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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT want my DD to get a tattoo?

246 replies

neiljames77 · 27/12/2013 16:24

She's 18 tomorrow and I have so far told her I don't want her to have one.
After tomorrow though, I have no say at all. Some of her friends have them and they look hideous and have even ruined their career prospects by having them.

OP posts:
WorrySighWorrySigh · 27/12/2013 17:11

You cant talk her out of it. Dont try. Instead how about making some constructive suggestions:

  1. before she commits how about suggesting she tries out a Sharpie 'tattoo' first? This way she can experiment with design and position before having the permanent one done

Sharpie Tattoo

Sharpie Tattoo

  1. work with her to find a well recommended tattoo artist (with all appropriate health & hygiene certificates)
  1. talk to her about the temporary nature of fame and the half life of facts. If she is considering a text tattoo she needs to think long and hard about who or what she quotes - I am sure there will be plenty of people with now bitterly regretted LostProphets tattoos

I understand your concern - my DD is considering a tattoo. I dont agree with it but in reality it isnt for me to agree or disagree.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 27/12/2013 17:13

I had mine when I turned 18, still love my ink.

HicDraconis · 27/12/2013 17:19

She's 18, it's her body and I get that. However depending on where she wants to work as a nurse she will have issues with visible tattoos (I know a CNM who stated openly that she would not employ a nurse in theatres with visible tattoos or piercings other than ears). Your DD will come across prejudice from people who dislike them.

Second all the advice to research artist thoroughly, pick a design with care and go for it somewhere hidden. For a nurse who may wear scrubs that basically rules out arms below shoulders, chest wall above V neckline, face/neck. Ankles/feet etc much less noticeable (but may look worse after a long shift when they go puffy!).

Research designs with her, offer constructive comments (and some positive ones!) and try to be involved. That may take some of the rebelliousness out if the choice, if there is any. Finally - when she's got a design she likes and a location (and a price!) is there any way you could persuade her to get a henna version first? See how she likes living with it for a few months at least before going for the permanent.

Tattoos here are very common as they are a cultural tradition - and still there is prejudice over them.

specialmagiclady · 27/12/2013 17:30

I'm glad to see that someone else had my idea which was that if my son could choose an image and stick to it for - say - 2 years, I would pay for it. He's 8 so I doubt they will be still be de rigueur when he hits 18 (fingers crossed).

A friend told me I was being dreadfully controlling when I said this was my plan.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 27/12/2013 17:34

I have one on my face, can't say its held me back at all. :)

Original poster
neiljames77 · 27/12/2013 17:35

I'll follow all the advice on here and I'm grateful for it. :)

I still think in a few years time, I'll get a phone call, "Daaaaaaaaaaad, can you lend me some money to get rid of this stupid Chinese writing I had put on my body?"

OP posts:
CreepyLittleBat · 27/12/2013 17:43

W

CreepyLittleBat · 27/12/2013 17:47

Oops. Was meaning to say wouldn't it be illegal to turn someone down for a job specifically for their tattoos? All sounds a bit anecdotal to me. Fwiw I have a public facing job, employ people etc and have never had an adverse comment.

Clearlymisunderstood · 27/12/2013 17:53

My mum told me to write down the design and where I wanted t and then to revisit in 6 months to see if I really wanted that exact design in that exact place. I did that a few times and have never kept to the same thing in the same place and was enough to put me off.

Original poster
neiljames77 · 27/12/2013 17:58

CreepyLittleBat, it's not anecdotal. All airlines have a policy on visible tattoos. Somebody could be the best shop assistant in the world but if they had teardrops on their face and both arms had full sleeves, they couldn't realistically expect to get a job on the perfume counter at Harvey Nicholls.

OP posts:
ExcuseTypos · 27/12/2013 17:58

Dd had one when she was 18. In the run up to it we did talk about getting one which wasn't 'obvious' so it wouldn't affect job prospects. I also asked her to think about what she wanted for a long time, do lots of research for designs etc on the internet. She then got to look at many tattoos, many of which were awful.

It really focused her on getting something small, and going to a someone with a very good reputaions.

specialsubject · 27/12/2013 18:24

isn't it David Beckham who has his wife's name written on him in some language he doesn't speak, and it seems it is spelt wrongly?

not much of a recommendation for the artist... very funny though!

maddy68 · 27/12/2013 18:26

When my son wanted one when he was 18. I expressed my concern then realised he would have it done anyway so I changed tack. I said I would pay for it provided I could go with him to make sure it was a reputable place, look at reviews etc, and he wouldn't have it anywhere it couldn't be covered up if necessary.

He now has three grrr, but at least they aren't anywhere unsightly

lookatmybutt · 27/12/2013 18:27

Ankle, wrist and especially hand are the worse places you can get tattoos re:visibility next to neck and face. She absolutely will be turned down for multiple jobs for this reason. Sure, some won't mind, but many will.

Tell her she's being a bloody idiot.

I have tattoos, but I don't regret them (they're big but easy to hide). I also got tattoos from 'celebrity' tattooists and they came out quite shit.

