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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT want my DD to get a tattoo?

246 replies

neiljames77 · 27/12/2013 16:24

She's 18 tomorrow and I have so far told her I don't want her to have one.
After tomorrow though, I have no say at all. Some of her friends have them and they look hideous and have even ruined their career prospects by having them.

OP posts:
Marshy · 28/12/2013 10:07

My dd was hankering after a tattoo and ear stretcher when she was 16 (around the same time as turning her hair blue and informing me she wanted to go on the pill - it was a busy parenting week!)

I showed her a picture of herself at 14 and asked if she would like to be wearing the same clothes and hairstyle now. No further discussion was necessary.

She's now 18, with the same bf but tattoo free and says she made the right decision. She has an ear post but the holes are more or less invisible.

I wouldn't have been happy if she had gone ahead with the tattoo but knew that laying down the law was pointless.

Netguru · 28/12/2013 10:11

If I had forbidden any of mine they would gave done it.

Instead I breezily said I can see why you want one. Choose a design and draw it out and if you still want it in six months get it done. This worked and still tattoo free ;)

harticus · 28/12/2013 10:25

Decades ago when they were counter cultural there was a certain appeal.

But when Nigel fucking Havers and David fucking Dimbleby get them surely it is time for teenagers to find a new way to "express their individuality".

OP why not dig out as many pictures as you can of old farts with tats - that should out her off.
Round here they are particularly favoured by post-menopausals who insist on coating their bingo wings in the names of every family member.

usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 10:27

That's a rather ageist post

SoWhatDoWeDoNow · 28/12/2013 10:27

Round here they are particularly favoured by post-menopausals who insist on coating their bingo wings in the names of every family member.

Grin I know. fucking grim, isn't it? Like a big lardy human version of the Yellow Pages with a smoker's cough waddling towards you.

MrsDeVere · 28/12/2013 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 10:28

Fucking hell,has MN been invaded by twats.

frumpet · 28/12/2013 10:34

I am considering a tattoo at the grand old age of 42 , i know the sort of design i would like , i know who i would like to do it , i just dont know if i can cope with the pain . I did think about getting a henna version done of the design first , that way i could assess if i really did like it before i had it done in real ink , perhaps you could suggest the same to your daughter ?

SoWhatDoWeDoNow · 28/12/2013 10:40

Yes usualsuspect clearly I am a complete twat for expressing an opinion that a certain aesthetic on certain people completely turns me off and does the wearer no favours imho.

If I'd leapt to the defence of the post-menopausal bingo-winged women in question would that have made me less of a twat?

You either like that look, or you don't. I see no reason why one opinion should make you a twat while the other one doesn't.

usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 10:43

Your post made you sound like a twat. imo.

SoWhatDoWeDoNow · 28/12/2013 10:45

Could you explain why? Do you have large, wobbly arms with various family members' names written down them?

harticus · 28/12/2013 10:48

Fucking hell,has MN been invaded by twats

No. Just the usual suspects.

usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 10:48

Yes I have War and peace tattooed on my big fat lardy post menopausal bingo wings.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/12/2013 10:50

usual... I don't think SoWhatDoWeDoNow's post made her sound like a twat, she gave a view fairly robustly, but you've obviously appointed yourself arbiter of acceptable views and opinions and I see you calling names when you don't like somebody elses. Fits the definition far better.

harticus · 28/12/2013 10:55

That's a rather ageist post

Yes. Well spotted.

If, when I was 18, someone had said "Wow Robert Robinson , Reginald Bosanquet and Robin Day have got fabulous tats" it is unlikely that I (as an original 1977 punk) would have thought "Oh spiffing I would love to look just like those old bourgeois gits ....."

SoWhatDoWeDoNow · 28/12/2013 11:02

Usualsuspect I'm not sure whether you are joking or not, but I suspect not. Otherwise you would not be so defensive. You made your decision - be comfortable with it. And part of that means brushing it off when other people say they dislike the look of it - as they are entitled to do. You can't please all the people all the time.

Would I come up to you in the street or the pub and berate you for your tattoo choices, or hairstyle choices or whatever? Of course not. That would be rude and unnecessary and it's none of my business. But this is a discussion thread where we are encouraged to express our opinions about how we think tattoos look, and will look in years to come. It's not personal. I'm sure I make plenty of decisions about my personal style that others find unappealing, but I don't think it makes them a twat for disagreeing with me.

If I posted a picture of a painting I bought, or an outfit I wore and people laughed and mocked it and said it was in bad taste, or boring or frumpy I'd just accept that we have different tastes - i wouldn't think they were a twat because of it.

But tattoos are permanent which makes me think that people become much, much more sensitive and defensive about their choices when they realise they are stuck with them forever.

EmmaBemma · 28/12/2013 11:05

"If I posted a picture of a painting I bought, or an outfit I wore and people laughed and mocked it and said it was in bad taste, or boring or frumpy I'd just accept that we have different tastes - i wouldn't think they were a twat because of it. "

Liar, liar, pants on fire! Unless you're a cyborg, of course. Back in the real world, most people find it hurtful when others insult their appearance.

Joysmum · 28/12/2013 11:06

Of course we don't dress to look like we are on strictly.

However, having a tattoo on show which doesn't match the image you are trying to present (and looks fucking stupid) is counter-productive. That's why so many employers have policies regarding tattoos.

SoWhatDoWeDoNow · 28/12/2013 11:08

I might think they were not blessed with my excellent taste admittedly Grin but seriously, if someone was asked to judge a dress in S&B, or a sofa set or something that I loved and they said 'Fuck, that's heinous, don't buy it' I wouldn't call them a twat, no.

mrsjay · 28/12/2013 11:16

SOWHAT ladybeagleeyes is 57 age has nothing to do with a tattoo hardly under 30 what a daft post

mrsjay · 28/12/2013 11:18

My dd was hankering after a tattoo and ear stretcher when she was 16 (around the same time as turning her hair blue and informing me she wanted to go on the pill - it was a busy parenting week!)

made me Grin

dd1had an ear stretcher when she was 15 I quite liked it she doesnt wear it now and her ear is fine

EmmaBemma · 28/12/2013 11:18

Your analogy doesn't hold. if you had already bought the sofa, and if it were in your sitting room with your best cushions on it, and you proudly posted a picture of it, and then someone said "fuck, that's heinous, and I hate your wallpaper too", you would rightly think they were being an insensitive oaf.

DameDeepRedBetty · 28/12/2013 11:19

One thing that's always put me off is the possibility that you might spend months choosing a beautiful design, get it done by a talented artist, be terribly proud of it for six months, and then see your least favourite c list celeb has had something very similar done and EVERYONE you meet assumes you've copied yours from them. I've had this happen with hair, clothes and shoes. You can get your hair restyled or give an outfit away to charity, but you can't get rid of a tattoo that has become through no fault of your own irredeemably un-cool.

insancerre · 28/12/2013 11:19

DH has a tattoo of the Smiths lyrics 'I'd like to drop my trousers to the Queen' on his arm and it was listed under 'distinguishing marks' on his medical records

DH was never promoted beyond Junior technician in the RAF
Are the two connected?
Of course they are!
Tattoos can affect people's career chances, just because lots of people are prejudiced against them.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 28/12/2013 11:24

OP your calculations are wrong I'm afraid, even as a newly qualified I had money left over for things like tattoos and over frivolous things that make life fun. Grin

You're going to push her away you know. You're very dismissive of her choice of being a nurse, and you make it sound as though you're trying to stop her from doing it when it's a bloody good job when you get in the right place and work hard.

Don't think tattoos are the issue here at all.