Christmas lunch with under-3s - AIBU?

[GromitAndWallace]

Going to my parents for Christmas, various relatives coming including my DSis, who has 2 yr old twins. When my kids were this age I would give them their lunch 30mins before everyone else and then they could either sit in their high chairs at the table for a bit, get down and play round on the floor in the same room, or go for an afternoon nap if needed. It worked really well as they joined in with the adults but we also got the chance to sit around the table and eat the lovely meal my mum had worked hard to prepare.

last year, Dsis's twins then 18mo) ate at the table with us and it was mayhem. Not their fault, tinies are messy, grab stuff etc and I get that. But I don't think we all sat down at the table at the same time, the meal was really rushed because the DTs got bored and fractious and people kept jumping up to get them yoghurt / toys / clean up spills / move things on the table out of their grasp. Dsis and her DH ate on a rota while they managed the kids (sort of) and I felt bad for my mum whose efforts seemed to go unnoticed by some.

This year, the DT are 2.5yo so better but still very messy, bored quickly etc. I'd like to suggest the idea of them eating a bit earlier (easy to do sausages, potato, veg in advance for them and they're not bothered by turkey) but AIBU? I'm not suggesting banishing them to another room, just getting them started earlier so that everyone else has two hands free to eat their meal and sit down together. My DM agrees and has mentioned it to DSis vaguely but doesn't seem to be getting a positive response.... (they are not great at communicating)

[Sparklymommy]

Yabu. Christmas lunch is a family meal, what you are suggesting is excluding your dsis's twins from the meal.

I would suggest having some toys or colouring to keep them occupied between courses. At 2.5yrs they will probably be feeding themselves this year meaning mum and dad can eat their dinner too.

[NigellasLeftNostril]

exactly, word, so the mum would also be excluded I daresay as I said in my previous post.
well that would be fine by OP I suppose.....

[wordfactory]

Also, how many people are present op? You say no one sat down. Surely it didn't take every adult in the room to sort them out?

Surely the best way is for the parents to supervise them for a bit, helping them eat etc, then another adult take over allowing the parents tp get some food.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

The kids might not even be as bad as expected. All this panic over kids a WHole YEAR older than last time. Sit them on the end next to mum where they can get down after.

Cannot believe the idea I'd excluding them just so everyone can boost the grandmothers ego and make yummy noises ire the dinner in peace.

Madness and mean. And as pointed out who's gonna watch them while you lot eat.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Idea of. Phones buggered grrr

[ilovesmurfs]

Why would you exclude kids from a family meal?!

Surely thats how they learn? We have never done separate meal times we all eat together, eye soemtiems its hard work but that's life with kids.

Let them have small toys, include them in chatting etc, they will like the crackers etc? Mine at that age loved to do 'cheers' and making a toast!

If they aren't at trhe table they will still need supervision!

[Blu]

Christmas Dinner doesn't have to look like a picture in a magazine. And in the vast majority of hosuehoolds, won't.

Leave your DSis and BIL to manage the kids, let them get down and run round when they feel like it, and make sure that yu do appreciate your Mum's cooking efforts.

If you try and control it (using your Mum as an excuse..let her fight her own battles if she has one to fight - these are her beloved grandchildren!) and anticpate problems you are already creating tension and setting up expectations about what is the right thing to do.

Relax and enjoy and stay out of other people's parenting and other people's relationships (your Mum's and DSis's).

[IamInvisible]

I would be really pissed off if someone suggested this to me.

Our DC have eaten their meals with us practically everyday since they were 6 months old. Christmas Day is no different.

How are they going to learn how to behave at the table, not to grab, sit still, etc if they aren't given the opportunity?

[Munxx]

Yabvu. I would feel on edge all day if I were your sister.

[CreamyCooler]

I think it would be unreasonable to suggest it as it's your parents house and you just shouldn't tell someone who is hosting how to do things. If someone said to me to feed my children earlier for a day time meal I'd be really really pissed of.

[MummyConstant]

This came up in our house yesterday, the kids eat very differently from eachother and from grown ups. My 3yo ate a carrot and yorkshire pud and wanted to get down from the table and my 18mo wanted to throw all of her dinner off her plate onto the table. But she ate it all. She loves her food.

My hubby got really stressed because he had cooked a lovely roast dinner and didnt feel he could enjoy it. I on the other hand realise they are kids and just get on with it. Its not perfect but they will get better as time goes on. Its not every day we all sit around the table and eat either. Which is half the battle I think, routine!

Maybe I might suggest eating breakfast all around the table together, everyday, then mealtimes are routine and the RULES will be a routine. I dont know.

When are kids meant to be able to sit at a table nicely and eat "normally"... if there is a normal?

[mrsjay]

mine could eat normally round the table by the time they were 4 I excused behaviour before then but they ate dinner including xmas by the time they were 4, but tbh mine didnt really eat all christmas dinner untill they were about 7 so they had a bit of this and that we were not to strict on the eating it all up

[LeafyGreen13]

I remember when my twins were this age. I honestly don't think I sat down for more than a minute for the first five years of their lives. They do get a lot easier around 5 or 6!

