Not to want ds to be used in this way by the teacher

[lecce]

I can't believe I am starting a thread about schools/teachers - I am a teacher and have been taken aback over the last week or so by the number of critical posts about teachers on here...buuuut, an issue has recurred today that has bothered me each time it has arisen, so I'd like to see what others think.

For the fourth time this year, ds (nearly 7, Y2) has been removed from the class to read to pupil X, who has behavioural issues and, on these occasions, from what ds says, the aim of this has been for ds to help him calm down. Now, I am happy for ds to be taught the value of helping others, and I am also very proud that he has been chosen for this (I have always been told by all his teachers that his behaviour is exemplorary, and that he demonstrates emotional maturity) but I am just not sure that this is the best use of his time.

I suppose what makes it worse is that I have never really felt the school have done a lot to cater for his needs. I have several times expressed concerns about his possible lack of friends (we moved here during Y1), and the responses from the school were always vague: "We'll keep an eye on him..", "Oh, he seems fine..." etc, though, tbf, he does seem to be making friends and this was never an issue he himself complained about.

In terms of his work, he is the only free reader in KS1 and teachers frequently comment on his amazing knowledge and understanding of the world, tell us how bright he is etc, but they don't seem to stretch him or differentiate for him. I really just get the sense that he is doing so well that they just leave him alone, and that is fair enough I suppose, and it is right that those who need more attention should get it, but now I am starting to feel that he is being used.

I don't know - I'm probably being UR, but I don't want to hear of this happening again, tbh. I teach secondary level and am well aware that sensible children will be used for errands etc, and I know this is a good thing in terms of encouraging responsibility and independence etc (as well as being a necessity sometimes), but this is an activity that seems to take 30 minutes or more each time, and I feel it's a step too far.

AIBU?

[3bunnies]

I think to use him as a means of calming down the child, or putting a child at risk of attack when they are alone is unacceptable. Peer supported learning can be useful both ways. My DDs have loved teaching DS some phonics. DD1 loved being paired with a girl with SEN for a week (less so a show-off boy). FIL still talks about the time that his primary teacher divided the class in half and he taught half to read - it was 80+ years ago so not independently verifiable. They all take a pride in having helped people. I would encourage your son to be proud that he was chosen to help, whilst making the teacher aware that you know about it and don't want it to be a regular arrangement.

[brass]

I've surprised myself by my reaction to this, another parent of sensible DC who were used for pairing with disruptive children for reading, trips, experiments, clubs etc and DC would never have volunteered for any of it preferring to be with their own friends.

Extremely unfair imo and punishing a child whatever the teacher's intentions.

[Goldmandra]

Outside of the classroom? With children with identified issues as opposed to differences in ability in a certain skill area?

Quite right but that isn't the only situation described on this thread. I did make that clear.

[ShadowOfTheDay]

it has happened 4 times (less than once a week?) - and you are worried it is taking up too much time?

Our school had a policy of pupils helping others with reading every week - groups of 6 kids at a time went to a different class when they were doing guided reading and helped out listening to readers and reading to individuals for half an hour... all the kids really wanted to do it..

anyone who did really well got to help with library sessions, and got to use the electronic booking out system - there was serious competition for this....

would not have considered my DD helping someone else to be a burden or not to be a good use of her time.. she used to come home so proud that her "reader" had read 2 whole pages today and got every word right... etc.. and that she had read a story about a dog to her reader and they had talked about their own dogs etc..

[Gileswithachainsaw]

would not have considered my DD helping someone else to be a burden or not to be a good use of her time

But the Ds is being asked to read to him to calm him down.

Kids naturally help eachother. My dd does and others help her. They move tables around and they help eachother. Not remotely a problem it's a nice thing to do and all benefit.

However using another child to calm another child down is not right. Comforting a other child- yes obviously children would do that with it even being asked.

But if a child is getting upset and worked up and has trouble with their behaviour which is not their fault obviously, then surely the TA should deal with that, not expect another five yr old to know how to deal with the situation.

[FiscalCliffRocksThisTown]

My son was "used" like this, as he had a positive influence on a boy with ASD, and if the boy behaved for a bit, the reward was that he got to play with my DS in the corridor for a bit.

I told the teacher Iw as not happy about the set p.

She crossed him of the "list" and used another child, whose parents were either not aware or did not complain.

She never consulted parents about this.

She effectively used DS to get the other boy out of the class room for a bit, so she was able to teach in peace and quiet. Only that DS missed out half a lesson, at least once a day. But she thought it justified as she could teach the whole class (minus my DS) better.

These things happen. It is good to be vocal to the teacher if you don't want it to happen to your DS!

