Am I being unreasonable to dislike this response to my status?

[Finsmum86]

Me and my partner have banter about him not clearing up, me being a nag etc. It is only a joke, which I would have thought is pretty standard husband/wife banter.

I put a status today saying 'After waiting six days for the bathroom to be cleaned, I am doing it myself. Men!'

I meant it in jest, and other comments from friends were along the lines of 'i wouldnt trust my husband to clean the bathroom' and 'they do it on purpose so we don't ask them again'. All in a lighthearted manner, with said husbands joining in. My partner did not comment, as his phone is broken so does not have immediate access, although I told him about it, and we were laughing about the comments.He was not annoyed in any way.

A few hours later, I noticed a comment on said status from partners aunty saying 'I dont see my nephew criticising you on facebook. It doesnt make you look good.'

Now I am shocked and a bit annoyed because we were having a joke, and partner was laughing along too. I have always had a distant friendly relationship (she lives far away) with her, with no issues.

I removed her comment and replied to her via inbox, saying sorry she was offended but my comment was in jest and that I think she has found fault were there isn't any. I also sent her a link of a past status of OH's where he had made a joke about me nagging him (which she had actually liked!).


Was I being unreasonable to post this status, or is she being unreasonable?

[Floggingmolly]

I just don't get Facebook. You posted some drivel about cleaning your bathroom and the world and his wife or husband were so entertained they all joined in? . Scintillating...

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

If you didn't want to be criticised you shouldn't have put it, even as a joke. To be honest, if I see comments like that I think the person putting them is being a bit rude about all men and it does put my back up, so I can imagine if it's her relative she might feel quite defensive.

Very rude of you to respond as you did instead of explaining politely, as well - why on earth would you delete her comment?!

[themessyapron]

YABU to write this sexist bullshit drivel.

[sykadelic15]

I think you were and you weren't.

I am careful never to post mean stuff about my husband because people aren't in my relationship and while some will think I'm joking, others won't and that will start "ooo their marriage is in trouble" bullshit that I don't need. In your case, your DH hadn't commented back so all his Aunt saw was you being mean (she didn't know otherwise). She didn't know it was a joking way and she felt she was defending her nephew and was telling you it was crass to insult your husband on FB.

I've read some really questionable stuff on FB that people "joke" about their spouses about. You're openly ridiculing your spouse and making them the butt of jokes, I don't agree with it.

If I'd seen your post, not knowing you and your relationship at all, I'd think you were annoyed as well. I wouldn't have said anything on your status but I would have PM'd you instead to ask about it and if you and your spouse were okay (which probably wouldn't have resulted in you posting it was posted as a joke).

I agree with the person that this sort of thing is "conducting your relationship on FB". If you and he are, even occasionally, insulting each other on FB (even as a joke) then you are conducting your relationship on it. You're putting way too much out there.

You've been "smacked on the hand" by his Aunt and I think you're feeling a little embarrassed that (you think) his Aunt now thinks poorly of you. Just let it go and try and keep that sort of stuff to yourself in future (or try to refrain from insulting your DH in the process...).

[Monty27]

Oh she'll sleep on it, it was banter :)

[LizzieVereker]

I would be mortified if my DP wrote something like that on his FB about me, and we would both be mortified if an Aunty jumped to my defence, and even more mortified if my DP then told said Aunty off.

So I think you are all being a bit unreasonable.

I also think "all men are useless" comments are unreasonable, in the same way that "all women are nags and rubbish drivers" comments are unreasonable, and even if you meant your comment to be harmless banter between yourself and your DH, it just perpetuates these stereotypes.

On a less judgy note - could Aunty have meant her comment to be tongue in cheek? It's so easy to misread on FB.

[WorraLiberty]

She was rude

But having said that, I block all sexist crap from my news feed just in case I find myself getting drawn into it.

I would have accepted a comment about lazy gits and martyrs but I wouldn't have accepted her saying that.

[perplexedpirate]

Pretty rotten to criticize your partner in public. Even more rotten that you appear to live in the 1950s.
Rottenest of all is that you are both prepared to live with a filthy bathroom (6 days?!) rather than sort out your relationship.
I'd say Aunty Facebook is the least of your worries.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

YY, I think it was a bit hasty to jump to the conclusion his aunt was serious now lizzie mentions it - she might have seen others joking and got the tone wrong.

