what is it about people that annoys others?

[pamelat]

What attributes annoy you in people?

As im getting on, im realising that I dont have that many friends!!

I have a few close friends, mummy ones, a couple of cousins but they dont have much choice ;) and one school friend. Others seem to have life long networks of close friends.

I think I was rubbish at maintaining friendships at 16/17 when I got my first boyfriend, he was an idiot, very possessive etc.

Now im sad that I lost those friends, its a long time ago but by the delight of facebook, I see that those friends meet up etc and im almost envious!!

More recently, in group situations, school playground, work courses, I find that I make an effort to chat but that no one is very interessted.

Im almost paranoid now. I habe asked my old school friend what it is about me (!!) And shes I credibly honest but says there is nothing.

Dh says im too self absorbed so perhaps just notice it nore. I dont think that I am self absorbed, but am aware of most things around me. Is that self absorbed thougb?!!!

[Cobain]

Sometimes if your world becomes smaller, you have less to talk about and become less interesting. I have a disabled child which restricted my life for a while and friendships slipped, during that time I bored myself as I had so little to say. Since school and respite I have had to find new interest and meet new people and resume old friendships.

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

Op I bet ur not boring and the ex mummy friend doesn't sound much of a friend tbh

It's b great to get anonymous feedback wouldn't it but u sound like ppl like u already if the general consensus is ur too nice. I am fairly sure ppl wouldn't say that about me. I think u need to just find a group that u fit in maybe take up a hobby might b easier to break the ice if u have something in common to start with.

[JockTamsonsBairns]

Welcome back to mumsnet OP, haven't seen you around these parts for a while. Unless I'm confusing you with someone else, I'm sure it was you who helped me enormously about six years ago when I joined MN? If so, I thank you for that.

Anyhow, in terms of your OP, I think people just get lazy about friendships as they get older - and Facebook makes it seem like others are having a whale of a social life. I stay away from fb for that very reason. I've moved around the country a lot as an adult, and haven't maintained friendships as such, although I have the fleeting ones like you speak of. My Dsis has stayed in the same town the whole of her life, and is still close friends with the people she was at primary school with. We're all different, with different life paths aren't we?

Sorry, not terribly helpful - just wanted to acknowledge you as someone I remember who helped me all those years ago!

[alemci]

also be true to yourself. We are all individuals and have different personalities. People have to accept you to some extent but you can rein/reign (sp?) some of your quirks ITMS if you feel better doing so.

I work in a new job and I found that quite hard as no one really talked and sometimes I prattled on a little as I felt uncomfortable. Now i look at my smartphone if I am on a break etc but I am beginning to get to know people better. It can be difficult.

[Hotmad]

I think the main thing you need to do is stop worrying about what others think of you, that can be self destructive. I've found for people to like you, you have to like yourself (something I have struggled with before now). You don't need feedback, you are who you are! Do things to make you happy, you really shouldn't dwell on what other people may or may not think.

[Pigeonhouse]

Well, what attracts you in other people, OP? It goes both ways, you know, and surely it's better to think about what you like in potential friends than in what might be putting others off in your personality or behaviour?

I'll say one thing - you don't sound that interested in yourself, judging by your OP, and I would find that off-putting in a new acquaintance (while recognising that there may be good reasons). You need to be interested in yourself in order to interest other people.

Personally, I like to be around people who love what they do, and who often work in the arts and academia, who are talkative and thoughtful. My friends are all different, all ages, with and without partners and kids, and are scattered around the globe (which is wonderful because we have homes from home in Poland, Brazil, France, Oman, South Africa, Reykjavik, Washington, and a bit crap because there's no close local circle). I would say the only thing we all have in common is spending long periods of time living in countries not our own.

I find small-mindedness unattractive, and spite and herd-following.

[lazyhound444]

A lot of people seem to be the centre of their own universe. I currently work with 2 people who constantly go on and on and ON about their children/husbands/social lives in minute detail. I could tell you just about everything about their lives and they would struggle to even name one of my DCs.

There seems to be a trend towards self absorption. I hear irritating teenage girls all the time saying nonsense like "ooh, look at me, I'm sooo soo random" and similar shite. What happened to self containment and boundaries.

[Grennie]

I think what some see as an unforgivable trait, others see as no big deal.

So I am friends with a woman who is very opinionated and alienates some. But she has friends because she is also funny and good fun.

Or the friend who is very sensitive and easily takes things the wrong way. But is intelligent and interesting to talk to.

You need to find people who like and appreciate you.

[NearTheWindmill]

OP - do you think you might be too anxious about it and making too much of an effort. You have to accept yourself for what and who you are before anyone else can.

I found the primary playground hard but I just used to walk in and say hello and smile and stand aside. Eventually people smiled back and I started to help a bit at school so could say something positive about people's children. Never ever criticise someone else's child. Then of course your dc make friends and you have a topic of conversation with their friends parents.

Having said all that I can't say I made a lifelong friend at the school gate. I met my kindred spirit walking along my road when I least expected it and we just sort of gelled.

What I find annoying are people who ram their intellect down your throat, people who big up their own children all the time and people who don't have jobs but are just sooooo busy they can't find time to contribute to anything. It's the sahm's without a minute to spare I have to walk away from.

[UriGeller]

Thinking about it, I only know one person who I actively dislike.

He's very boorish, demonstrates loud, ostentatious parenting, exclaiming that dd has been able to ride a bicycle since age 1 (yes, forced to get on the damn thing at all hours, including bringing it to our house and sitting her on it and pushing her up and down our hall at 9pm!) , lets her do what she likes, eg: recently at a get together his dd was "iwantiwantiwant" ing, (shes 4 now by the way, not a baby), she particularly wanted a relatives mobile phone (which was quite blingy). Boorish Dad just passed her the fucking phone without even asking!!

