Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

AIBU?

to want my phone back

142 replies

ScornedWoman · 14/11/2013 20:11

My ndn goes through phases of using my phone a lot.
The last few days it's been about 10x a day. They usually take it home with them as " it's a private call." I let them, as I don't want my DC overhearing their dramas/drug deals etc.
She took it at about 5pm yesterday, then asked for it again an hour later. I reminded her that she already had it. It hasn't come back yet.
They're definitely still alive, as they were banging about and shouting until 3am, and I've heard them on and off all evening.
The neighbor was drunk/stoned, as usual, and blood splattered (not so usual) yesterday.
My friend thinks I should get it back and only let them use it in genuine emergencies. I dont really know how to stop them asking, now that they know it works at their house. Also, their lives are a never ending succession of emergencies. Yesterday was, apparently, a sword attack.
I'm wondering if they've just forgotten, or whether they're still using it.
Am I being petty wanting my phone back?

OP posts:

Report

ScornedWoman · 14/11/2013 22:42

They have mobiles, but rarely have credit.They tend to just say to whoever they call to them back on their mobiles. She usually says it's social services or her mum, and I have actually spoken to social workers and her mum, over the years, when they've redialled after she's called them.

OP posts:

bebopanddoowop · 14/11/2013 22:43

I think you've been given a hard time on this thread OP. I totally understand how at first you would have got into the situation out of neighbourly kindness, then upon realising they're bad eggs don't want to get on the wrong side of them. I know what it's like to live next to intimidating / scary neighbours, and you do your best to keep it civil.

But it sounds like you are at the end of your tether and it can't go in any longer. Next time they ask for your phone, tell them unfortunately you're really struggling to pay the bills now so are gonna have to stop using it for outgoing calls. Suggest a nearby pay phone or that you've seen a deal on for cheap payg phones you were considering, maybe they would be interested in.

About all the other problems, every time you hear an incident / violence / threats inform the police and keep a log if each as this is the only way either them or environmental health will do something about, and hopefully with enough evidence will relocate them.

ScornedWoman · 14/11/2013 22:45

Presumably, it's because all their benefits go on drink and drugs, they they've never got any money for food and phone credit.

OP posts:

cantheyseeme · 14/11/2013 22:46

To try a different more constructive approach have you thought about going to womens aid with this? They could help get the wheels in motion to gt you moved if this is becoming unbearable or scary for you.

ScornedWoman · 14/11/2013 22:51

Thanks, bebop. My son gives me a hard time about it, too. But he doesn't give me any viable solutions.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 14/11/2013 22:52

You don't think they're calling landlines, do you?

ScornedWoman · 14/11/2013 22:54

Yes, cantheysee, I've spoken to Women's Aid, but I have an adult male in my household, so can't access their accommodation.

OP posts:

LadyBeagleEyes · 14/11/2013 22:56

I couldn't live like that Op.
You're only helping them out because you're scared of them.

cantheyseeme · 14/11/2013 22:57

They can give support though like supporting evidence with an application to move, or even your GP etc.

ScornedWoman · 14/11/2013 23:00

You're right, Ladybeagle, I'm a scaredy-cat who's too chicken shit to start a row with the family of violent thugs next door, even with my 19y old Aspie and my toddler as back up!

OP posts:

BopsX3 · 14/11/2013 23:01

I don't see what WA could do you for you anyway tbh. You aren't personally experiencing or at risk of domestic violence. I honestly think the HA and the police are your best bet. You can report them anonymously. It could be anyone off your street that could've reported them, and they're probably less likely to point the finger at you after all the help you're giving them.

They're taking you for granted and no one can put a stop to it unless you speak up.

LadyBeagleEyes · 14/11/2013 23:02

It's no way to live Op.
They're anti social neighbours and should be evicted.

ThornSayre · 14/11/2013 23:08

We had something similar. The threshold for eviction is extremely high and not something I was willing to risk. I have two children. HA told us that what usually happens is that the victims move.

