Inspired by the Dear Husband confession thread

[SunMakesMeHappy]

Dear DP

Im leaving you. I know you wont ever read this but your upstairs happily snoring away & im downstairs fuming, i need to get it off my chest.

Im sorry I let you & the doctors pressure me into having a medical abortion. I know our baby wasn't well & i know she would of never lived with both kidneys not working & her lungs not formed properly. Im fully aware she would of died anyway, but i cannot forgive you into what i feel was making me do it. You dont seem to feel guilty, i cry everyday because i know i technically killed our first child.

I know the 4 hours she lived were a joy, but it angers me aswell. I was told she wouldn't feel any pain, she must of bern in agony trying to breathe. And if she put up such a fight then what's to say she wouldn't of put upba fight at full term? Im so angry at you for pushing mw into doing it. Im more angry at myself for being that weak i made the wrong decision.

I feel as though you all tricked me if im being honest. Im sorry you've changed since our daughter died. You've gone from a happy outgoing man to a man who drinks too much and you've become violent.

I love you to bits but i despise for how things have become. I tell you ive forgiven you for beating me up when i was 6 weeks pregnant with our 2nd pregnancy. But when i had a miscarrige i blamed you in my head and i still do now. When we got pregnant for the 3rd time and then lost it your just not the same man.

Tonight we were discussing our daughters birthday and when i said i didnt understand somthing yiu started screaming at me, you were pissed and i was sober. You then got in my face and strangled me with my dressing gown, while you were strangling me i tried to fight you off and ended up scratching your neck. You pulled my hair and told me if i ever did that again you'd kill me. Then tried to cuddle me and told me to stop crying.

I asked you if you thought this was normal and you said im twisting things? I cant take this sort of life anymore. Im 5'4 and weigh 9st and your 6'4 and weigh 15 stone. We dont ever have "fights" we have you attacking me and me trying my hardest to defend myself without making you even more angry.

Its a shame this has come to this because we were so happy once wernt we? Its been 5 years now. Ive tried my hardest to give you a healthy baby, im sorry it hasn't happened.

But i know even with our daughter and the miscarriges that its not an excuse for the way your behaving. Ive bern there every step of the way, ive lived it babe they were my babies too. But i havnt attacked you i dont get blond drunk and start fights. And even though i blame you in my head ive never said it to you cause i dont want to hurt your feelings, isnt that bizarre? Im crying downstairs because you cant keep your hands to yourself again yet i dont want to hurt your feelings?

Im just not right am I. I dont believe im as selfish as you say i am, but im about to become very selfish.

Im leaving you soon, i have friends & family who love me. You've drove away everyone who cared about you and after strangling me tonight you've lost me.

i still love you but i need to look after myself and i deserve to not be assaulted in my own home

I wish things hadn't worked out like this, im sorry about our babies x

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Rather than applying pressure to the op (not much different to the emotional aspect of the abuse she is bound to suffer from her DP however well intentioned our input is)

Why don't we put our heads together and try to come up with some less drastic solutions for the op things that may make it easier and less frightening for her to take,it may very well make it much easier for her to take the big leap when she is able to.

op

Do you have anybody at all on a personal level that you feel safe and able to disclose to?

Or a listening ear service near you.

Should you wish to pm me your location (or if you are concerned about doing this then the next large town or city if within 45 miles of you will do)I would be more than happy to locate a specialist professional so you have their details should you decide to use them.

If you give the next town/city it will mean I won't know exactly where you are but who ever I locate will either cover your area or be able to directly refer you to whoever does.

[SecretLimonadeDrinker]

OP, my heart breaks for you, please let us help you. You're absoluted right, you do not deserve to be treated like this.

[falulahthecat]

he will hound me for it until I pay it back
I cannot make my DP do anything
I never thought I'd be one of these women

I feel like I want to explode - is he hounds yu, you call the police, you do not need to make him do anything, you just need to make your own decisisons based on your happiness, and you are not 'one of these women' - HE is 'one of these men'.

I too was outgoing, happy, confident, I too got into a relationship with a man like your DP, you are not this relationship, you are you.

It feels like the scariest thing in the world, it feels easier to just keep going, keep hoping, but the best thing you could ever do is leave, believe me, someone who did it that you will look back on this and thank yourself for doing it.

I also have a Mother who takes the sides of people who upset me, the fact you are staying with someone who abuses you probably stems from being used to being disrespected by other people.

None of this is your fault, and going through terrible times with someone does not mean you need to, or should, stay together.

Are you going to put up with this for another 60 years? Do you want this to be your life forever now? The answer to both of those for me was NO. You are vulnerable and unhappy and you live with a controlling partner who does not apologise for making you feel unsafe.

You deserve to be happy, whether that is alone or with someone who makes you feel safe and loved doesn't mater.


Counselling is not just about talking about what makes you said, it can help you identify thought patterns that stop you from feeling worthless.
If you truly think this is an anomaly - why not ask him to go to 'relate' with you - if he loves you and wants it to work he will make an effort.

I'm sorry you felt like the police didn't help you, but as you said, one policewoman did. If you get the same police officer again you have every right to make a complaint against him and ask for someone else.

I know you probably feel like you love him, but there are many types of love, and not all of them are good.

I'm sorry if this is jumbled but I so want you to realise that it is just not as hard as you think, he does not have as much control as you think.
All the threats my ex made against me came to nothing, because men like this turn like this because they feel threatened by being with someone they perceive as 'stronger' than them, or more popular, or too good for them, but when it comes down to it, they are cowards.

[falulahthecat]

It may feel bewildering, but the show of support from all these people who don't even know you should hopefully let you know that you aren't alone.
Leaving him doesn't have to be a big gesture or running away with all his money in the night to a woman's shelter.

It can be small steps. Talking to someone about your relationship, and the terrible loss of your babies, finding out what help there is if you need it, asking friends (I was 'not allowed' friend but found there were a couple of people still very willing to help me get out) if they would support you.

Depending on your relationship with your Mother, perhaps having a long, frank discussion with her about what's really going on.

The more you extricate yourself the better you will feel, until it won't feel so bewildering and scary, and you'll feel like you're gaining yourself back instead of losing even more.