Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2

AIBU?

to not get a reply to a trully heartfelt text asking for support :( nc through ineptitude fromerly catfourfeet

37 replies

dizzycatdance · 03/02/2014 19:34

Hi all

Brief back story

DH with sever short term memory loss, my sister incredibly intrusive ( to say te least) in his medical care. Evil sister Esis

Dh now living away, applied for divorce 10 months ago, nothing happened yet. His sister also controlling / blocking his access to the dc.

My sister closest in age to me has been quite distant through all this does "not want to get involved". But is close to Esis.

After a few attempts to have a meet up. She was generally "too busy" could well be true but given my circumstances I hoped for more support.

Arranged to meet up with sis on Feb 20th for lunch, chat etc.

This last Sat there was a big family get together. Sis was at event from 3pm onwards I arrived at 4:30pm ( as asked, , small house 2 sets of guests as it were)

Sis went out in her car, I casually asked where she had been. She told me that she had visited Esis house but esis was "elsewhere" all very vague / odd. No mention if Esis had been at party.

I wanted to know if Esis had been at the party so texted as follows.

Me :

Hi sis, was esis at the party before I arrived ? Dizzy

....................................................

Sis :

Hi dizzy , as I said to you at the party esis did not come at all. Makes me uncomfortable that you ask me again. I will give our meet up a miss. Take care.

Me:

You didn't say she hadn't come to the party just that se wasn't at her house in a very "vague" way.

No one in the family tells me anything.

I feel soooo cut off.

Esis knows more about my dh that I do.

I feel lost, alone, irrelevant.

im in the middle of the main square now typing this in tears.

im just lost.

......................................................................

I received no reply.

A couple of hours later I sent

Me :

I didn't mean to be rude to you I really didn't.

Id of like to see you but as you have said to me you "don't want to get involved" so I understand why you don't want to meet up.

I feel so,so alone

I will do my best to "take care" but right now I don't even know how.

I wouldn't wish what has happened to me on my worst enemy.

I miss my life.
I have friends I can meet up with but just for a little while I needed, really needed a sister.

I wont trouble you again.

If you do ask me how things are I shall say "fine".

Dizzy#

.............................................

I have sobbed all day, I just needed some support.

In all the time my dh has been away ( nearly 2 years) not one member of my family has rung to ask if I am ok, not one :(

I must be as vile as esis and sil tell my dh I am.

OP posts:

Report

dizzycatdance · 03/02/2014 22:14

I miss my lie, I miss my dh, I miss it, I miss it all

OP posts:

Report

Piscivorus · 03/02/2014 22:24

You are entitled to miss it dizzy, it is normal to feel hurt and angry by how your life has changed and it is sad that your family are not supporting you through this.

You need to focus on keeping yourself healthy and getting through this

Report

dizzycatdance · 03/02/2014 22:33

my head is bangin , im crying so much. proper all the way down to the diaphragm crying.

Im stuck in libmo, I cant move forward, I hope , dear god I hope the therapy can get me some way out of this chaos .

OP posts:

Report

NorthernLurker · 04/02/2014 08:28

Why did you question your sister about your other sister? You didn't need to do that. It was nothing to do with you. She wasn't there when you were there. I can see why your sister was uncomfortable.

Report

Custardo · 04/02/2014 08:39

I don't give a fuck who someone is and whether they are related to me, if I am treated poorly on a consistent basis, I fuck them off.

Report

catfourfeet · 04/02/2014 14:44

Custsrdo :

I'm m confused ??

Are you saying that my sister is right to ignore me "fuck me off" ??

Northern : I wanted know if my esis had been invited enmass with my siblings and I was thus the only sibling to have been in the "second" batch (so to speak).

Not that I minded arriving at differrnt time. Just that the early ones got to all. Do the "surprise " party thing and I'd of liked to have been included.

If esis had been included and not me I would have been n hurt.

It all sounds so "school ground" but at the time seemed important.

I have come off my ad, think I need to go back on.

Report

Hissy · 04/02/2014 14:56

No love, I think she is saying that YOU have the right, no need, to tell them all to FTFO

Report

catfourfeet · 04/02/2014 14:58

Thanks hissy.

Report

HobbetInTheHeadlights · 04/02/2014 16:12

sigh - I have family that blow hot and cold so I never know if I am going to get support or even at times interest.

I can't change their behavior, they don't see my view at all.

I can only change how I react to them - so I try and keep my expectations low and try very hard not to look for support from them - cause when I need it and it isn't given it worse than it was before. It is at times very hard to do.

It was very hurtful when we went though some bad luck accident stuff and needed support and my family didn't want to know made it all worse and was a bit of a shock even though it shouldn't have been really.

I second trying the stalely home threads on here and I hope the counseling helps. In mean time I be putting in emotional distance to avoid their ability to hurt you which mean focusing on you and your DH not people who aren't helping you even if they are family.

Report

HobbetInTheHeadlights · 04/02/2014 16:13

your DH

Sorry your DC - I have a DC agitating for the pc hit wrong keys.

Report

Whizbang · 04/02/2014 23:46

Poor thing - very hard situation. Massive cliché I know, but we don't get to choose our family, and sadly it sounds as though you've been lumbered with a complete dud in esis, which is thoroughly bad luck but of course not your fault at all.

Saddest of all is this: "I am not a very nice person, both mine and dhs family cant all be wrong can they". Er, yes, they absolutely can be. You could easily turn that sentence on its head by saying that both families aren't particularly nice, given the terrible lack of support they've given you in such difficult circumstances. When we're feeling down, it's so easy to start tearing ourselves to bits when, during happier times, we would rightfully feel outraged and quite how crappy others are being.

As hissy has very eloquently put it, this is not your fault at all.

I had one thought though - you mentioned that you had a cousin who you were pretty close to who helps out with practical stuff. Do they realise how badly all this is affecting you? Do you think they could maybe drop a few heavy hints to "nice" sister (inverted comments because she only seems to be nice cos she's less awful than esis, not because she's been particularly kind) about how much her support would mean to you right now?

Just a thought. Anyway, hang in there lovie, this too shall pass

Report

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 05/02/2014 03:20

Oh my sweetheart! You are so not the problem here. Your pathetic excuse for a family is.

I honestly think the only thing which will help you now (other than the therapy you have arranged) is for you to choose to disengage from them all. For the sake of yourself and for your children.

I'm not expecting that to be as easy as it sounds. But if you make that decision, you gain power again. You get to make choices rather than waiting and hoping for something which isn't going to come from anyone else. As it is now, Esis has you exactly where she wants you. Begging to see dh, for the children to have a relationship with their father.

Give yourself the credit you so richly deserve in not going completely under. Cry and grieve for the husband you had. But refuse to play their silly games anymore.