At least if she gets small ones, they can be covered with scar camouflage makeup like Dermacolor.

Oh, I got my first on my 18th birthday, so brace yourself Grin

HicDraconis · 27/12/2013 18:35

CreepyLittleBat - tattoos weren't the reason she gave to the prospective theatre nurse who had full sleeves, just the reason she gave to us in the tearoom afterwards. And there are large companies with policies on visible tattoos - for every "hasn't held me back at all" story there are others where people have let tattoos influence their judgement.

I'm not against them and wouldn't have a problem with my boys wanting them in 10 years. But they need to do their research properly, put them in an appropriate place and live with a temporary one for a few months first.

SofaKing · 27/12/2013 18:47

Could you suggest a temporary one to her? I've heard they are expensive but only last 4-6 years as they don't tattoo all layers of the skin, perhaps you could promise you will pay for her to have a permanent one if she doesn't regret getting the temp one before it has faded.
Or suggest a white ink tattoo, they are much more subtle. My niece has the white tree of Gondor on her arm in white ink and it looks gorgeous.

Thank God my oldest is just six, I have all this to look forward to!

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 27/12/2013 19:06

The temporary ones are often worse, they can end up fading really badly prematurely and looking awful for a good while.

The white tree of Gondor Shock would love to see that!

MissBeehiving · 27/12/2013 19:07

I have a tiny one on my hip which I had done when I was young and reckless Grin. It's easy to cover even in a bikini. I'm a solicitor by the way so not used to flashing my flesh at clients and I can honestly say it's never held me back. Wink

Having said that visible tattoos are not generally mainstream in the workforce atm

SundaySimmons · 27/12/2013 19:07

I can't understand why people get sayings or their loved ones names written in Chinese script when they aren't Chinese, don't speak or read Chinese and do not have any connection to China!

I also find the sayings a bit naff.

Follow your dreams.

Be true to yourself.

Etc

JapaneseMargaret · 27/12/2013 19:13

The thing is, tattoos are as subject to style and fads as much as anything else, and it's this that has always put me off having one.

I'm sure there are people who got barbed wire arm-band around their upper arms 20 years ago who probably spend a fair amount of time covering those babies up.

Those winding flower designs over lovely taut young torsos that women were getting 5 years ago, probably look slightly less lovely once distorted and distended by pregnancy.

Roses on crepey décolletages from 30 years ago. Leaping dolphins. Chinese symbols. Meaningful poetry and song lyrics. Stars representing children on feet. And the less said about arse antlers, the better.

Nothing dates a person more than a tattoo.

Which is fine.

But why are ink devotees so happy to be dated by tattoos in a way that they wouldn't when it comes to clothes or hair, or house/decor design, etc?

Of course, none of this will mean anything to an 18 year old. Grin She will only 'get' it after she's experienced it.

Fairylea · 27/12/2013 19:16

I don't believe anyone ruins their career prospects by getting a tattoo unless it's somewhere extremely visible (neck or hands). Arms, legs and the rest of the body can be covered up if necessary.

Please make sure she goes somewhere very reputable, get them to design her a tattoo from something she suggests to them. I really hope she won't go to somewhere where they pick a design from a book!

Dh and I are covered in tattoos. Dh more than me. Literally his whole chest from the necklace line down and both arms are covered in various designs. He has paid a lot for them (chest alone has cost him in the region of £3500) and he gets each tattoo designed by the artist before its inked on. He wears a suit to an interview and has never had a problem with work with regards to his tattoos (he is a graduate in management).

I used to be a very senior marketing manager in the city and I used to wear suits with skirts occasionally that showed my leg tattoo (a winding flower design with flowers my late grandad and I used to pick together before he died of cancer). I've never had negative responses and most clients would ask about it and it would generate conversation. And this was a very high end world.

I think they are very mainstream now. I really think when we are all old everyone will have them. And as my dh says he will care more about whether he can get to the bathroom on his own at 70 or 80 than what his tattoos look like.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 27/12/2013 19:16

I have a wrist rose, to anyone else it's just a rose which are quite popular but it's my namesake and important to me and my family.

I also have my dads handwriting of his nickname, he died before I got to know him so got it off a letter he'd written.

I think it's important for them to have meaning. I had mine done at age 18 so I'm sure she will be able to 'get it' if she thinks about it.

Fairylea · 27/12/2013 19:18

Sorry also meant to add both dh and I got our first ones at 18 and neither of us regret them at all.

mrsjay · 27/12/2013 19:18

how can a tattoo scupper career prospects unless it is on their faces they are not on her friends faces are they Hmm just because you think they are naff and dont like them doesn't mean that they are wrong, what you do with your dd is tell her to go ahead and scar her body for life but you are not paying for it or the removal , and i saw 2 cabin crew with tattos when i was on holiday last year one a man the other a woman

StayAwayFromDeliriumDive · 27/12/2013 19:24

I really don't like them, I don't care how good the artist is, I've never seen one that looks nice.

However, there is probably very little you can do. DH and I joke that our children can have a tattoo or piercing the day after they move out of our house.