To be honest with my 2 year old from the beginning that Father Christmas/Santa isnt real

[OHforDUCKSchristmascake]

My 6 year old asked today if it was the parents that put the presents under the tree because two people in his class had said so. I was trying to tread carefully, and thought he was asking if Father Christmas wasnt real.

I actually said the words 'not real' and he looked shocked and blank and told me he didnt understand what I was saying.

Turns out, he still believed in F.C, just that it was the parents that put the presents down because surely F.C doesnt have a sack big enough.

I know he is going to find out this or next year that the whole thing is a big fat lie and I dont like it. Its seemed worth it at the start but seeing his big wide worried eyes when I dared suggest that FC wasnt real made me feel pretty bad for him.

Im considering not going along with all the santa lies with my 2 year old, because he can just enjoy Christmas for what it is and have no nasty surprises on the way.

Is anyone here just honest with their kids from the start?

[OHforDUCKSchristmascake]

See I havent just let my son believe, Ive out and out lied about it. I thought that was the done thing.

lily what do you mean the Power Rangers arent real?

[DownyEmerald]

Just to put the opposing view - I was upset when I found out.

I had realised Dad did the whole stocking thing, but thought FC kind of masterminded the whole thing from the North Pole - my big present was always from FC.

I think mum and dad thought I was in the 'wanting to believe' camp. (I was about 8). They'd run out of Girl's Worlds so mum asked me if a substitute was acceptable for my big pressy. One look at my stricken face and she took me into the nearest cafe for a cup of tea with lots of sugar.

[TooOldForGlitter]

Imagine if Father Christmas had brought you the wendy house tho SP?

[OutragedFromLeeds]

'FWIW though, me telling my child that if he isnt good santa wont bring him presents/santa brings presents on a sleigh etc etc IS a lie. How is it not?'

There are ways to present it, without actually lying. If they get all their ideas about Santa from books, films, songs etc. and never actually ask if he's real, you can keep up the pretence without actually lying to them. You don't need to tell them they won't get presents if they're bad etc.

[sutekidane]

I don't know what to do either (but daren't start a thread about it). I know dd wont necessarily be traumatised but I have ishoos myself and don't know if I'd be able to look at her and say "of course he is!" if she asks if he's real. My family have all said the same as everyone on here that its childhood magic that can never be done again but I just don't know :( I think I'm finding it hard to separate the good "lies" from the bad lies.

[OLittleTownOfBarflehem]

Downy, were you upset that he wasn't real though, or resentful about the lie?

[CailinDana]

Sute I feel the same. You don't have to go along with it.

[lljkk]

oh ffs, not this again.
I never taught my kids the FC myth. it simply was never part of their Christmas.
I never need to tell anybody about this IRL.
They chose to believe in Santa when they got to school, anyway. Like to go along with the crowd. They don't really understand what he's about, but he's nice to chat to at the school Fair and gives them chocolates for £1.50.
No harm done.
If it's fun for you then do it. If not then don't. Who cares?

[CailinDana]

I for one was definitely resentful about the lie.

[sutekidane]

I just can't decide cailin :( it's hard because I know it could be really fun for dd but I will be uncomfortable all the time when she asks questions about him because every answer will be a lie. I can just picture her little face asking about him and then a few years later having to tell her "hey guess what! Remember all that stuff I told you. It was bollocks!". I know it's probably not a big deal to loads of people but I find that hard. But should she have to miss out just because I'm odd about it? I don't know :(

[OutragedFromLeeds]

A couple of nice ways to explain about Santa.

The Truth about Santa

Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus

[CailinDana]

My 3 year old doesn't really even register the idea of santa. He's still excited about Christmas.

[SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking]

TooOld I would have run off to live with him

The toddler believes in Santa. He visits him, watches films and sings songs about him. He will have a stocking from him. He doesn't get told no presents for bad behaviour etc

[SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking]

Sutekidane My parents never lied to us. When we came to them and said "so and so said Santa's not real" they would say "well what do you think" we would say they were wrong and they would tell us that's up to us.

they never said "so and so is wrong" or "Santa really is real".

you could try that? It is totally up to you though

[MyMILisfromHELL]

Oh ffs. As a child I enjoyed the magic of Christmas while it lasted. Your ds will figure it out by himself & won't think you've lied to him, just that he's grown up.

Why are some parents so fucking nasty & suck the joy out of everything? Fucking ridiculous.

[CailinDana]

SP what do you if the child says "I don't think he's real" particularly in the presence of other children who believe?

[OutragedFromLeeds]

Just say 'ok' and move on quickly!

[lilyaldrin]

If DS asks if Santa is real, I'll tell him he's magic like fairies and unicorns. In front of other children I'll probably go with some people believe and some people don't.

Some people don't even celebrate Christmas.

[OHforDUCKSchristmascake]

Ooohhahahahahah Im so fucking nasty and sucking the joy out everything and fucking ridiculous?

I think you need to join scream with the mince pie and sherry in the chill out corner.

You complete plonker.

[ll31]

I think this type of thread just demonstrates the imo overly precious way some parents view their kids..and also a kind of pursed mouth prissyness about not telling a 'lie'..... worrying they'll be traumatised on discovering santy is not real....

Have you no belief in your kids resilience or abilities ? I really don't get it tbh and feel a bit sRory for your kids.

[SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking]

Cailian If that ever happens I will just say "if that's what you believe ok"

That's what we got. It didn't harm or traumatise anyone.

[CassCade]

CailinDana, I think it's just the same as teaching children to respect other people's feelings - whether about fc or religion! In my case my youngest two still believe, so I made it clear to the eldest when I told her that they are enjoying the story and the magic. Made her promise never to tell them out of malice during an argument, just to be mean. She came close to it today though. (Grrrr!)

[CailinDana]

Fair enough sp. That kind of answer drove me nuts as a child so I couldn't say it to a child myself. Out of interest if that child then asked "do you believe in santa?" what would you say?