I'd suggest your mum makes less effort and that everyone drinks more.

I am lucky that we just have a family dinner at home. I make a buffet and we have crackers and party poppers. Then chocolate cake for pudding. It's all very laid back and fun.

[MiniSoksMakeHardWork]

YAbu. Get some crayons and Christmas themed colouring pictures that they can do at the table while safely seated. I assume they may be on some kind of booster at their age.

If they eat earlier and are let down from the table there will be even more running around after them, especially with twins. Ime twins are the absolute worst at daring each other to do something and I could quite see the tree being toppled, presents unwrapped regardless of who they are for. All while their poor parents have to get up and down constantly to see to them. Much worse than having them at the table where at least there are several people who can distract them.

Obviously anyone with a grain of sense doesn't leave anything within reach that isn't necessary. But it's the ideal situation for a bit of gentle coaching in table manners.

[WhereIsMyHat]

We'll have the children eat with us but let them run free and play when they've finished eating. Mine haven't needed constant supervision at 2.5, they can play within eyesight surely without needing someone sat next to them.

[FeetUpUnitilChristmas]

At my DPs house at Christmas time, the DC do tend to get fed before the adults, mainly because they are not allowed to eat snacks, sweets etc before dinner (they did one year and it was not pleasant) and they are always starving, so as soon as the meal is almost ready plates are dished up for the smallest ones and they start. By this time everyone is in the dining room or kitchen so it's not like they are being excluded. The rest of us then sit and help ourselves to what we like from the serving dishes, it takes quite a while before we all have a full dinner. When the kids are finished they have the option to get down and go next door to the lounge where the TV will be showing something appropriate or to bring toys back into the dining room to play. However if they want to stay at the table then they can too, there are no rules. The kids in our family now range from 16 to 3

[maddy68]

I want the kids to eat with us, yes mayhem but Xmas is all about being together and also they have to learn sitting nicely around the table at some stage

[sillymillyb]

I have read about 2/3 of thread but on phone and it won't let me read last bit, so hope this isn't now massively off topic.... But....

Instead of feeding twins earlier (which is obviously unpopular) why not put together 2 little goody bags to entertain them at the table while everyone still eats? I often make something for my ds if we are eating out - just has crayons, stickers, small toy, maybe a book or something in. Little things which will maybe occupy them another 20 -30 mins to help keep the peace and let everyone else eat?

[greencatseyes]

I have twins.

I have always fed them before because they used to eat at 12 and nobody we spend Christmas with ever gets the meal sorted before about 2pm earliest! They would be full-blown mental psycho by then when younger - and in fact I have had to argue the opposite to get them to be able to have a snack before everyone else.

! Feed a nice snack they will eat at dead on 12, then give them a plate at proper meal time to pick at too. When they are bored open a new DVD. Give yourselves all a break. Don't even discuss this - just produce a nice plate of bits at 12.... non-issue then..

[sashh]

Are they old enough for 'the small table', sit them at a coffee table or play table, at the end of the adults and just put a plate of food in front of each them so they can't actually grab and can make as much mess as they like.

[Whentheredredrobingoesbobbobbo]

Wow I would be really offended if I was your sil

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

It definitely wouldn't be easier for me to feed my 3yr old separately and I emitted a hollow laugh at the idea that toddlers might go for a nap on Christmas Day - mine will be WAY too excited to go to sleep in the afternoon. I'd say YABU simply on the basis that I think it would be harder work to feed twins before everyone else - if my toddler wasn't strapped to the chair during Christmas lunch I wouldn't get to sit down at all because he would be off running round the house and I would have to chase him. It's a different sort of meal when you have young children but I like it better than a very civilised 'adult' occasion and I think it's important to be teaching children to share family meals.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

FeetUp... your post is exactly what I was thinking of. It's not exclusion in any way. I imagine that the scenario you've described works really well. I never get Christmas Dinner ready before 2pm no matter best intentions but the 'accessories' so loved by little ones are always ready for hungry small children.

Posters who persist in the 'exclusion conspiracy' obviously have an issue with reading comprehension. Why would anybody want to exclude a family member on Christmas Day?

[Scrounger]

Two years ago I and DH were those parents, we have never been so exhausted, I burst into tears later on in the day. We had our DTs in someone else's house which wasn't baby proofed so one of us had to be them at all times and it was really, really hard work even with the extra help from relatives. I think it has been wiped from my mind. We vowed never to do it again. If the DTs had been fed before hand one of us would have missed the meal entirely as we would have had to watch them.

Whilst I can see your point though about it being really frenetic for everyone but I would probably feel quite hurt that someone would want to exclude my twins from the meal, there were other young children there. I don't think children at that age will sleep easily on Christmas Day, your sister may spend ages fruitlessly trying to get them to sleep. Agree with pp about arranging the table so that fragile / dangerous objects aren't near them. Why not suggest that children can get down from the table in between courses, all they want to do is play, so that the meal doesn't have to be rushed. Also they are a year older now so will have changed quite a lot.