Even if they had hospitalised one of us and been rehoused elsewhere, why would you stay put when the friends and family of the perpetrators know where you are and yet you don't know where they live?

We eventually found a swap with someone in a naice area who was of a similar ilk and apparently they are all getting along wonderfully!

ScornedWoman · 14/11/2013 23:10

They were recently threatened with eviction after contractors refused to work in the house due to the number of people who were in there, but, as usual, their army of support workers did what they're paid to do, ie, supported them to maintain the tenancy :-/

OP posts:

ThornSayre · 14/11/2013 23:11

Posted too soon. Look at the website and do not dismiss filthy and atrociously-decorated houses. It is all surface stuff and chances are, birds of a feather etc that they won't mind your neighbours at all. Good luck.

ScornedWoman · 14/11/2013 23:21

Thanx, Thornsayer.
I am actually trying to save up to move.
I reckon my best bet is an exchange with someone who isn't local, so doesn't know of them!
We've lived here for 10 years and my son and me both work very locally.
I dont really want to move, as it's otherwise quiet, there's a good park and shops and it's, basically, an affordable 3 bed semi with of road parking and countryside views.

OP posts:

ThornSayre · 14/11/2013 23:30

It's gutting I know. Our new house is much smaller but the peace of mind is invaluable. This is also the ideal time of year to be showing people round. Our problem was twenty or so feral children hanging about outside but they tend to fuck off when it's cold and dark.

ScornedWoman · 14/11/2013 23:48

I did think I might get flamed for being unsympathetic and judgemental!
I do have genuine sympathy for these people, well her and the boy. I sometimes think that, though living next to them is shit, actually being them must be even more shit!

OP posts:

ThornSayre · 14/11/2013 23:57

I am sure you do have immense sympathy, but this is AIBU so you got a roasting for enabling instead

ScornedWoman · 15/11/2013 00:32

I actually think they're being enabled by the professionals and services.
They're told what they're entitled to, and given practical help to claim it. Income Support, DLA (or whatever it is now), Carer's Allowance, free house, free food (foodbank), free technology, free transport, free drugs, free lawyers, free money and so on. Where's the incentive to help themselves (other than to other people's stuff)?

It's interesting reading the responses - my friend reckons I've become sort of immune to it and I think she's right. I should have been shocked by my ndn being attacked, and outraged that they nicked my phone, but I'm not.

OP posts:

ThornSayre · 15/11/2013 00:44

I am not getting into a debate about benefits. I am also a carer. One DC has a disability and another a life-long and restricting medical condition.

Best to focus on the behaviour of your ndn, I think. I agree that some systemic enabling goes on, but DLA fraud and error is less than 1%

Caitlin17 · 15/11/2013 00:56

You sound remarkably calm but I'd definitely get rid of the landline if at all possible.

You say you've been there 10 years and your son is 19. I'm picking up from your posts you and your son have a good relationship and you both work so your own lives are normal despite the neighbours.

To be honest given what you've described the fact your question was basically the etiquette of "do you think it's ok for me to ask for my phone back" rather than a full on rant about the neighbours from Hell makes you sound very likeable.

You've said they think of you as a friend and there's no aggression aimed at you. You come across as sensible and well grounded. I do hope the people who start threads about their appalling neighbours who park in their space read this thread.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

ScornedWoman · 15/11/2013 01:02

It's not fraud or error - they're legally entitled to it. My point is that years of being handed everything for free means they just don't know any other way. And that them being encouraged to claim disability benefits for themselves and the boy, is disabling/disempowering in itself.
No benefit bashing going on here!

OP posts:

ScornedWoman · 15/11/2013 01:25

Thanx, Caitlin. You're right, it was more about whether asking for my phone back was reasonable or not!

OP posts:

cantheyseeme · 15/11/2013 06:46

What are you going to do?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.