To leave dd1 home alone once a week for an hour while I work?

[MissMalteser]

dd1 is just turned 11 & since her birthday I have started to let her walk home from school once a week (ten minute walk, no main roads) let herself into the house & start her homework until I get home from work (she gets home @ 3:15 & I am home for around 4:15, I pop home @ lunchtime & open the door for her so she has no key to worry about losing, & call her @ around 3:30 to make sure she's got home ok & started her homework
I was quite comfortable with this & saw it as her starting to gain some independence, especially since come September she will be needing to travel to secondary school on her own, including unaccompanied on a bus, so I seen it as a bit of preparation one day a week
However I've just had a call from her teacher, asking if I was in need of any "additional support" after school as she was sure it was a worry for me, and did I know they had an after school club?
I was quite taken aback and explained all the reasons I was quite fine with it, which she did agree with, but it did make me a bit tbh
Dd1 is also quite happy with the arrangement btw & is quite mature for her age, she knows not to use the cooker if she is hungry, don't open the door to anyone and my number is programmed into our home phone etc

[MissMalteser]

Sorry mammatj I missed your question, well I got the sense I said all the right things, if that's the way to put it, I thanked her for the option of the after school club but explained our reasoning for doing it this way was not due to lack of childcare but to encourage independence, I assured her dd1 has emergency numbers at hand, and that I work very close to home and can be there in minutes if needed, but I probably did also come across as very incredulous

[MissMalteser]

Popius... I think you have misread how I intended this to come across, I was stating ss will have wasted their time DUE to me being comfortable with the situation, and i have no intention of changing it, not that they would be coming out so assess how comfortable i am with it

[PopiusTartius]

My point is that you are completely misunderstanding how SS work. It doesn't matter whether you are comfortable with it. What matters is the hell they can make your life if THEY are not comfortable with it.

And whilst I don't personally have a problem with what you are doing, it seems the school might. And other posters on this thread have said that SS might well be interested.

[DeWe]

I would give her the key, if only because I hate walking into our house unlocked. Dh has an awful habit of forgetting to lock the door, and I loathe coming bakc and finding it's unlocked. I have the creepy, what if there's someone upstairs feeling until I've checked. We're in a low crime rate area (one of the lowest) and I still feel that way.

[MissMalteser]

Popius, what on earth leads you to believe I am misunderstanding how ss work? the decision I have made is not illegal, is completely within the guidelines given by nspcc, and given there are no other issues for concern I am pretty sure ss have other more important cases they could be looking at, but hey, let's not let that little fact stand in the way of a good ss witch hunt

[Ragwort]

Popius do you really think SS would get involved? I have now mentioned this on 2 different threads but got no response - I became aware of a possible safe guarding problem recently (young child being in the sole care of an alcoholic relative) - I contacted SS and they told me 'there was insufficient evidence and they would not investigate' . I find that incredible when there is so much in the press about society 'turning a blind eye' to these sorts of situations.

You keep reading on mumsnet about the 'threat' of SS involvement but where I live we could do with a bit more support from SS. The person I spoke to sounded like a bored teenager - when I asked to speak to someone senior she went away & then came back to say it wasn't possible. I have now raised this incident with a different agency & hope it gets followed through.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

Those who think you will be visited by SS and had 'your life made hell' for this are really deluded or seriously biased due to their own (SN aside) is not at risk of significant harm if they are left home alone for 1 hour. Unless you are leaving out other details such as; you live in a brothel.

[mirry2]

Amazing how precious we've all become about children being home alone while having no problem (I assume) if they go out to play in the park or communal areas.

[Snog]

Give her a key and a plan for if she loses it.
Provided your dd is safe and feels comfortable with being left alone there is no problem here imo.

[Madmammy83]

How many people have sat on a laptop in one room while their 11 year old (or younger) is alone in another room for more than a few hours? Worth thinking about.

Personally I think 11 would be too young for my son but you know your own child and you know if they're responsible enough to be left. Definitely get a key though. Also, just curious as to how her teacher actually found out? She's not afraid on her own or anything is she?

[gettingeasiernow]

If you think the child is mature enough, it's absolutely fine. It's far safer to be home than in communal parks etc. I tell mine he can't go in the kitchen (my irrational fear is that he would knock into the cooker and turn the gas on by accident), and leave water and a snack out.

