyone she told I was pg that I'd lost it as those calls where hard to make - because it'd been a delight for me to call all these distant relatives to tell them I'd lost the baby. 3rd time round (DC2), I just waited until after the scan to tell her. She got 5 hours ahead of hte facebook announcement to call the world.

[MyNameIsKenAdams]

Dh enjoys it because it is an outdoorsy holiday, in a great location and he loves the outdoors. However he also finds DM tiresome. He is very laid back though and can just shrug off her pain in the arsedness.

[MyNameIsKenAdams]

Mmm a couple of hours ahead of FB. Good idea. I didnt announce anything on fb with dd, but might have to thiss time so she doesnt get to be the one who gets to tell all.

When I got married, I stored my wedding dress at her house, then found out she had been sneaking people up to see it - we had a very small wedding and by the time I found out, 90percent of the guests had seen it. I flipped and brpught the dress to my house, and changed my plans to stay at my own house the night before the weddng instead.

[MaryWestmacott]

Oh but if you do that way round, be warned, I got a call from my dad that mum was disappointed, she'd left a message for one Aunt who was out, but that Aunt checked her fb before calling my mum back and it was hurtful that Aunt called my mum and said "Congratulations, I hear your Mary is pregnant again!" this ruined it for my mum. Seems being pregnant is not my news to tell...

My parents have a holiday home, it's near some nice big hills so DH deals with going there by taking his mountain bike, going off for the whole day, returning for dinner. However, I'd be there all day with the DCs and them. I've just said we're not going again. Ever. Life is too short.

[DontWannaBeObamasElf]

How about this gem....."If it wasn't for me she wouldn't be here so I trump you". Eh no, that's not how it works.

[waceystills]

Not just me that has a mum like this then.

Any tips for dealing with her would be greatly appreciated. It's got far worse since I had DS. Everything I do is wrong it seems. Not feeding him enough, feeding him too much (believed on demand feeding was a nasty rumour I picked up from the evil internet!).

He's too cold, too hot; needs solids (he was 3 months) he is manipulated me and I shouldn't pick him up when he cries - he was 6 weeks.

I'm not even allowed to push the pram when we are out and about as "I have him all week to myself".

He's her 6th grandchild, you'd think it was her first.

I have to smile and nod ALOT. And grit my teeth plenty.

She's ignorant, a casual racist and bloody rude. What happened to my mum, I'm sure she wasn't always like this?

GRR she drives me mad and I spend one day a week with her. She loves my DS so much and that is very lovely but I am starting to dread the weekly visits....

[meddie]

Glad ti know Im not alone here. Last went on holiday with my mum in 2000. Have managed to avoid it since despite huge hints. I do feel sorry for her sometimes, she wants a holiday but I just cant take the constant negativity, judgemental attitude, talking in a mega loud whisper about others. All the things already mentioned.Plus she has the annoying habit of either grabbing your wrist or banging your arm as she talks.Its constant. I had bruises on my upper arm last time we met.

[FusilliJerry]

I am so glad I'm not only one gritting my teeth at my mum over parenting my children. I love her to bits, and I know she is far better than many I read about . If I've asked them to do something, she'll parrot what I've said before they even have a chance to respond. She'll parent them even if I'm there. I have on occasion said something, but it doesn't last long. She couldn't understand why I snapped when dd1 was a fussy eating 2yo, and she'd told her to eat up 10 times in ten minutes!( I know, I counted!)

[DontWannaBeObamasElf]

I knew that wouldn't last long, she's on about weekend plans but the way I see it if you ignore me through the week I don't want to see you at the weekend!

[SnookyPooky]

You all stole my Mum!
To be fair, my Mum is incredibly generous, amazing in a crisis and 99% fantastic. It's just that 1% that is negative, racist, Daily Mail-ist etc.
And my Christ, she could get an Olympic gold medal for talking.

[getdownshep]

My mum has told me several times in the last two weeks that I'm very mean and my dh agrees with her. What this is based on I have no idea.
Before that I was very anti social and too fond of my dogs.
The fact we live 150 miles away, I don't talk to her that often and dh hasn't spoken to her for months is besides the point
The thought of going on holiday with her fills me with horror, a three hour visit is about my limit.

