To think that it's ok to want to bring up your children and to be a mother, just as it's ok to go out to work instead?

[bronya]

I was brought up to 'have a career' and to think about work not babies. I admit I'd be bored doing nothing, and love the tutoring that I do - but I have no wish at ALL to be the main wage earner and leave the childcare to someone else. When my DS was born, it felt like I was complete. I'm happier, have more self esteem and confidence than I've ever had. I've met many other mums who feel similarly. Surely, our choice is just as valid as those who are WOHM? The point of feminism was that we should have that choice - whichever one we choose is our decision, surely?

[MoreThanChristmasCrackers]

I've not heard anybody say that if you work you are not a mum or not raising your dc.
I do hear people say that you aren't looking after your children whilst you are working, unless of course you have them with you.

I think problems arise and the inevitable bun fight when people try to generalise about a role the way they see it. Others are bound to see it another way.

I have only ever heard one woman in rl criticise another woman's choices. I gave her a black eye to go back into work with
I am not violent but she had wound me up for about 6 weeks and had no idea who I was, didn't know me at all.

[monicalewinski]

Sorry, messed it up a bit coz can't remember it exactly , it was basically saying that it was one or the other (mother or work, not both IYSWIM).

[thebody]

oh come on,, done to death and who cares?

do what suits you and yours.

seriously no one cares. except the daily mail and the wright stuff?

by the way if you are a parent you are always a parent! dh works abroad and is still the daddy.

[Hissy]

I am a mother. 24hours a day. Whether he is with me or not.

I'm the only bugger there is to bring up my DS.

I work. Cos if I didn't, who'd pay the bills?

So, I ask, Wtf is the point of this idiotic thread?

OP, save yourself, delete the thread that will turn out to be a bunfight, change your name so you don't have to live with the legacy.

[HandMini]

Hmm, lots of interesting points. To the PP that said "hasn't this been done to death?"....clearly not.

I work FT. I have 2 children.

I'm relaxed about this whole "who's raising them" argument. Of course my nanny is helping me to bring my children up - she meets their daily needs of being kept fed, safe, warm AND she teaches them songs, games, values, thoughts. Isn't that all part of raiaing? My DP (who also works full time)' parents and my DPs parents and my sister and brother all have input into their upbringing in their own way.

Of course I feel like I have some kind of "over all control" over thei raising, but really, I like the "it takes a village..." mentality.

What I can't reconcile with being a SAHM is the loss if financial independence. That's a personal thing though and I'd be interested to find out how SAHMs feel about it.

[Crowler]

I don't care if someone works or doesn't work. I do, however, find it interesting that SAHP's are almost universally mothers. I also find it interesting that if people are really honest, they would not consider it acceptable for men to be SAHP's more than one or two years past the age of full-time school and certainly not into the teenage years.

But like I said before, that's my macro perspective. Most of my friends are SAHM's. I work from home part-time and possibly identify more as a SAHM than a working mother.

[JohnnyBarthes]

The thread title right now is, ' To think that it's ok to want to bring up your children and to be a mother,
just as it's ok to go out to work instead?'

Which is basically saying that the choice is , work or be a mother, as if the two are mutually exclusive.

Is this the updated thread title? Because if it is, it's still bollocks.

[Lj8893]

The title hasent been changed moni

Basically the OP worded it wrong which she had acknowledged.
Many (including myself) read the title as if you go out to work it is instead of being a mother and bringing up your child (rather than as well as)

[Fleta]

I'm a SAHM and my DD is at school full time. I think she needs me far, far more as a SAHM now than ever.

[Lweji]

It takes a village to raise a child anyway and I like it that way

This too. And I work.

I'd hope that most adults that DS interacts with on a daily basis, and even weekly basis are also instilling him with values and care for his wellbeing. Only, they are not financially or legally responsible for him.

But I'm always a mother. Many of my decisions, even at work, are influenced by the fact that I have a child to take care of.

[katherinelilyflower]

It isn't a need, it is a want. Your DD WANTS you around as a SAHM more than ever. If you could not do this, you would adapt.

Without trying to scaremonger, I think my DD will need cold hard cash in the years to come: for university, if she's ever going to get on the property ladder after university, and for subsequent children she may have. My working is part of that, as conceiving her (IVF) wiped out all our savings.

She is worth it, though :)

[thebody]

nope still don't care! whatever suits you.

[wherethewildthingis]

I have just returned to full time work after six months maternity leave. My husband is now taking five months off, but before that he was at work full time. Every day I have women people tell me they couldn't do it, giving me sad sideways looka, asking me how I am feeling and coping, and one particular favourite who told me I must be mad. DH never had any of this and I doubt he will get any of it on his return to work.
Expectations on men and women as parents are very different.

[Fishandjam]

I too would fear loss of financial independence, earning capacity and future financial security if I became a SAHM. Something that isn't often discussed on these threads.

But that's just me - if it works for you, do it. If it doesn't, don't. I'm not much bothered about anyone else's life choices.

[MoreThanChristmasCrackers]

Fleta

My dc also needed/ need me as a sahm, sometimes even at a young age they tell you what they prefer.
Sometimes nobody else could do the things you do for them, even if they are at school.
I can see where you are coming from.

[tinkertaylor1]

I'm incredibly lucky enough to be able to be a SAHM while DH works to support us. We can just about afford it. We are not entitled to benefits.

I love it. I love every single minute of being with dd2 as I had to work with dd1. I even wear a pinny while I bake/cook. Im embracing it!

[Musicaltheatremum]

I too am very lucky in that I had a career which I could do part time. The public had paid my fees and paid me a grant to go to university to do medicine and I want to keep doing that. I am lucky that a. My husband had a good job so I could work part time and b. Enjoy my job. I still work part time and my children are away from home. They still need me from time to time.

[Permanentlyexhausted]

I'm lucky enough to have a full-time job which I love and which also provides financial security for my children and husband, both now and for the rest of my days.

[AhamSaidJackLambe]

I don't think it's too difficult to realise that the op is simply asking why she has to defend 'looking after' her child all the time instead of paying someone else to 'look after' them while she works.

I understand why people are getting worked up over the use of the word 'raise'. All parents raise their child.

This is about childcare. The op wants to provide the childcare herself all the time and she shouldn't have to defend this choice, no more than a working mother should have to defend paying for childcare to enable her to work.

[Permanentlyexhausted]

If she doesn't want to have to defend it, why start a discussion about it?

[ISawStrattersKissingSantaClaus]

Absolutely. And if either of my DDs choose to not have a career, and be SAHMs, I will be just as happy for them.

It's a personal choice. It affects no-one else, and is nobody else's business.

[Permanentlyexhausted]

What I mean by that is that she is turning it into an issue by raising it. If you think it shouldn't be an issue, why encourage people to voice their opinions?

[messalina]

it is a choice for the couple not the woman. why shld women have this choice and not men? and lots of people cannot afford any choice. they may have to work or may have to stay at home for financial reasons.