[MissMalteser]

Madmammy her teacher overheard her telling her friends she had to go straight home from school as I would worry if she didn't answer the phone when it rang, she is not uncomfortable at all, she enjoys the peace and quiet :)

[FruitbatAuntie]

I think this is fine at 11, if she is generally sensible.

From age 8 upwards if I was off school ill, my parents had to go to work so they would leave me at home in front of the TV all morning, pop home at lunchtime, then I was alone again til 3.45/4ish.

I do remember on one occasion the headteacher phoning home (about something else) and I had to say my mum had just nipped to the shop, then ring her at work so she could ring him back! So they must have felt that others may frown on this tactic. I was always fine though as I was very sensible.

[birdmomma]

This is completely fine. I used to work as a social worker in the UK, and they would have zero interest in this as a child protection issue. It is laughable to think of this as something SS would be interested in.

[greenfolder]

We live in an area with middle schools. So they move for year 5, when they are 9. My elder dd used to walk to after school club at her old lower school, but this was further from home. And if she was late all they could do was ring me. So I just let her go home and I would get in at 5. A fair few parents did this (it would depend on the child)

[NigellasLeftNostril]

It is laughable to think of this as something SS would be interested in no it is not, when I left my 10 or 11 year old twins home alone, for about an hour, v much a 'one off' somebody from the school phoned for me and when they heard i was out they phoned SS.
I then received a letter from them, had a v nasty and judgemental phonecall, and was sent a leaflet on neglect.
that was Brighton and Hove SS if anyone is interested.
Be warned.

[NigellasLeftNostril]

and from what OP has said, the school are already aware. she should tread carefully.

[lilyaldrin]

Sending you a leaflet is hardly threatening to take your kids, is it?

I think some posters must have very underworked SS departments where they live. I have some contact with SWs due to my work and the challenge is usually getting them to take action! The thresholds for child protection are a lot higher than most people would expect.

[NigellasLeftNostril]

well no of course not, but still.....once they are aware of you it is not good. And yes there are underworked SS departments out there, where we live now SS are un-fucking-believable - their child protection thresholds are a lot lower than people would expect.

[mumtobealloveragain]

OP. As long as your DS is happy being left, knows the rules, is trusted and sensible enough to stick to them and to use the "fallback" arrangements if anything happens ( she gets scared, locks herself out etc) then you're doing nothing wrong!

I'd also be a bit miffed about the teacher taking her out of class to discuss it!

Trashcanjunkie- It's absolutely not the same as you leaving a 6/7 yr old home alone for 15-20mins. No wonder there was a SS referral! Totally irresponsible. At that he fostering independence in them should be keeping their rooms tidy, learning how to safely cross the road for the future etc. Not being left home alone without an adult. A 6/7 yr old even a very mature one is far too young!

[MissMalteser]

I am treading carefully nigella, this is a very recent and considered move since dd turned 11, and I don't mind at all if ss become aware.
I am happy to explain the measures I have taken to make sure she feels comfortable and secure, and I am fostering independence, I am sorry you have had a bad experience with ss before, however as stated above I am working within recommend guidelines and I feel you may be projecting slightly, dd is not 'ten or eleven' she is eleven, and has not been left alone as a one off, but as part of a routine that she is fully prepared for, it is a different situation to the one you encountered and therefore can't be compared to the outcome you had

[NigellasLeftNostril]

i am not 'projecting' I am trying to warn you.

[IloveJudgeJudy]

I think it's perfectly fine. YANBU. I would just like to add my experience to the mix. When DC were in Y5, I allowed them to walk home alone. There were always other friends, or for DS1 I was walking the other DC home, anyway. DD and DS2 had a different teacher, who was really not happy that I was not at the school to pick them up. I was very happy with it as there were always people around, in particular, friends who were walking the exact same way home with their DC, or I was walking their DC home. I think sometimes teachers get a bit concerned when they don't need to be.

[trashcanjunkie]

rubbish mumtobe I had an excellent conversation with ss when I spoke to them. The complaint was made by my abusive ex, so ss were obliged to make contact with me. I told them exactly what I was doing and why, and they agreed I was doing a fantastic job raising my twins and well within my rights as a responsible parent to leave them for short periods. I had already done this with my elder dc. I have also had child protection training so am completely aware of the law on this issue.

[NigellasLeftNostril]

all situations are different, the one you have outlined with the teacher phoning you and you leaving an empty unlocked house for your daughter to return to, sounds v v close to ss involvement. And they will not care how smug or middle class you are.