[mrsjay]

this is peer support isnt it nothing wrong with it in my opinion they are hoping the good behaviour rubs of on other children if your son and you are unhappy about him doing this then of course you should let the school know, my eldest dd did things like this in primary it helped her be a bit more forthcoming and perhaps the other kid learned to read a bit better , but it is really up to you OP if you dont want him doing this,

[Hoppinggreen]

While I agree this may be a teaching method, if your child's work is suffering or they don't want to do it or in an extreme case being attacked it shouldn't happen.
I also wonder if for teachers it solves 2 problems - they don't have to set extra work for a bright child and don't have to use valuable time to help one that is struggling.
So the struggling child and the teacher are benefitting from this but the more able child isn't.

[Goldmandra]

Fiscal that's a teacher who is justifying appalling practice by covering it up as an activity that can be good practice if done properly.

It's a shame other parents weren't aware.

[DeWe]

If you've expressed concern on lack of friends the teacher might be killing two birds with one stone-ie giving your ds a time one to one where he can make a friendship.

My dd1 and dd2 have both been used like this. Both of them loved the responsibility, and gained a lot by it. I don't see it as an issue if he's happened four times. If it was happening daily, then you might feel it was too much.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Four times since January or four times since Sept? Raise it with his teacher if she's making a habit of it, she probably thinks it's a neat solution. Don't imply DS is too good for peer support, suggest another classmate might like a turn.

[lecce]

Thanks for all the replies. I was expecting a flaming and, while it's lovely not to have got one, it has made me doubt how we are handling (or not) this and other issues.

I think what is getting to me is that nothing seems ever to be laid on especially for him. I don't want to be a pushy parent, and I know he gets loads of scope at home to follow his interests etc, so we have rather left school to it. Now I'm thinking he really should be stimulated more at school. NannyOgg I hate that word 'fine' too at parents' evening - sometimes I feel like they could just put a sign up saying, 'he's fine!'

As a teacher, I am well aware of the benefits of explaining a concept to others to the 'explainer', but that is not what he is doing. He is reading a very simple book (one from child X's bag) and, moreover, it is his use of the words, 'calm him down' that really bother me. It is not my son's job to calm down anyone else. I would not expect him to do this for his brother, I don't expect him to have to do it at school. In fact, he has a tendency to be a bit of a 'little old man' and at times I want him to lighten up! It seems the school are playing up this tendency, not discouraging it, and I'm not happy about that, either. (Though I am being UR about that, as I have never mentioned it to them as being a problem.)

ShadowOfthe day what your dd is doing sounds like a brilliant system and nothing like the situation my ds is in - a shame as he would love that, I think.

Think I will monitor it and mention it if it occurs again, but I am going to follow up the differentiation thing though.

[Goldmandra]

As a teacher, I am well aware of the benefits of explaining a concept to others to the 'explainer',

I knew you would be but others on the thread who see an able child working with a less able child as negative may not have been and it does help some people to realise that their more able child may benefit from the activity too.

I'm glad you're going to give them a nudge about differentiation.

[Hoppinggreen]

Maybe it can help both children Goldmandra but my daughter hates it.
She has been kicked by one boy, stabbed with a pencil by another and had to do the same piece of work 3 times to show other children how to do it.
On joint projects her mark goes down when paired with less able children.
I know she goes to school for non academic reasons as well and I want her to be a nice helpful well rounded child rather than some over achieving alpha meanie but her marks being lowered or her being hurt or upset is not on.
She is actually very kind and loves helping others learn but she does get upset when her work is disrupted.
In some cases I'm sure this type of learning benefits everyone involved but I'm not seeing this in my child's case or in most of the situations described in this thread.

[endlesstidying]

This reminds me of my school. At 15 I found myself seated next to a known trouble maker. Even though he could barely read, regulary swore and shouted and lashed out and generally made life hel he was put in all the top groups as it was thought our influence would rub off on him . I was expected to partner up with him on projects and to quote my class teacher "do what you can to help him endless he's had a horrible time". Well he probably had but honestly I wanted to get on not help someone who seemed to exist on being horrible read primary school level stuff. Eventually I went to the head teacher and told them that either he moved class or I did because I wanted to pass my exams even if he didn't. Thankfully he was moved though I felt sorry for the poor lad who had to sit with him after that :(

YANBU OP

[Goldmandra]

Maybe it can help both children Goldmandra but my daughter hates it.

I can see why she hates it when it's managed that badly! All children would. However I'm sure it's happening to her in more appropriate ways on a daily basis without her even noticing it.

She'll probably make it happen herself at some point too by collaborating with others to do her homework.

[bodygoingsouth]

it's the 'helping to calm him down' that would be rurally unacceptable to me op.

your ds is 7 and with the best will in the world cannot understand how the other child feels or may act leading to your ds being vulnerable and especially as he is outside of the classroom.

as a TA I think this is disgraceful.