[lurkingfromhome]

Oh yes, snookypooky, our mothers are twins. Amazing in many ways, the living embodiment of the Daily Mail in others. Forgot to mention that mine has a pretty loud voice, no notion of the concept of a comfortable silence and no thought goes unexpressed.

DH and I have fairly quiet voices and spend a fair amount of time just watching movies, reading or sitting happily not talking too much. It is like a full-on assault being at my mum's house listening to hours of loud and angry ranting. Aaargh!

[cheerfultrail]

This is my mother too! She always thinks she is Right. And then says things like "perhaps it's me that's wrong" whilst never actually meaning it and revising her opinions! She is also deaf and comments "under her breath" about others in their hearing, without realising they can hear every word! Embarrassing, especially with my in- laws, who she dislikes! I could never go on hol with her in a million years so well done!

[hamptoncourt]

Christ we really do all have the same mother. I am totally NC with mine, but one of her gems was "LOOK AT THAT FAT BLACK WOMAN!!"

OP as PP have said, life is too short. Reduce the amount and the depth of contact so you don't tell her anything that she can actually get stuck into that would hurt you. Be a lot less available. Holidays? Hell no!

Move far far away if necessary. I wish I had!!

Good luck with your pregnancy.

[Biscuitsneeded]

My mother, on a day out at Crealy Adventure park with me and my DCs last summer (which she paid for, because she is very generous and adores my kids) said in her loudest voice "My goodness biscuits, there's a family over there with the most ENORMOUS child I've ever seen in a nappy". Said child's older sister was standing right by us at the time. She just has no awareness. It was so embarrassing with sister right there I couldn't even say for heaven's sake mother he may have special needs, or may only be three but just be very tall, so I just had to pretend she hadn't spoken and change the subject.

Same holiday, on receiving the news by phone that one of my parents' oldest friends had died, alone, of drink (my father was visibly quite shocked and distressed) immediately said, see, biscuits, we won't last forever, so make the most of us. She's 67, in rude health apart from a degree of hypochondria, but it's all about her...

If we're planning a visit to them she always phones up beforehand to give me a list of things she thinks I won't remember to bring (like raincoats and wellies for my DC, or food for the journey). How does she think I have made it to age 41 and kept two children alive and well all this time?

She also likes to engage my DP in conversation, goading him with 'lighthearted' barbs' like "Oh, do you find you find it very difficult having to live with my daughter? She is messy, isn't she? She is noisy, isn't she? Full of opinions, isn't she? (ahem)" and just generally trying to sow, or mine for, discord. She would never see that this is what she's doing though.

Sorry, I've gone on a bit too. Mine does not read the Daily mail, in fact she would be snobbish about it; she reads the Times but actually closes her mind to anything except the gardening pages!

[Bubblegoose]

Does anyone else ever get constant tearful "I can't do anything right!"s?

The last time this was uttered was after I found her trying to feed 3 month old DD Smarties.

[WitchWay]

The long-winded way of explaining anything / telling any boring tale about people she knows but I don't is also infuriating. She just ail not cut it short but has to give me every little detail about all the day's/week's events leading up to finding the dead rat in the kitchen cupboard after taking out all of the boxes & tins & then taking all of the dusters out of the duster box and all the tea towels , about 30 of them, because she just knew that smell had to be caused by something but the cat hadn't been interested & she'd already had everything out the other day but actually taken the dusters & tea towels out of the duster box & she nearly died because there was a rotting dead rat at the bottom & it must have got in the other week when there was a leak in the pipe outside the kitchen window even though the plumber came & fixed it & she'd had everything out of the cupboards then as well. Phew. Did you throw out all the dusters? I asked, knowing she wouldn't have. No, she had washed them. Bleurgh.

[Lottapianos]

How on earth do we all have the same mother?! It really is sad and shocking how many emotionally abusive and neglectful parents there around. And how they have absolutely no boundaries in relationships e.g. realising that its up to you yo tell your own child off and you don't need a parrot. And the relentless negativity - yes, incredibly wearing. I am in minimal contact with my parents which breaks my heart at times but its the only way to have a chance at happiness

[WitchWay]

just can not, not just all not!

[WitchWay]

I can't do anything right!! - yes yes

My mum burst into tears when it was suggested that letting 9/12 DS play on a dusty carpet that had been under the bed which had just been dismantled as we were moving house was not ideal. He was wheezy already with a cold FFS!