He also hides behind The Times when everyone else is doing the boring bits of childcare or chores and thinks he's much cleverer than any of his 'friends' (who all hate him and only tolerate because his wife is genuinely lovely).

He's a wanker. I can basically find the good in anyone I reckon and have friends who have vastly different personalities to mine, but by god I reached my tolerance limit with him!

[Slutbucket]

You sound like you've got some good friends already. They say you can count your true friends on one hand. Look at what's good in your life! :-)

[SoldAtAuction]

I can find something good in most people, and I really try to.
But...
I have a hard time with people who are always negative, have a chip on their shoulder, or talk badly about others.
I know people can have a bad patch, but when they never have anything nice to say, I avoid them. Pessimists drain me. Defeatism is like a disease in some people.

I also hate narrow minded, "my way is the only right way" sorts.
A friend of a friend always gets her dander up, because I raised my DCs very differently than she is doing. She loves telling everyone how to raise their kids. Her oldest is 6.
Mine are 14 and 16 now, and turned out wonderfully, which drives her batty.

[chocolatemademefat]

People with no sense of humour annoy me. And people like The ReluctantCountess make me laugh.

[Forago]

Mine are:

Self importance and inflated sense of own worth

No sense of humour

People who blow hot and cold

[Viviennemary]

I can't stand people who think they have the perfect DH. I knew someone like this. He left. People who think you are an idiot if you don't share their political views.

[quirrelquarrel]

People who run hot and cold on you, like they don't have to protect anyone's feelings but their own

People who keep talking to you even if you make it clear you don't want to talk.....that's mostly old men in pubs

Rude customers and customers that don't say hello back to you....


So probably none of those apply to you OP

[quirrelquarrel]

x post Forago!

[TimeTaker]

People who force their opinions on you/ assume you know nothing about a topic/try to change ever topic of conversation back to their favourite topic and then go on ad nauseam [mums/nans at school bus stop].

People who turn telling you a simple slightly interesting fact into a novel including every minor detail [MIL]

People who don't pick up they are boring you (see two points above) by going on and on and on stating the obvious!

People who are rude/ignorant/dismissive/fake/entitled/snobby.

Honestly, I do like most people and even like people who do the above (but in small doses)!

[Nancy66]

People I have binned off recently include

Person with verbal diarrhoea - just never shut up

very flaky person. Always cancelling at last minute and unreliable.

person with too many damn dramas (which weren't dramas at all, just everyday life she built into massive deal)

[Thetallesttower]

I don't think it is anything about you, to be honest.

You have mummy friends, you have relations you are in touch with and one old friend. That's not bad going- there are quite a few people on here who would say they have no friends.

If anything you may be too nice. That ex-friend who told you all those things had a cheek, but she must have thought you were going to take it to even mention those things- I don't think many people would dare have a conversation to me about what they didn't like about me!

The qualities I look for in friends (and perhaps they look for in me) are to be fun, interesting, good listeners (they have to be, I talk a lot!), make an effort (not all the time, just within their capacity, no effort will end up with no friendship over the years). Usually we have a laugh, are on the same wavelength in terms of humour. Don't care if they have no children/children/slightly different life stage.

Its a shame you lost touch with older friends, but realistically you can't change the past now, and if you abandon people then they do just drop you.

I don't see that much wrong with your current friendship situation and wonder if you are perhaps falling for all these Facebook updates that make people look mega-popular and always on hols/out with friends. I am not sure that this applies to many people, esp not with small kids.

[Thetallesttower]

Also, I don't think you tend to lose friendships because you are annoying, but because no-one makes the effort. I do find lots of people really slack and not making the effort, but when I contact them they seem quite lonely and don't have many mummy friends on the same wavelength and desperately seem to want them. I then wonder why they don't make more effort with their existing friends then!

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Tight people
Self absorbed people
People who use others
People who have no morals
People who have bigoted opinions

[TheSmallClanger]

You do not sound irritating to me. Your DH sounds like an arse, and you sound a bit unconfident, that's all. We all get stuck in ruts.

I get irritated by one-track minds, whether that be people that witter on about their kids all the time, or people who bore on about politics at the dinner table. Related to this, I hate conversational snobbery and people who think they are better than others because they blether on about politics or social theory while everyone else is chatting about stuff that has happened.

I am also reducing my contact with another old friend because she can't or won't commit to meeting up properly. She will either invite others along, insist on "popping in" to various places for hours on end, or be late because she's with someone else. It is very irritating and makes me think she doesn't actually enjoy my company that much.

[HolidayArmadillo]

People who don't understand the value of a companionable silence. Not every gap has to be filled with inane chatter. In fact if I'm not looking up from my phone/book/paper it's because I don't want to effing speak to you.
People who can't take a hint.
People who are negative, woe is me, the world owes me a favour type. Yep sometimes shit happens and it's bloody awful, but most of the time folk are moaning their wallet won't fit in all of their fifties and their diamond shoes are too tight!
People who know everything. Except they know jaff all they just proclaim to be 'the knowledge' on all subjects. And won't ever admit they might not have a bloody clue.
People who complain they have flu when it's just a cold. Or take to their bed for any sniffle.
People who are generally pathetic. I can't even describe it. It's just a thing.

Eeeps. I come across as a pretty angry intolerant person. I'm not really. Honest guv.

[BobFlemming]

Anyone who when I leave them, has left me feeling uncomfortable or "less" in some way. That's it.