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AIBU?

To be honest with my 2 year old from the beginning that Father Christmas/Santa isnt real

135 replies

OHforDUCKSchristmascake · 08/12/2013 20:25

My 6 year old asked today if it was the parents that put the presents under the tree because two people in his class had said so. I was trying to tread carefully, and thought he was asking if Father Christmas wasnt real.

I actually said the words 'not real' and he looked shocked and blank and told me he didnt understand what I was saying.

Turns out, he still believed in F.C, just that it was the parents that put the presents down because surely F.C doesnt have a sack big enough.

I know he is going to find out this or next year that the whole thing is a big fat lie and I dont like it. Its seemed worth it at the start but seeing his big wide worried eyes when I dared suggest that FC wasnt real made me feel pretty bad for him.

Im considering not going along with all the santa lies with my 2 year old, because he can just enjoy Christmas for what it is and have no nasty surprises on the way.

Is anyone here just honest with their kids from the start?

OP posts:

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Tapiocapearl · 08/12/2013 22:18

Are your children overly sensitive? If you think they are going to be mentally damaged by some festive fun then don't bother.

My DS aged 10 is just coming to the realisation father Xmas doesn't exist. He's intrigued with how we organise it and wants to help. He had a cheeky little smile in his face when he realised last year.

Father Xmas does the stockings and everyone else does presents under the tree, so FC never takes all the credit in our house anyway.

And besides the whole thing is based on the story if St Nicolas. Maybe you could tell this story to your child?

CailinDana · 08/12/2013 22:20

I admit I have proper serious issues around lies SP. I'm impressed you didn't use the "bu's not lying, it's keeping the magic alive" line. It is lying, but if you're ok with that, fair enough. I'm not so I don't do it.

Tapiocapearl · 08/12/2013 22:22

If you do tell them he doesn't exist, you mustn't allow your kids to sabotage the fun others will have

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 08/12/2013 22:23

If you aren't ok with it then nothing wrong with you not doing it. I have no issues with the tiny/funny lies I was told as a child and my son gets told them.

I won't use the keeping magic alive line because I just don't like that I know Santa isn't real but still enjoy Christmas and the Santa experience for my son.

Yes he will find out he isn't real but he will also find out that shops don't close just because its dark, toy shops don't open when we are in town etc

Tapiocapearl · 08/12/2013 22:24

It's just a bit of harmless fun based on the story of St Nicholas.

CailinDana · 08/12/2013 22:28

It doesn't add up though. It's "harmless fun" but it "mustn't be sabotaged." Surely if it's harmless then it doesn't matter if it's "sabotaged"? In fact I'm not sure how harmless fun can be sabotaged. If knowing the truth hurts no one what's the problem?

OhWellWhatToDo · 08/12/2013 22:30

YANBU.

My children aren't brought up with Santa- it wasn't part of my childhood whatsoever, which is why. I don't give a fuck what other people do, believing in him doesn't traumatise you, and not believing doesnt take the magic away, you do Christmas a bit differently, that's fine. I think the magic of knowing that everyone was gathered together, and that they were sharing presents and sharing love, was much more magical than a creepy guy sneaking into your room at night- but then that was me. I can see how Santa Claus can make Christmas feel very magical and exciting, and I can see how Christmas can be magical and exciting without belief either.

So basically, YANBU for doing what you want with your child (and it doesn't matter whether that is them believing or not in Santa Claus).

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 08/12/2013 22:30

Because just because someone's child doesn't believe doesn't mean all children shouldn't. It should be up to the parents/child.

Its like someone forcing your child to believe in Santa because they don't think its right you don't want them too.

Do what you want just don't force it upon me or my child

OutragedFromLeeds · 08/12/2013 22:30

Do you never lie Cailin? Learning to lie to save others' feelings is a key stage in a child's development. I think around 6/7 years old, they learn a little white lie is sometimes kinder than the truth. It's vital to helping them fit into society.

That's not related to Santa obviously, but I'm always intrigued when people give 'not being able to lie' as the reason they don't do Santa.

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 08/12/2013 22:32

I tell little lies to my son. Tonight I told him I couldn't read his book to him again because I had to tidy up. I didn't and I haven't but not a chance I was reading that book again.

OutragedFromLeeds · 08/12/2013 22:34

'In fact I'm not sure how harmless fun can be sabotaged.'

Really? Disneyland is harmless fun. The DC know it's not a real Mickey Mouse, but if someone marched up, tore his head off and went 'IT'S A TINY FRENCH TEENAGER, YOU IDIOTS!'. It would really ruin the harmless fun.

I would have thought it was fairly obvious. Like watching a 'making of' program before watching a film. It ruins the magic.

InTheRedCorner · 08/12/2013 22:35

No one traumatised in this house. DD1 knows, DD2. Knows but still pretends and Dd3 is 5 and loving the whole thing.

Do or don't, I don't care. Same as I don't care how much you do or don't spend.

CailinDana · 08/12/2013 22:37

I tell white lies, yes. Not generally to people close to me though . Santa doesn't count as a white lie imo.

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 08/12/2013 22:37

IT'S A TINY FRENCH TEENAGER, YOU IDIOTS!

No idea why that made me laugh so much

CailinDana · 08/12/2013 22:40

I am tickled by the tiny french teenager (not literally).

monicalewinski · 08/12/2013 22:43

Outraged

CailinDana · 08/12/2013 22:43

X post

OutragedFromLeeds · 08/12/2013 22:43

There's some residual trauma there from my Disneyland trip.

Screamqueen · 08/12/2013 22:50

Ooooh be careful outraged or you to will be accused of being aggressive by the OP !!!

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/12/2013 22:59

We're all adults on here and most of us were brought up with the Santa myth. Does anyone remember being traumatised? I certainly wasn't, it's just a happy memory.
Ds is 18 and he just gradually learned, he wasn't upset as he was assured he'd still get the same presents.
I think we overthink this.

CailinDana · 08/12/2013 23:04

I wasn't traumatised LBE just pissed off. My DS is quite similar to how I was as a child.

tracypenisbeaker · 08/12/2013 23:09

Pmsl at 'TINY FRENCH TEENAGER

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usualsuspect · 08/12/2013 23:09

I don't think I know one child who was pissed off about finding out.

Most kids suss it out themselves.

WorraLiberty · 08/12/2013 23:12

I really really do think the fraction of 'pissed off' children (once they've learnt the truth) is absolutely minuscule.

So if anyone is worried about it after reading all these MN threads, I'd say really please do not worry.

Ask yourself how many real life people you know who rant about P&C spaces, have random people 'sneering' at them for no reason, or find themselves being ogled/leered at/thrown out of places for breast feeding.

This should put it into some sort of real life perspective.

Merry Christmas

OutragedFromLeeds · 08/12/2013 23:14

Worra you've just exposed all the myths of Mumsnet!!

Shame On You!

Won't you think of the Mumsnetters?

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