To not want friends to come to mine for a reunion?

[TheDietStartsTomorrow]

This is more of a WWYD than a AIBU, but here goes:

There's 6 of them coming over with kids and a few husbands too. They're my friends from uni and I've kept in touch with all of them over the years, some more than others. There have been times times when we've fallen out of touch for a few months or a year. They're not my closest friends; I hung around with another bunch but these were my classmates so I was on good terms wih them. I like them but to be honest, I don't love them.

There are a few who I have also fallen out with over the years and made up with again. One in particular, I'm not very fond of. But one night on whatsapp, we all started talking about meeting up and I went along with it. They decided on my house, so I agreed at the time because I didn't know how to refuse. I rearranged the date because they wanted to come that very weekend and it wasn't convenient for me and neither was the next weekend so they finally settled on this week. I was trying to put it off as long as I could.

Now, there's a few reasons I'm not looking forward to it. Firstly, they expect me to cook them a fantastic multi course meal. There are at least 7 kids coming too. The friend who I'm not particularly fond of has a tendency to expect things. She wants it to be a great weekend and is just expecting me to pull out all the stops. Not only that, she is very, very nosey and opens cupboards and drawers and sticks her head round every door. She's always commented on how my house is and although she tends to be complimentary in her choice of words, I feel it's all a fake. At the moment, my house is in a bit of a state: kitchen unit doors falling off, scribbled walls, no sofa in living room, carpets need changing etc. I can just imagine the comments.

Not only that, but she is loud, brash and generally very excitable. I don't particularly like being around her.

My weekends are very precious to me. I work throughout the week because with children, I spend the weekend recuperating as well as getting things done for the week. Having said that, I do entertain a lot of guests. But most, if not all of these, I enjoy having them over. They don't expect anything, they don't poke their noses in places and nor are they demanding in other ways.

I've been cleaning all week in preparation for them but there is still much to do. I don't mind the cleaning- I was due a spring clean anyway, but I'm feeling a bit of resentment towards them. I can't make an excuse and cancel without them seeing right through it. Although I don't particularly love them, I don't want to lose all the friendships either by cancelling on them. I can't deal with the negativity that would bring.

One thing I do know though is that if we were meeting at any of their homes, they wouldn't be very keen on it. Everyone's a little selfish, including me I guess, and it's just a free weekend away for some.

I'm not normally such a miser. If it was my closest group of friends from university, I'd love to have them over. They're kind, gracious, loving and non judgmental and I love them all.

So what do I do? Shall I just grin and bear it because it's just a weekend or do I have any way out of it without spoiling my relationship with them?

[kungfupannda]

I think you need to be honest. Just tell them that it's clear that this is going to turn into a much bigger weekend than you can handle in your house, particularly since your DH has been away for a long trip and is going to want some time to wind down, and since people have plans that mean that they can't help out with the catering.

Ask for suggestions about what else you could all do for a reunion. It would be a bit difficult for people to then insist that no, they're all coming to yours.

[pigletmania]

If she disagrees just say I am sorry it's not convenient, use others excuses on here and don't let tat situation happen again!

[puffinnuffin]

I would be honest and say you are looking forward to seeing them but can only do this if everyone chips in and helps, if they don't you won't be able to host.
The people who say they are visiting somewhere else could be bring breakfast stuff such as a few packets of croissants, jam, breakfast cereals which don't go off. Anyone who doesn't bring in anything thing will have to do the washing up and tidying. If they are friends they will understand.

Is it possible for them just to come for the day though?

[SarahBumBarer]

The only problem with that is that if she has more balls than you and says no, you may have lost your chance to use DH as an excuse for cancelling altogether. I like MmeM's suggestion btw. I would do this because it is entirely reasonable - and they're not a group I would be devastated to lose.

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

OP, be prepared for that cheeky cow to bat it straight back into your court.

If she declines the use of her house that's the point at which you think 'bugger this' and call it off.

Were you always the friend atuniversity who did all of the legwork and made all of the effort?

[brettgirl2]

What problems would cancelling cause if you don't like them very much? I am starting to get because I am wondering if you actually want sympathy rather than to sort it out. No sympathy from me I would just tell them where to get off, pure and simple.

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

What problems would you incur if you cancel?

[Thetallesttower]

I wouldn't wait to speak with him- you are all discussing what to do now, so why not just tell them Sat night at yours is off but you would love to meet up Sun?

Op, you seem to be hoping your husband will be the bad guy for you, but it's up to you given you say yes. Just be clear. I think you are likely to annoy people much more by dithering, sending ambiguous messages and letting them know too late if they have booked tickets.

[CalamityKate]

"Sorry all - been chatting to DH and he's pointed out how mad I was to think that we could cater for so many people! Loaves and fishes were mentioned lol! Anyway shall we take a vote on a) Booking somewhere for dinner for all of us and organising a b+b for those that want to stay, b) Organising everyone chipping in and bringing a dish so I can enjoy catching up with you all instead of rushing round like a madperson or c) Any other ideas welcome?"

