To ask you to help my sister and I plan an epic proposal to her DP?

[ExcitedEmmy]

My sister and her DP have been together for 6 years. He has two daughters aged 7 and 8 and she has a 7 year son plus they have a three year old son and one year old daughter together. They have loads of contact with his children and are sickeningly happy, to be honest. They have spoken about marriage and agree its going to be in their future but her DP is shy about proposing in front of anyone. However, he does like positive attention - just not instigating it (if that makes any sense.) My Dsis wants to plan a surprise proposal. For those of you who hate these things, please stop reading now rather than wasting your time commenting negatively.

Some ideas she/we have had are:

Planning a family photoshoot and having the children hold props reading out 'will you marry me?' Which he doesn't see until the photo

Her hiring a screen at the local cinema - it's really small and so inexpensive. She takes him out for a date (they never go out but have been meaning to for ages) and then the film is interrupted by a photo slide show with music and captions of their lives together so far. At the end it says:'will you marry me?' And when the lights go up it turns out their family/friends/kids have sneaked in and they then have an engagement party.

Opinions on these ideas and any other ideas would be Great please. I know not many women propose and some people don't agree with it, but thought I might get some great ideas here.

[FriskyHenderson]

Surely there's a way to do a surprise wedding? Now that would be fantastic.

[ExcitedEmmy]

Don't you have to both give notice of your intention to marry? Or is that only for Church weddings?

[Morloth]

If someone proposed to me with an audience (especially my kids) I would feelpressured into saying Yes and then have to get out of it later.

Proposal can be romantic but private, maybe announce it in a big way.

[ExcitedEmmy]

But Morloth, he's spoken about how he would like the wedding to be etc. It's like theres an understanding they'll marry that hasn't been formalised so theres no chance of him saying no. But I do see your point and she's thinking it'll be just the two of them at the cinema now

[Morloth]

Obviously there is a chance he will say No or they would already be engaged/married.

Private cinema sounds awesome.

[womblesofwestminster]

I love the idea of a woman proposing rather than waiting wistfully to be proposed to.

Really? Read this.

[Morloth]

There is a clue in the name of that website as to what articles they are going to write.

I would have happily proposed to DH, indeed he knew I had life plans and have no patience. But he beat me to it.

[squoosh]

Listen up ladies, the Conservatives think you should jolly well wait for a proposal, otherwise you're just tricking the poor chap into saying yes when he bally well doesn't want to. No one likes these dreadful modern gels. Know your place!

[MorrisZapp]

I'm beyond icy. I simply don't understand the concept of proposals. How can two adults in a serious relationship be unable to have a conversation like shall we get married. Why it's meant to be one person asking the other and getting nervous about the answer... I'm just not getting it.

I think it's the ring and the attention that has kept this bizarrely dated custom alive. Almost all couple live together before marriage. Bloody weird to have kids with somebody and not have had a conversation about marriage/ future etc.

Sorry. I'm missing the squeeeeee gene.

[Morloth]

Maybe Morris I am pretty icy.

But I remember the moment wgen DH asked me to marry him very clearly and still get a bit squidgy when I think/talk about it.

Neither of us are terribly romantic or demonstrative but he really made it a special moment.

[ImperialBlether]

Not being funny here, but they've got five kids together and she wants a long engagement?

[charitygirl]

Ah wombles, youve been prolific tonight, but you've shown your hand with that link. Harry Benson! snort

[tooManyVoices]

Excited
can you not just delicately try to find out what your sister DP think about marriage etc or just how serious he is about future plans

In situation like that one it can be the easiest solution

The idea is very romantic in way

[ExcitedEmmy]

Morris they've had the conversation but dsis would like to do something special and memorable for him and the kids. Imperial - they'd need to save for the wedding and they want all of the children to be old enough to be involved. tooMany - he definitely wants marriage, there is no question.

[knocknock]

If he is extremely shy it can be a good idea

[Morloth]

What happens with the kids if they are included in this and he says No?

Also uncomfortable to attend an engagement party if the answer is No.

It is not 100%, if it was then there would be no need to ask.

[marcopront]

My ex talked about going married and how he would propose, he still buggered off though.

Having two children together is a big commitment. When he has talked about getting married what has she said? If she said yes, then she has agreed to marry him, so surely they are engaged. An engagement is just an agreement to marry.

[TheDietStartsTomorrow]

If they don't have the money to get married right away, where is she going to find the money to hire the cinema screen for a proposal? If a 30 min hiring costs approx £2,000 it's going to cost a fortune to do it properly.

If he's shy, I'd definitely recommend a more private, personal and romantic proposal.

[TheDietStartsTomorrow]

30 seconds, not 30 mins!

[SchrodingersHat]

I've just checked the prices for my local independent cinema. Off peak it costs £400 to hire which includes £100 minimum bar spend (so £300 if people buy their own drinks). I think the £2,000 quoted above was for a 30 sec commercial at one of the bigger chains.

[ZillionChocolate]

You do have to give notice with civil weddings so I've never understood how people manage surprise ones.

If your DP doesn't want to marry you, isn't that something you'd want to know? Ok, having all your friends and family there would make it a car crash, but better to know now than waiting ten years for him to ask. I've always thought with big proposals you'd probably say yes, then back out the week after, rather than say no there and then.

That Harry bloke seems like a cave man.

[ExcitedEmmy]

If everyone was as negative as people on this board no one would ever propose in case the other person said no! The kids will not know beforehand about the proposal. If, in the extremely unlikely event, he said no then the party could stick with being a birthday/graduation party. Dsis isn't desperate to get married, her DP sees it as much more important. She'd be happyto stay with him if he said no as she sees the kids as enough commitment but that's so so unlikely to happen

[themaltesefalcon]

Dsis isn't desperate to get married, her DP sees it as much more important.

That isn't really the case, though, is it?

[SirChenjin]

If everyone was as negative as people on this board no one would ever propose in case the other person said no!

Can I just be clear - I'm not negative about proposals, and having been married for almost 20 years I think marriage is generally a pretty great thing! Public proposals are just strange imo - why would you want to do something that is essentially a very intimate, loving and private thing in front of a bunch of people?

However, I'm really not 'getting' this one - they've been together for 6 years, have kids together and from previous relationships, he's spoken about wanting to get married loads of times (although your sister doesn't say much about it to him, but he's never actually asked her because he is shy about proposing in front of everyone? So the solution is not for the 2 of them to just sit down and say "right, when will we get married"?

[ExcitedEmmy]

Um yes it is, hence why I wrote it. They've both had failed marriages and she's said to him many times she'd completely understand if he didn't want to remarry as his ex was a nightmare and that she's happy to remain unmarried. He is the one who says no, it's definitely what he wants and they aren't the sort of couple to play silly games