AIBU (and controlling) or is DH (and controlling me)

[GoofyIsACow]

There is something that i really want, doesn't cost massive amounts of money, would add a little something to our lives and our children would love it.
DH said flat, outright, no.

DH wants to do something (just for him) which would take up a lot of his time, cost money and is something i have explicitly, in the past, asked him please not to do and he agreed.

I have found out that without telling me, he has contacted the person who has contacts for this thing he wants to do to ask about doing it.

I am utterly pissed off! :(

[kungfupannda]

I wouldn't be that fussed about the masons, to be honest. My grandfather and both great-grandfathers were masons, and my uncle and cousin still are, as are three friends.

My grandad attended once a month and went to very occasional special meetings. My gran and I took the piss massively, and made up masonic songs and sang them at him all the way home after picking him up from his meetings. He took it pretty well, considering that some of our songs were several verses long and had lots of dum-de-dum bits in them.

After he died, the masons continued to send a small Christmas cheque to my gran for the rest of her life, and contacted her on a few occasions to check that she didn't need anything.

I've always been fairly sure that the whole secrecy thing is because there isn't actually anything much to know. I suspect it varies from lodge to lodge, but I don't think my granddad's lodge was much more than a slightly posher working man's club - it was nearly all merchant seamen and local tradesmen.

If he's going to be at lots of meetings, then the childcare/time investment thing needs to be thrashed out, but if it's a once a month job, then I'd be inclined to shrug and let him get on with it.

[SomethingkindaOod]

Half of my IL's are in the masons and I know DH has been approached on the past. He declined mainly because of the amount of time it takes up (which he discussed with his a Dad) and the cash flow issue. At some point in the future he'll probably join, more than likely when the DC's are older and he has fewer commitments. It doesn't particularly bother me, there are organisations that wouldn't allow him to join that I'm looking at such as the local towns women's guild or the WI.
It's the secrecy that your DH has displayed that would upset me, he knows your concerns and still went ahead behind your back to do it anyway.