[Rissolesfortea]

They have all got incredible cheek expecting you to put them all up and feed them several meals when they are putting in no effort at all for the weekend. But to then expect to bring DP's and DC too is beyond belief!

Just say NO!

[Thetallesttower]

D and V doesn't solve the problem, because it would have to be at the last minute. I would be extremely annoyed if someone fake cancelled at the last minute when they could have just been honest the week before. They will know it's a fake cancel because the Op is trying to get out of it already.

[BrianTheMole]

Local hotel for that amount of people. Tell them it will be too much with dh coming home, and check availability / prices of hotel / b and b.

[sallysoubriquet]

Agree with brettgirl


Yes your friends are cheeky fukkaz and no mistake, but you put yourself in the wrong the minute you said yes and you get further and further into the wrong with every minute you delay cancelling.

I have sympathy with you insofar as having got this far without cancelling you really will look like the bad guy if you pull out now, so my inclination would be to suck it up this once and then get some bloody ovaries and don't get ambushed into doing something you don't want to do EVER AGAIN. You really do have only yourself to blame.

[manticlimactic]

Just tell them you may be a good cook but you can't cook for so many people. They either need to bring something or you'll get a take away.

[helenthemadex]

OP why not be honest with them? Message the group and tell them that when you agreed to host the weekend you expected them all to pitch in and help. So far you have just one offer to bring a dessert and its now it's become very clear that the large group of adults and children are all expecting to stay in your home all weekend. That isn't going to possible because your DP is returning home from a business trip a will need some peace and quiet to recover. Pull on their consciences and say that as you are all such long standing friends you know that they will understand that this has been really hard for you say, but that now you can all plan an alternative get together that is more balanced in terms of finance and effort

this is perfect!! it is hard work being anything other than honest, if they dont accept what you are saying then they are not worth the trouble and stress

[Bunbaker]

"OP why not be honest with them? Message the group and tell them that when you agreed to host the weekend you expected them all to pitch in and help. So far you have just one offer to bring a dessert and its now it's become very clear that the large group of adults and children are all expecting to stay in your home all weekend. That isn't going to possible because your DP is returning home from a business trip a will need some peace and quiet to recover. Pull on their consciences and say that as you are all such long standing friends you know that they will understand that this has been really hard for you say, but that now you can all plan an alternative get together that is more balanced in terms of finance and effort."

You just say ^^ this. End of.

[sallysoubriquet]

They decided on my house, so I agreed at the time because I didn't know how to refuse


Be honest OP, isn't this one of the most ridiculous things you've ever read?

[sallysoubriquet]

Helen...YES!!!!!!!!

[Sneakymeezerflyingthetardis]

I like calamity Kate's suggestion as it looks like this will happen. Hu not just cereal for breakfast too?

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"Anyway, in the last 5 mins they've all decide amongst themselves that they're staying over. The awkward friend has also told everyone not to worry because 'TheDiet has a lovely big six bedroomed posh house and is the best cook ever.' She added that she can't wait to eat all the lovely different things I'm going to cook."

OK, I know you say that you don't want to be rude and you agreed to it (albeit reluctantly) in the first place, but enough is enough! Luckily, your gobby friend has just handed you an absolute gift of a Get Out Of Jail Free card by pushing it waaaay too far .

Might I suggest the following post from you to follow hers?

Whoah there, people ! Since when was I running a hotel? And not even a hotel, as people pay for them? You seriously expect me to be able to host and feed six friends, x husbands and 7 children without any input from said friends? What am I, Wonderwoman? Very flattering guys, but really, really not possible. If this is going to happen it's going to be my house, my rules , OK? We'll have none of this I-can't-bring-any-food-crap, right? A, you're bringing desserts. B your bringing a starter. c and D, your task is lunches. E can bring the side dishes and F(gobby friend) you can provide the main for dinner. All of you can bring wines and beers, whatever amounts you think your family will need. I will provide breakfasts and snacks and of course a bed for the night. And since I will be landed with all that laundry when you leave, I expect no shirkers in the kitchen putting the meals together or doing the clearing and washing up. Capiche ? Like I said; my house, my rules! I love you guys, but, sheesh - you really need reined in sometimes!

How does that sound, OP?

[sallysoubriquet]

Sorry it wasn't Helen who said that...she was quoting, as was Bunbaker Cannot instantly find the original, but whoever said it, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to Helen and Bunbaker for agreeing with it!

[Sneakymeezerflyingthetardis]

Why, not 'hu'

[SparklingMuppet]

You have got to deal with this quick smart. I know it's uncomfortable if you habitually avoid confrontation, but it is necessary. Message them and say I think I've bitten of more than I can chew, there's no way you can all stay over night, here is a list of bnb's, also the only way I will do the catering is if people help out so here is what I need each couple to bring (and list it). Please let me know you can all age this otherwise the weekend is off.

You have to put a stop to this now and stop pussy footing around.

[sallysoubriquet]

Whereyouleftit excellent also, trouble is, it doesn't sound too much like somethingDiet would say, does it? And it also doesn't sound too much like they would agree!