I was not criticising your parenting abilities, DDDDDora: I was talking of those parents who make it clear they are only interested in their own child. Every primary school performance I have been to has been marred by at least one parent of this sort: the kind of parent who never seems to take any interest or pleasure from a good performance by somebody else's child. I never said you were among them.
Anyway, if your dd is not even in junior school yet, is it not a bit early for you to feel disgruntled on her behalf? That is only at the most 3 nativity plays she has not had a speaking part in; it's hardly a lifetime of rejection. She still has the whole of junior to go, and real drama classes in secondary (unless Gove does away with them). She has plenty of time to get picked for all sorts of things.
Dd never got picked for her infants plays either. But has had plenty of opportunities to make up for it since.
For the record, ds would have loved a chance of playing for the school football team as he loves football. As he is now 13, I think I can say confidently that this is never going to happen. But frankly I can also see why it hasn't happened. Football, like drama, is a team game. It becomes harder if one of the players isn't up to it.
He was disappointed. But it was my job to help him overcome that disappointment and show him how he could enjoy football in other ways, playing with his friends.
Auditions does seem the fairest way. But it won't stop children feeling hard done by or parents feeling disgruntled.