to find the reply 'really busy' to 'how are you?' every single time really irritating

[HuiledOlive]

Its a pandemic.

We're just crazy busy, non-stop busy, busy busy busy.

Do these people never have a slower period? Never consider say stopping Violet's clarinet lessons or Boris's cricket?

And always with a lofty sigh.

everybody is either flat out busy or exhausted what happened to the good ole fashioned I am fine thanks

I know what you mean about people who seem to make a show of being busy. There is one woman on my school run who literally runs along the road everyday. In her heels, usually chasing her terror toddler. It is like she is making a point of 'look at me I'm a working mother dontcha know - busy busy busy'.

I shouldn't judge, but I do.

Bickor I'm sorry but I don't agree with you. Some people have severely disabled children who, as well as needing constant care, also have to attend numerous hospital appts. Their parents didn't "choose" that. My Dsis recently gave birth to very sickly premature twins. 3 weeks after they came home, her "D"P left her. How is she supposed to make herself less busy - give one of them away? Ditto to people caring for elderly parents. Not everything in life is a choice.

Thing is (speaking as someone who has had to act as the main carer for at least one parent at a time since 13) the question posed in the title - "how are you?" - isn't an invitation to start banging on about your problems/stresses, not unless asked with a head tilt or alluding to something specific.

I find it really rude to start dumping your stress uninvited - to the point I make an effort never to use that question. I get that life is shit at times for everyone, it doesn't mean that everyone can cope with supporting your stuff at any given time - and it does transfer even through a short conversation.

I'm hyper aware of it because I know at one time I wasn't that self aware and I began to bore myself frankly, and realised that some people had bigger stuff going on than I did, but didn't want to burden me with their problems. I feel shit for that now. Not to mention it's all relative, someone might be struggling with something I found easy - it's not helpful to pour scorn or compare circumstances.

At least allow the niceties to get out of the way before steering a conversation towards a sympathetic ear or enjoy a nice shallow chat and the distraction.

Personally, I blame facebook.....

YANBU. There's nothing interesting or virtuous in constantly announcing how busy you are.

People keep asking me how my Christmas was - I hate Christmas.

So I say "Yes fine, was very busy, lots going on, bla bla bla busy busy"

People probably aren't trying to be virtuous, they're maybe just giving an honest answer to a specific question. If you don't want to know how people are then stop asking them and ask them a different question instead.
I usually only ask people how they are if I want a detailed list of their ailments (and I usually don't) so just chat more generally. If I do ask and they say "busy" I just say "me too" and move on to the next topic.
Very few people these days give the usual refrain of "fine how are you?" "fine", pleasantries completed, unfortunately.

We are always busy. We both work full time yet have no childcare. So combining one working from home and one out, and swapping as and when needed. We both have work abroad also. We have x2 under school age, food to cook, a flat to keep sorted, life to go along. We are saving, looking to buy a house, and Both starting new business ventures. Family to visit in between and family time to have

We would therefore prob say we were busy if anyone asked. Sure it would be nice to not be so busy all the time, but we don't have that option atm if we want to stay employed/ get money/ progress in life

People do enjoy telling others just how busy they are!

I sometimes find it funny, usually I'm bored by it. It's only interesting when the person concerned is busy with amazingly interesting things. So, unless your life is so exciting that I might actually want to hear about, please please stfu!

Aghh - my bil does this. Always, always "sooo busy at work" and waffles on about just how busy his work is. And yet never ever seems to think that maybe that's just how his job is

People talking about their work is boring enough without adding in some excessive busy-bullshit.

I say Im busy because I am. lots of kids, with activities, full time job, study for a qualification, religion. social life because I want to relax with friends now and again. I am however, polite, interested in other people and not using being busy as a way of ducking out of a conversation. If you don't like the person who is saying they are busy fine! Say so. If you want to judge everyone who has ever said they are busy then YABVVU

I take offence! I AM busy. Very busy. Single mum to 3 primary aged children and a full-time teacher. Children do one activity each a week. Children also have additional needs (speech, dyspraxia, dyslexia, asthma) which means appointments. I do try to have a social life as well (not very successfully) and keep up with friends. I pretty much always answer the 'how are you' question with either 'tired' or 'busy' (usually 'busy, tired'). That is the truth. Is it not allowed?!

TBH, how are you is a silly question anyway. It's normally used to make small talk and isn't a genuine enquiry. My colleagues often ask this, normally when we pass each other in the corridor so obviously they are not expecting a lengthy reply. I just say "fine thanks, you?" because it seems expected, even when I'm actually depressed! At least busy is more honest! If people don't want to know, why ask?

"Busy" isn't really an answer to "how are you?" Most people have busy lives so it doesn't tell you anything.

Interesting how many people have treated this thread as an opportunity to describe in detail just how busy they are

If I ask "how are you?" it's because I want to know how the person is. I'd like to know whether they're enjoying life, if they are well, if anything has changed.

"Busy" doesn't tell you anything unique about how someone is spending their time, whether they're enjoying it, whether they're doing something new, if they are well/contented etc.

I never say busy to that question, just ok or finenor good, how are you? And I am busy full of own importance as I have 4 dcs and a job.

I actually respond with "I am very busy doing very important things for very important people - things so important and busy that I simply couldn't expect someone as unbusy as you to understand".

Usually said when I am clearly doing feck all, so am disbelieved every time.

To be honest, I operate best when super busy, and get very lazy when I'm not - I'm currently in the middle of a very lazy spell at the moment.

Andywarhol that's ok, it would be very dull if we all agreed!

Thing is, fundamentally, they are all choices. To have children, to rent or own, to work or not. And we are priviledged in the UK to have those choices and an excellent welfare state to support us.

I have experienced the overwhelming chaos of single parenthood and premature babies and would still maintain that, in the big picture, I made choices and had unexpected but not impossible to foresee consequences.

I think my point is more that we make our lives far far more complicated and busy than they need to be and there are a myriad of complex reasons that happens.

Really, as humans, all we need to do us find food, water and shelter and propagate the species. Every school run, business trip, mortgage meeting etc etc on top of that is a choice we have made to live at a certain level in a certain society.

So I continue to believe that ruthless readjustment of priorities and re-examination of commitments can make pretty much everyone's lives less 'busy.'

It's an interesting debate!

oneupmanship, innit

Thing is, fundamentally, they are all choices. To have children, to rent or own, to work or not. And we are priviledged in the UK to have those choices and an excellent welfare state to support us.

Does that mean that those of us who are not in the UK are allowed to say we are busy?

at wobbly

Certainly not!

I have just notice this too-frazzled-to-stop phenomenon much more in the UK than anywhere else I've lived in the rest of the world apart from perhaps America. It's like a badge of honour to be constantly on the go, no time to enjoy a slow coffee or a good book or just idle away some hours just because.

It's an art form in some places, being calm, unflustered and just having time for things.

If the 'im so busy brigade annoy me with their 'im so much busier than you are business' I do a head tilt and say 'oh no, how dreadful, hope you get some time soon'. That confuses them.

BrickorCleat, it's so true. I look around at my school friends who have house husbands and earn six figure salaries and tom cruise's character said in the firm, and I know they think don't get that I value the gift I have.... the gift of never being bored, the gift of not needing to be busy, and the gift of enjoying a cup of tea and the cross word! the gift of being content with 'enough' money.

sorry, sahds I mean. not house husbands!.