to want my phone back

[ScornedWoman]

My ndn goes through phases of using my phone a lot.
The last few days it's been about 10x a day. They usually take it home with them as " it's a private call." I let them, as I don't want my DC overhearing their dramas/drug deals etc.
She took it at about 5pm yesterday, then asked for it again an hour later. I reminded her that she already had it. It hasn't come back yet.
They're definitely still alive, as they were banging about and shouting until 3am, and I've heard them on and off all evening.
The neighbor was drunk/stoned, as usual, and blood splattered (not so usual) yesterday.
My friend thinks I should get it back and only let them use it in genuine emergencies. I dont really know how to stop them asking, now that they know it works at their house. Also, their lives are a never ending succession of emergencies. Yesterday was, apparently, a sword attack.
I'm wondering if they've just forgotten, or whether they're still using it.
Am I being petty wanting my phone back?

[ScornedWoman]

Well, I've got my phone back now, haven't I?

[cantheyseeme]

I meant in the long run

[ScornedWoman]

I don't know. Keep saving up to fund a house move whilst hoping they move first, I suppose.
I know they want to move. Maybe this latest thing will get them moved for their own protection? Although, when they were being threatened by people they owed money to once before, the police 'just' installed security cameras for them, and they got a huge TV from Brighthouse and gave it to pay off the debt.(And, yes, I did decline being a guarantor when Brighthouse called to say I'd been named on the application!)
I can't see either of them living to a ripe old age, mind, so maybe that's my best hope...

[BopsX3]

Did they report the attack to the police?

[ScornedWoman]

I think they reported it - I assumed that's why she came for the phone. It's hard to know as she was phoning the police on and off all day, and the day before, about something else. I gather the parents of a young girl they had staying in the house (a friend of the teenage son) had threatened them the day before.

[maddy68]

I would get a cheap pay as you go, with no credit on it. I would say that's your new phone. Then they can borrow it as much as they like. Gets you off the hook! I would call the police every time I heard something dodgy

[ScornedWoman]

Maybe I should, Maddy. I did say for ages that my house phone was on incoming calls only, but then they started asking to use a text! They know I wouldn't leave myself with no way of communicating/ getting help in an emergency, just as they know I'd not have no food or a bit of cash in the house. I did insist that I had none once, and she suggested going to the cash point 'for me!' Another time, I said the only cash in the house was coppers in the tin where we chuck bits as bobs and she said it was better than nothing, and took it.
It's really, really annoying and embarrassing (she turns up drunk/crying/scrounging when I have people round). BUT I just think that to be willing to humiliate yourself to that degree, then she/they must be desperate, and it's hard to say no to a desperate family :-/

[ScornedWoman]

Aaargh, his sister has just phoned and said she thought it was their house number! So, that's his mum answering it last night, and his sister ringing it today. She asked if I knew if her mum was there (next door) I know she was angling for me to get up and go round there with my phone.
This is ridiculous, isn't it?

[SofaKing]

Yes. I'd do as suggested up thread and get a cheap pay as you go with no credit. Do not answer your house phone, dial 1471 and call back if it is a number you recognise. They will stop phoning if you never answer, turn the ringer down as much as possible too.

I would keep your change jar beside the door and keep insisting that is all you have spare, but they are welcome it it.

If they need to phone in an emergency, give them some change for a phone box and explain you have no landline and are out of credit, so have kept change aside in case you need to phone someone in an emergency.

I feel really, really sorry for both you and them, but as you've said they have help in place and you can ill afford to help them too. If you are less useful to them they will ask you for help less and find someone else.

Good luck, I had antisocial neighbours and it was a nightmare, they were as unpleasant as yours but less vulnerable and more scrounging!

[cantheyseeme]

If movings not an option for now just refuse, if they are desperate its of their own making, they will never learn if u keep giving. Have u checked your phone bill?

[ParsleyTheLioness]

How are things now OP?

[ScornedWoman]

Things have been quiet for a day or so. So, they're either stoned, or avoiding me until we all 'forget' the £5 she had from me the other day!
Thanks for asking :-)

[onedev]

I think you've had a hard time for no reason Op - you're doing what you need to in order to stay on the 'right' side of your violent neighbours & it's likely what I'd do too!

If I were you, I'd say the handset was broken & replace it with a phone attached to the wall (although that would mean having them in your house to use it). I'd probably carry on ordering a taxi for the MIL if that's not too much of an inconvenience & keep the change jar by the front door as being the only money in the house!

Re food, I'd say that you needed to do a big shop so didn't have any spare or had people coming round, so again, couldn't spare any. Otherwise again, could you keep a little stock of staples for when they ask?

I don't see it as you enabling them at all, instead doing what you need to in order to live peacefully beside them.

Good luck & hoping they move away soon!

[Caitlin17]

I second queuing wishing you good luck. I've never had to deal with anything like this and I doubt very much I'd be handling it as well as you are.

So far as anyone who has criticised you possibly if you'd been Tracey Connolly's or Amanda Hutton's neighbour there might have been a different outcome.

[ScornedWoman]

Caitlin and onedev - thank you. I actually think I got off lightly; this being my first AIBU!
And, Caitlin, that's a sobering (for want of a better phrase) thought.

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

I was originally at you OP, but you have two choices with ferals: manage them (which you're doing well) or kill 'em all and stick the heads on the porch roof to discourage the others.

The only thing I'd add to Caitlin's post is Mick Philpott. A cheap fire extinguisher might be a thought.

[enriquetheringbearinglizard]

OP I would counsel you to go back to post one of this thread and read it as though it were all written by someone else.

It seems to me that your neighbour is possibly in a vulnerable situation but she is also using you in a cynical way and is massively manipulative.

As an outsider it seems to me that you are a vulnerable party, giving in to her demands because it's the course of least resistance. The NDNs are having a huge negative impact on your living circumstances, which you are otherwise happy with.

I don't know what the answer is because I understand that you want to keep the peace regardless, but I think if it were me, I'd try acting as though I was friendly but helpless and not in a situation to enable their activities at all.

I wish you the best of luck.