[moominmarvellous]

Eurgh. Can't stand joke-anhialtors. FB is the worst place for it.

They creep in po-faced on a perfectly witty (ok maybe not your post specifically ) status/comment and are the online equivalent of someone farting in the room.

The Auntie is that fart and you are not being unreasonable at all in my book.

[Topaz25]

SIBU. Put interfering in-laws on restricted status where they can't see everything you post. It can be difficult to tell tone online but she didn't have to assume the worst, especially when she liked a previous similar status by him! He's a grown man not a little boy and doesn't need her jumping in to defend him without even asking if he was offended!

[Topaz25]

Maybe he should mention to her that he was not upset at your comment and in fact it's a running joke between you and he does make jokes about you too.

[JohnnyBarthes]

I think she's got a point actually.

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

I would be really irritated reading a load of comments where women belittle men's ability to do housework, this reinforcing the perception that they are somehow biologically incapable of it and therefore it remains women's work (albeit with some exasperated eye-rolling and a fond chuckle at his uselessness, bless him). I would have been itching to post something scathing and point out that my husband does loads of housework and actually taught me HOW to properly clean the bathroom when we moved in together (obviously I still defer to his expertise and let him do it more often than me). I wouldn't have done though, because that would be rude and awkward. I might have challenged you in person but FB is a bit different and I think the aunt was a bit rude. I am on het side of the argument, but don't think her comment was well judged or appropriate.

[LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName]

Tone can't be conveyed on a status, she was defending his honour. Nest thing would have been for dh to come on and say it's all true.

[TamerB]

I can't see why people get so upset about FB. You posted a jokey comment and she didn't understand it, not a big issue.

[dashoflime]

Could it be a generational thing? I think older people have a much narrower view of what is acceptable for public consumption. Which is understandable, because its facebook thsts changed it, drawing us in to a weird mid zone between the public and private and blurring the lines.
Dfil once PM'd DH and asked him to remove a funny picture of DS with his face covered with sudocrem. Apparently people will think we neglect him

[CheshireDing]

SIBU.
I agree with other though that it could be a generation thing. One of our friends has moved to Australia and I can't remember what one of his status updates was exactly but it prompted many responses such as "they let you in then ?!" etc (obviously meant in a jokey way). Then his Mum wrote something like "they are miss you and love you I am sure". It made me snort because she had clearly got the wrong end of the stick and her comment just looked ridiculous . Nobody else had written anything after that, it was like we had all been told off
Defriend.

[Cooroo]

6 days pretty good for bathroom cleaning here too!

If I'm at home alone for a day (rare as I work FT) I use Facebook massively. It means I have people to chat to and my posts may well be a bit trivial. But someone usually finds a good reason to chat along and people who are not interested I hope have the sense to scroll past.

Sorry off topic! OP neither you nor the aunt was BU. She may have been having a bad day which can do terrible things to your sense of humour. She will have read your comment wrong and been understandably miffed. Private chat should sort it but it would be wise to say sorry for the misunderstanding and learn a lesson for the future - humour sometimes needs heavy signposting!

[TamerB]

It is simply that the written word doesn't have tone, facial expression etc
Many threads on MN start with someone saying how dreadful a comment is by a teacher, a MIL and don't we all agree? The answer is that we simply don't know. We were not there, don't know the context, the relationship, the tone, the facial expression etc.
If you are going to get all uptight about comments take care not to post things that can be taken a different way. I have done it in MN and realised, too late, that I am responding seriously to what was a joke.

[TamerB]

I can't see the problem, friends will just look at it and realise that she misunderstood.

[giraffesCantMakeResolutions]

LOL at the bathroom being "filthy" after 6 days! Quick OP get the bleach out before you catch "blob of toothpaste on the sink" disease

[Icelollycraving]

Your status was ok,dull but what fb is largely made of. You were bu to delete her comment & then contact her about it. You should have left it & put a cheeky response. You've made it into a bigger issue now.
6 days before cleaning it is not too bad. I hope you at least swished some bleach down the loo :o

[MinesAPintOfTea]

YABU to conduct your relationship on FB especially via sexist comments. Unless of course you are actually 14.