To leave dd1 home alone once a week for an hour while I work?

[MissMalteser]

dd1 is just turned 11 & since her birthday I have started to let her walk home from school once a week (ten minute walk, no main roads) let herself into the house & start her homework until I get home from work (she gets home @ 3:15 & I am home for around 4:15, I pop home @ lunchtime & open the door for her so she has no key to worry about losing, & call her @ around 3:30 to make sure she's got home ok & started her homework
I was quite comfortable with this & saw it as her starting to gain some independence, especially since come September she will be needing to travel to secondary school on her own, including unaccompanied on a bus, so I seen it as a bit of preparation one day a week
However I've just had a call from her teacher, asking if I was in need of any "additional support" after school as she was sure it was a worry for me, and did I know they had an after school club?
I was quite taken aback and explained all the reasons I was quite fine with it, which she did agree with, but it did make me a bit tbh
Dd1 is also quite happy with the arrangement btw & is quite mature for her age, she knows not to use the cooker if she is hungry, don't open the door to anyone and my number is programmed into our home phone etc

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

*I'll just add I wouldn't be happy for her coming home to an unlocked house - she should have a key.

[Abra1d]

YANBU.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

Social services would not be interested in you leaving your 11 year old for one hour once a week. Sometimes I think these safeguarding courses do more harm than good if people are being told crap like that!

[WidowWadman]

What is it with not allowing children to answer the phone? Will some sprite come through the line and grab them? If worried about answering door, use one of these chain things which stops the door from being opened more than a bit.

11 is old enough to have a key.

[Bonsoir]

WidowWadman - here in Paris parents are advised to tell children not to answer the home telephone when alone at home because there are problems with break-ins when there are no adults around. I know teens who have been bound and gagged at knife point while the apartment has been robbed of technology.

[TeacupDrama]

SS would not be remotely interested unless other much bigger issues

[whatever5]

I would say that it is fine except that if you don't feel she can be trusted with a key, you shouldn't trust her to look after herself for an hour. I don't know where you live but I'm not surprised the teacher is concerned if your dd has told her that she goes home to an unlocked house. I wouldn't hide the key anywhere either unless there is no chance that someone could see her collecting it.

[Rufus44]

YANBU

I would give her a key though, as others have said anyone could be in the house

[NigellasLeftNostril]

However I've just had a call from her teacher, asking if I was in need of any "additional support" after school as she was sure it was a worry for me, and did I know they had an after school club
be careful then, the school's next step could well be to call SS with their concerns.
and BTW you can be found guilty of neglect if anything happens.
just saying.

[NigellasLeftNostril]

and yes they would be interested, teacupdrama

[ll31]

You're not fostering too much independence if you're showing her you don't trust her with a key.
Plus it seems crazy to leave door open. Think that is completely mad. Give her a key

[MammaTJ]

I started leaving DD1 at home for half an hour while we nipped to the shops, then gradually for longer.

Not sure I will do the same with DD2 though.

I would say your DD is certainly old enough at 12 though.

Nigellas, stop with the 'child snatcher' scenario!

OP, how did you feel the conversation went with the teacher? Did you feel they were still concerned, or reassured by the chat?

[whatever5]

As others have said, whether it's okay to leave an 11 year old home alone for an hour depends on the maturity of the child. You have said that she is quite mature for her age but maybe her teachers think otherwise. The fact that you don't trust her with a key at the age of 11 suggests that she isn't as mature for her age as you think.

[Rubybrazilianwax]

Key on one of those telephone cord key rings. Sew onto inside pocket of blazer or front pocket of school bag. My ds (11) is very prone to losing things but this way I know he won't lose his key.
I wouldnt worry about her being left alone but would worry about leaving house open. We live in a very safe area, one crime every 3 years type place! But you still just don't know who is about

[NigellasLeftNostril]

mamma what 'child snatcher' scenario?
i was just saying that social services would be interested, not what I think about children home alone - everyone has to make their own choices based on their own child and circs - who would I be to judge?

I was saying on a different thread recently that SS came down on me like the proverbial bricks when I left two 10 or 11 year olds (cannot recall exactly) alone, as a one off, for approx one hour. I think other parents should be warned.

[MyBachisworsethanmybite]

Definitely agree about giving her a key.

It doesn't preclude burglary, though. When I was 12 I came home from school at the end of term to an empty house which had been burgled in the morning.

I think my mum made record time home from work that day when I phoned her. She sent me to wait at a friend's and got the next door neighbour to take their Very Large Dog all through the house before calling the police.

[JohnnyBarthes]

The issue we've had with answering the phone is scam callers - the sort who call to tell your PC have been infected with a virus. DS is bright enough to know that they're scammers but a couple of times they were really rude and he was quite shaken.

He has a mobile - problem solved.

[whatever5]

We have phones with "caller display" so dd knows whether me, her father or grandparents are calling. Otherwise she doesn't answer the phone. She also has a mobile but I like to be able to contact her via landline as well as it's more reliable than a mobile (sound is not always on her mobile, reception is not always good etc.

[MinesAPintOfTea]

MyBach what giving her a key precludes is the burglar being able to get in and neatly close the door behind themself without anything looking untoward. She's far more likely to notice (and go to a friend/elderly neighbour instead) if the door has been forced etc. than if someone just walked in through an unlocked door.

[Orangeychoc]

The only thing which would worry me is her walking into an unlocked house with anyone potentially inside. I assume she can lock the door from the inside when she's in?

[Oblomov]

Nigella' spots re SS came down hard on her:
See, you think you are doing the right thing, encouraging independence. Then you are told not to.
How are you supposed to know what to do?

[MyBachisworsethanmybite]

Minesapint - no. True. Though I was home about half an hour before I noticed anything was wrong. The smashed windows weren't in rooms I went in first.

The silver cutlery canteens were out but I thought that someone must have used them for some reason.

[MammaTJ]

I was saying on a different thread recently that SS came down on me like the proverbial bricks when I left two 10 or 11 year olds (cannot recall exactly) alone, as a one off, for approx one hour. I think other parents should be warned.

Nigella, please explain.

[MissMalteser]

I am not worried about a call from social services tbh, though I will be sorry they have wasted their time of course, as stated before I am very comfortable with the situation and the only thing that will be changing is I have got her a key cut that attaches to her bag
I completely disagree with the posters who said if she can't be trusted with a key she can't be trusted home alone, she has a habit of tidying things away and never finding them again, but this does not mean she is incapable in other aspects of her life, I am also her mother and know her strengths and weaknesses and I know that if I had any doubt at all she wasn't ready for it then she qould go to her grans the way she does another 2 days a week
How on earth are we meant to encourage independence then if we can't use our own common sense and build these small steps into their everyday lives?

[PopiusTartius]

"I will be sorry they have wasted their time of course, as stated before I am very comfortable with the situation"

Yes, because parental comfort is the bar for Social Services decision making.