Not to want ds to be used in this way by the teacher

[lecce]

I can't believe I am starting a thread about schools/teachers - I am a teacher and have been taken aback over the last week or so by the number of critical posts about teachers on here...buuuut, an issue has recurred today that has bothered me each time it has arisen, so I'd like to see what others think.

For the fourth time this year, ds (nearly 7, Y2) has been removed from the class to read to pupil X, who has behavioural issues and, on these occasions, from what ds says, the aim of this has been for ds to help him calm down. Now, I am happy for ds to be taught the value of helping others, and I am also very proud that he has been chosen for this (I have always been told by all his teachers that his behaviour is exemplorary, and that he demonstrates emotional maturity) but I am just not sure that this is the best use of his time.

I suppose what makes it worse is that I have never really felt the school have done a lot to cater for his needs. I have several times expressed concerns about his possible lack of friends (we moved here during Y1), and the responses from the school were always vague: "We'll keep an eye on him..", "Oh, he seems fine..." etc, though, tbf, he does seem to be making friends and this was never an issue he himself complained about.

In terms of his work, he is the only free reader in KS1 and teachers frequently comment on his amazing knowledge and understanding of the world, tell us how bright he is etc, but they don't seem to stretch him or differentiate for him. I really just get the sense that he is doing so well that they just leave him alone, and that is fair enough I suppose, and it is right that those who need more attention should get it, but now I am starting to feel that he is being used.

I don't know - I'm probably being UR, but I don't want to hear of this happening again, tbh. I teach secondary level and am well aware that sensible children will be used for errands etc, and I know this is a good thing in terms of encouraging responsibility and independence etc (as well as being a necessity sometimes), but this is an activity that seems to take 30 minutes or more each time, and I feel it's a step too far.

AIBU?

[ladyrainy]

Perhaps school are giving him the opportunity to make a friendship with this boy?

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

This used to happen to me at school. I hated it. I would fight tooth and nail if this happened to my children. The teacher should be doing their job properly - not using your child as a substitute.

[YouTheCat]

As a one off, it's fine, so long as he is safe doing the calming down but the staff should be dealing with the lad who needs to calm down really.

[Viviennemary]

I don't think four times this year is excessive. But on the other hand if your son doesn't really want to do this then I don't see why he should be made to do it unless other children do this as well as part of a kind of book buddy scheme that some schools use. But I wouldn't be happy the school was using it as a way of calming down the other child's behaviour. I wonder what Ofsted would have to say about that!

[kerala]

I was a "good" girl predicted a at French gcse. Due to discipline issues I was split up from sitting with my friend and made to sit next to the most disruptive girl in the class. I got a c in French my lowest mark overall. Funny that...

[123rd]

I had this-sort of -issue with DD. she was being taken from top set maths table to "encourage " lower set groups. Again I'm all for helping others etc but not the teacher using my DD as a ta. I asked for it to stop as it did.

[MoominsYonisAreScary]

Ds2 has done his far share of this over the last few years, he also helps out in homework club but its his choice .

[BruthasTortoise]

My DS2 has SEN and in would be fucking livid if some other kid in his class was used to teach him or calm him down. My son is entitled to be taught by a qualified teacher and receiver extra help if necessary from a trained member of staff; not from some random child who just happens to be slightly further ahead than him. Talk about setting the other child up to feel shit about themselves, never mind the affect on your child who is being used as unpaid staff.

[SomethingOnce]

I really just get the sense that he is doing so well that they just leave him alone, and that is fair enough I suppose, and it is right that those who need more attention should get it

In the nicest possible way, it's not fair enough, and you know it. This is how schools fail bright children.

[chipshop]

This happened to me and it still grates! I had to listen to kids read all year and the teacher provided a succession of the most badly behaved boys to sit next to me because I was quiet and could help them with their work. I'd say something.

[dayshiftdoris]

I have a child with ASD and at times challenging behaviour.

I would be FURIOUS if I found out this was happening - there is a risk assessment in place for a reason (or there should be!).

It's not positive for either child unless it's supported well and both children want to work together!

Absolutely complain. I have from the other side...

[unitarian]

I too, as a secondary teacher, was aghast at the way teachers in my DD's first primary school patronised us as parents, ignored DD's needs and generally did their job appallingly badly.

