to find the reply 'really busy' to 'how are you?' every single time really irritating

[HuiledOlive]

Its a pandemic.

We're just crazy busy, non-stop busy, busy busy busy.

Do these people never have a slower period? Never consider say stopping Violet's clarinet lessons or Boris's cricket?

And always with a lofty sigh.

[Maeve789]

I didn't choose to have a child with autism, but I chose to accept him as he is and not to push water uphill trying to make him more like other children. so I get what you're saying.

[newyearhere]

It's an art form in some places, being calm, unflustered and just having time for things.

Definitely BrickorCleat. I think it's a political and economic thing in some ways. We're encouraged from various directions to prove that every minute of our time is "useful" and "productive", even profitable wherever possible.

For example take education, where these days science and industry = good, the arts and humanities = worthless.

[BrickorCleat]

Excellent point about arts and humanities, newyear. I worry that gazing at art for its own sake or staying glued to music on the radio is seen as an unproductive use of time.

I will also add, somewhat spitefully, that I listened to a fellow mother bemoan her busy busy busy life for about 20 minutes on a touch line this afternoon.

It was utter bollocks. It didn't take a psychologist to see how desperate and unfulfilled her life must be that she feels it admirable to over-schedule her family to the point of madness. Not a single thing she mentioned was actually vital to anyone.

I wandered away with my coffee and admired the view.

[Jinsei]

"Busy" isn't really an answer to "how are you?" Most people have busy lives so it doesn't tell you anything.

Most of the time, it probably means "exhausted", but people are trying not to sound too negative!

I agree entirely that being busy is not a virtue. Having said that, not being busy also isn't a virtue. Boasting about how unbusy you are is just as non-sensical as boasting about being busy. Neither is better, just different.

[CheesyBadger]

Busy with work, children, study, whatever doesn't bother me
Sighing 'sooooo busy' but with shopping, lunch, hair etc grates as it is voluntary self inflicted fun type busy! (Think mum in Miranda)
Also smacks of self importance and lack of empathy

[jeansthatfit]

Why on EARTH would it bother anyone if someone says they are 'busy'? Are you so 'unbusy' that you have time to dwell on this and be so judgey?

I'm hooting with laughter at the idea it's all self inflicted and done out of a desire to be 'one up'. What judgey paranoia.

Get some more activity in your life that you find fulfilling, and that makes you happier, and you won't have time for these silly games.

And if you don't want to know, don't ask. People don't have to answer questions about themselves to please you.

[newyearhere]

Boasting about how unbusy you are is just as non-sensical as boasting about being busy.

How many times have you asked someone how they are, and they reply by boasting about how un-busy they are?

[Southeastdweller]

It's the new buzzword of the moment. Most of the people who say they are, just aren't, at least with anything worthwhile. I notice that in RL, they rarely go on to list what they're busy with...could they be too busy to tell you? No, they want to quickly get home to spend hours on Facebook and then carry on watching their Girls boxset.

[Maeve789]

Exactly newyearher!

I dont boast about having free time. I just enjoy it.

[newyearhere]

And if you don't want to know, don't ask.

But no-one is asking "How busy are you?". They're asking "How are you?" which I think is a rather different question.

[Jinsei]

How many times have you asked someone how they are, and they reply by boasting about how un-busy they are?

Never, but there have been a few people proudly announcing their un-busyness on this thread.

[lekkerslaap]

Yes, does my head in.

But...

When I was a kid, my Dad worked 9 to 5.30pm and my Mum worked about 12 to 15 hours a week. They/we rarely went out and I think I went to Brownies once a week.

Fast forward to today.... If you work full time, you've probably got three times the workload that my Dad had and both parents are probably out of the house five days a week.

It is not progress...

[MistressDeeCee]

Yeah, it annoys me too OP. I just stop asking in the end. We can all be super-busy if we constantly find things to do. I cba. Im not running a country, here. & I dont define being super-busy as the mark of a successful life anyway. I make a conscious effort to get off the treadmill a lot of the time, and Im not afraid to do it just as Im unafraid of silence, or stillness, or my own company etc. Doing sweet f.a. on occasion suits me down to the ground. Im happy to leave the super-busy to it.

Leisure by WH Davies is one of my favourite poems

[annieorangutan]

I usually say this to people Im doing a runner from. Always best to say it whilst still moving so they dont have chance to corner you and they fuck off.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I think it just means they don't want to talk, it's a way of stopping you from talking.

Same with 'Fine, how are you?'. I'm not really interested but it's the convention, isn't it?

I think that people generally just don't want to talk much unless it's to people they really care for/are interested in. I feel like that, I don't like the meaningless, monotonous chat-for-the-sake-of-it.

[DoYouLikeMyBaubles]

My years of a nursing student were the busiest I have ever experienced.

Getting up at 5:30 to travel to placement, do a 12 hour shift, travel home, home at 8. Food and shower. Then revise for an upcoming exam that could go well into the early hours. Then repeat. Nearly everyday.

I didn't have time for friends. I didn't have time for my partner. It's not because I like being busy, it's because I had to do what I had to do to get to where I wanted to be.

It seems like some people on here think the majority of people who are busy want to be that way. I didn't, I would have KILLED to be able to sit and chat or have time to myself.

[Andanotherthing123]

My answer to 'how are you?' is 'fine thank you, how are you?'. It's a
polite exchange without having to go into details or listen to other people's 'busy details'. Which I really don't have time to exchange. I'm too busy.

[MomsStiffler]

"I don't want to speak to you or hear about your family/life again. In fact I'm trying to gradually ease you out of my life but it you don't take the hint soon I may just have to come right out with it....."

Or they could actually be busy....

Choose whichever is more likely with the people you're dealing with...

[Sallystyle]

I have five children and I hardly ever busy.

I must be doing something wrong.

[hackmum]

I find this really irritating too. And it is a way of boasting. "Look at me, look how busy and important I am!" I always feel like saying, "You just need to be better organised."

I have periods of being very busy (it's in the nature of the job I do) but also periods of not being busy. Which is why I spend so much time on Mumsnet, probably.

[MrsCakesPremonition]

"Busy" is not an appropriate answer to the question "How are you?". It tells you nothing about whether the person is busy and happy, busy and stressed, busy and tired, glad to be busy, looking forward to a time when they are less busy. It might give you an indication of what someone is doing, but it doesn't begin to tell you about the how.

[MomsStiffler]

But it's an ideal way to avoid talking to someone you don't want to speak to.....

[MrsCakesPremonition]

I might start replying
"Oh how lovely, I wish I was busy rushing about like you".

[LtEveDallas]

I generally say something like "fine thanks, busy, busy"

Because I am, and being busy effects how 'fine' I feel.

Maybe I should start answering "Not good thanks, I have too much work and not enough staff to complete it, DD is suffering because I keep taking work home, DH is an arse about it and I'm not sleeping more than 5 hours a night because my back is getting worse and I'm stressing about the people I am going to be dropping in the shit when my contract ends, so I am exhausted, and you?

Surely 'Busy' is just polite shorthand for "Don't ask how I am unless you really really want to know, because you might get the truth"

[MysterySpots]

I don't think it's the fact that people are busy that is the issue. For me it's the self important air of martyrdom that goes with it. 'Oh I am soooo busy, not like you. You couldn't possibly understand how incredibly busy, incredibly important me is...'' Or when it is used as an excuse- 'oh I forgot your daughter was in hospital but I have just been so busy with my incredibly important busy things that are far more important'