I am 32 and my boy-friend of 2.5 years is 5 years younger than I am.
2 years ago I fell pregnant and as we were both not ready, I had an abortion. I have regretted this decision ever since.
Then earlier ths year I was very unwell for a period and during this time discovered I was pregnant. I was delighted and surprised and wanted to keep it, however my boy-friend did not and became a monster, becoming quite verbally unpleasant. He pleaaded and begged for me to have another abortion saying we would have kids in 2 years time, not having any consideration for what risks there may be, and after realising I would not give in, he threatened to leave me and said some very hurtful things. The stress was immense from the constant arguing and I miscarried.
Becoming pregnant again has awaken my biological clock and now I have such a strong urge for children and am terrified of leaving it much longer as I am not a spring chicken.
I asked him about kids and he now says that he does not know when he will be ready for kids, and that the whole "2 years time" nonsense was said in panic. But that he definately wants kids with me in the future.
He thinks that everything has gone back to normal and that we can just carry on as before however I am offended how against our baby he was, and my parents has expressed that I should have more self esteem and find a better man who will look after me in the emotional sense, as my current boy-friend is like a teenage boy who never grew up.
However I am in love and I do believe that he is in love with me. We are both British but met working abroad. He gave up his job and moved to my city to be together / we h ave shared so much. But I know in my heart that we have no future because of the baby situation, but I am scared of the heart ache and loneliness that will follow if I break up with him. We live together and it will tear me apart seeing him go.
I am crying as I write this. I would like to bear from other ladies who were/Are in simular situations and how you got through it.
Thanks x
AIBU?
Should I breakup with boyfriend who is not ready for kids
Hellokitty00 · 16/11/2013 18:10
so sorry you lost your baby.
You are worth more than he will give you.
Nothing in your post would alter my advice which would be to listen to your parents and leave him.
Then after you have left him, don't rush into another relationship until you can work out why you have a pattern of relationships with twunts.
I have never seen such a unanimous thread about relationships.
Sorry about your baby 
I'm not making excuses for my boyfriend but
In the nicest possible way, you are making excuses for him.
this episode was the only time he got really angry and was swearing/screaming at me usually he is gentle and not a bad guy
Emotionally abusive men will work in cycles to try and keep you sweet and to keep you doubting yourself. If he was screaming at you all the time, you wouldn't be there. You said earlier that your boyfriend 'became a monster' when you didn't want to have an abortion. Would someone who is 'not a bad guy' do this?
I do recognise his short-comings in terms of his selfishness and immature behaviour and how he treated me at that delicate time and the unfortunate outcome largely because of it. He is the kind of guy who gets hammered on a night out and loses his phone/ or forgets to phone/ loses wallet
What makes you think parenthood will change this? Is this really the sort of man you want to be a father to your children? Or that you want your children to be like?
I've been just been in 2 other long-term relationships in my life and in hindsight those were bad choice in men. I guess in part I fell for current boyf because he was the nicest of the lot.
Best of a bad lot isn't a very good reason to stay though, and I think you know that yourself. Have you considered counselling of some sort? From what you've said it sounds like you've been in a couple of bad relationships and there might be bigger issues at play here. You sound as if you're very frightened of being alone, as opposed to being without him.
You deserve so much better than this. You say you're scared that other men won't have his good qualities, but while you're stuck with him you rule out any possibility of finding anyone who has better ones. Please consider contacting women's aid for a chat and saying to them what you've said here. Things can be better than this for you
Just to add, FWIW, even if he wasn't an emotionally abusive twunt, I would be advising you to leave him.
I was with a petulant manchild who didn't want kids (when we split up he got very indignant saying that he never said neverwanted kids. He did, however, say he would hate to have them, so it seems like splitting hairs to me). I remember (of all fucking things) being in a chip shop seeing a Mum playing with her baby in the buggy and thinking if I stay with this man, I will never have this. So I broke up with him. I was scared of finding another relationship and it was incredibly painful, but it was the right thing to do.
I went on to meet a wonderful, kind man and have been with him for the last three and a half years. Our daughter is due December 20th. 
While I can't promise everything will be amazing if you leave your bf, but if you stay with him you won't get the kind of future that you want or deserve.
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