I tried not interfering. I tried complaining in a tactful, unassuming way. I trusted I was dealing with professionals. Primary was not my field. I was uncertain, didn't want to rock the boat, maybe I had over-estimated my DD's ability. Also I was not in the same social loop as the other mums so didn't know if they were satisfied or not.

DD was quiet and hardworking so she was overlooked. I found that the Y1 class teacher hadn't even bothered to learn her name and was talking in very bland terms about a completely different pupil at parents' evening, not just a different perception of the same child. We smelled a rat when she said DD was struggling with numeracy which we knew to be utter nonsense, asked her to describe what our DD looked like and the teacher described someone else.

She was taught in Y2 by a truly gifted and dedicated young teacher whom DD still remembers with deep gratitude - but it meant that we left her in that school longer than we would have done otherwise. (That teacher didn't stay much longer and went on to become an excellent headteacher.)

in Y3 it all went downhill again. DD was so bored she was just going to sleep to shut out the bad behaviour and the teachers ranting at kids. And, yes, she was being used as yours is.

To cut a long story shorter, in the end quiet little me blew up. Completely lost my rag, loudly and bluntly, pulled no punches. Refused to send her to that school again. Found another by the end of that morning.

I deeply regret not doing that sooner.

However, the new school was also a state primary and was absolutely superb. It was led by one of the most remarkable teachers I have ever met.

[Goldmandra]

To be fair to schools, there is good theory to suggest that children learn very effectively from working with a more able peer some of the time and the process of scaffolding another child can be beneficial in terms of consolidating the scaffolder's learning too.

It just needs to be done with the wider picture in mind and someone needs to be careful that both children are safe and learning from the experience.

Around two hours of helping someone else in half an academic year doesn't seem excessive but I wouldn't want it to happen much more often and I'd want to know that it was happening for the right reasons.

[WooWooOwl]

Reading to another pupil isn't really consolidating learning though. I can see the benefit in a child having to explain a concept they have learned to someone else as that really does help them get a better understanding as they have to put it into their own words clearly enough for someone else to understand, but that should be done with a teacher who is at least present to support if needs be.

I think the issue that OP has is that her child is being removed from the classroom and doing nothing but reading, which is probably something he gets time to do both at home and school anyway.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

There also needs to be differentiating of work. The Ds is not getting stretched. He should have extension work and if he's done that in time then he can go help all the other children if he wants to.

But not instead of.

[Thetallesttower]

There is a big benefit in reading aloud, beyond reading in your head, especially for bright children- you have to use expression, check the listener understands, pronounce words you may be slightly unfamiliar with and so on. So, I don't find reading aloud to another child in a paired reading situation to be useless- I get my 10 year old to read to my 8 year old a lot.

However, if he feels put upon or that the situation is stressful I would have a quiet word- just ask what's going on.

As others have said, the lack of differentiation is more worrying, although you may find that in SATS year next year, the whole class steps up a level academically and that in fact, the tone suits your son more. But an informal chat about progress/goals is always a good idea.

[CSIJanner]

This year as in school year? Presuming the class size is approximately 30+students, it would mean that if the teachers are rotating each class member to help, that there have already been 180school days for the school year. Which there hasn't. YANBU - your sons abilities are being taken for granted and used as a teaching/calming tool whilst he himself is not being challenged. Both children here are losing out IMO as neither child is being supported properly.

[CSIJanner]

Sorry - 120 school days!

[Goldmandra]

it's supposed to involve peer training and parental information sessions and informed consent/permission.

This isn't the approach generally taken in the EYFS and AFAIK it's less structured and more spontaneous at least in KS1 too.

There are lots of examples on this thread of parents who view their more able child helping out another negatively and others who think their child has a right to be taught properly by an adult. They don't realise that their child can be learning from these experiences if the situation is appropriate.

An 8YO girl left alone with a volatile peer who has hurt her in the past is unlikely to learn anything positive but an able child asked to explain a recently acquired skill to a peer in an appropriate environment has a good chance of consolidating their own understanding by doing so.

Children can learn effectively from other children and do so in all classrooms every day, without it being highlighted through training or specifically sought consent. Watch a sand table in a good pre-school for five minutes and you'll see it happening very effectively.

[Only1scoop]

Yanbu at all....a friends dd has the same scenario continually at her school. She has been in to speak to teachers regarding this and I don't blame her.