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AIBU?

to think dh should swap cars with me now ds is here?

103 replies

pumpkinsoda · 30/10/2013 12:21

We have one car each, mine a 3 door hatchback and quite low to the ground which I bought well before dcs were in the planning. He's got an estate which we bought after we discussed to ttc.
Whilst pg I mentioned we should swap cars when lo has arrived and he agreed.
Ds is now 7wks old born after emc so I'm still a bit tender and struggle to get him into the rear seat and strap his car seat in. He can't go into the front because the airbag can't be switched off. Furthermore we have a large GSD cross and physically I cannot get the baby in the car with the pram in the boot and the dog. He's too big to sit on the front seat and he can't sit next to baby whilst I drive as it's too dangerous if I have to suddenly brake and he might fall onto lo. I do have to take dog in car to go to the woods as walking would be too far.
Now I asked dh to swap cars with me as all he needs it for is going to work (20min drive) and he doesn't need the space whereas I do. He refused stating that he feels like he's sitting in a bathtub (wtf) whilst driving my car and I should just cope with it.
This morning he took his car to work knowing full well I have a GP appointmnent and I struggle getting the lo in my car because of the cs wound.
Aibu to think he's being selfish driving the big estate whilst I have to struggle with my little hatchback?

OP posts:

Report

Miniph · 30/10/2013 15:05

My ds is 8 months and I've just traded my little car (5 door panda) for a lovely big c-max - because baby + teenage dd + dog + all the bloody baby stuff was just impossible. I don't think I'd have lasted this long if I'd had to cope with a section scar and and a 3 door!

I'd swap the car (or the husband?) and if he totally refuses have a look at what trade in value you could get. A decent sized used car isn't terribly expensive - even if you just get something that will run for a couple of years and save up for something better in the meantime.

I also have to agree with the other posters, it sounds like his selfishness about the car is just the tip of a very big iceberg and maybe that's the problem you need to be thinking about.

NewtRipley · 30/10/2013 15:11

Good post ADish.

NewtRipley · 30/10/2013 15:12

OP I hope you've not discovered that your DH is an utter arsehole

NewtRipley · 30/10/2013 15:13

sorry, missed your last post.

Theodorous · 30/10/2013 16:20

specialsubject would you like to return and add a valuable comment now you know the op likes dogs?

VoiceofRaisin · 30/10/2013 16:35

Gosh, that sounds bad :-( I am so sorry for you. Now is probably not the right moment to be making major upheavals but once you are more settled with your lo you need to reread this thread and see what plans you can make. I never say LTB either but sometimes it is better to bite the bullet early on than for things to go from bad to worse. Your DH sounds very self centred and I doubt he will change.

Ok, to be more constructive, some narcissistic men nevertheless listen to their mothers. How do you get on with your MIL? Could you let her subtly know how you are struggling and see if she can encourage DH (shame DH into) to be more thoughtful. He just MIGHT not realise what you are coping with.

pumpkinsoda · 30/10/2013 16:44

Adish that is a great idea, little steps at the time. I will try this tonight, hopefully he will see sense.
Voice unfortunately his mum died a couple of yrs back and I never met his dad. But even if she'd still be alive they didn't really get on.

OP posts:

allmycats · 30/10/2013 16:53

When he comes home tonight, take his car keys, put the child seat in 'his' , now 'your' car and give him your car keys. Say, ' I will give this a try and see how I go on'
If he whines tell him to grow up !

georgie22 · 30/10/2013 17:01

Sorry to say it OP (and to echo what everyone else says) but he sounds terribly selfish. My dh is not a romantic type but he always puts me and the dc first. When I had dd I just had his bigger car on the days I needed it for shopping etc. - my own car was fine most of the time. He was with me all day in the hospital supporting me in my struggles to establish breastfeeding. When we had ds he still spent as much time as he could at the hospital with me despite looking after dd too. I would do the same if it was him in hospital.
Can't understand why he doesn't want to enjoy your baby more - these days pass so quickly. You need to have a serious talk with him.

HumphreyCobbler · 30/10/2013 17:08

on a completely different point isn't an unsecured dog in a car a bit of a death trap? if you have a crash it could easily bash into someone and cause harm?

I am not sure about this but I thought that was why people had dogs behind those grill things in an estate car. So even more reason why you should have the bigger car.

Best of luck OP, sorry you are having to go through this.

livingzuid · 30/10/2013 18:21

What the hell why should OP have to go through all the hassle and stress of selling your car which you don't need right now when trying to get well and look after the baby - from the sound of things he sure isn't going to put himself out to help you. I am left speechless at suggestions that a f**king inanimate object on four wheels should take preference over someone's family safety and comfort. That's materialistic beyond belief.

As for getting rid of the dog? I can't go there....

The solution on the surface is obvious. Swap the cars around. Worrying about driving a bathtub surely is insignificant when placing the wellbeing of spouse and baby in the equation. To do anything less is downright selfish and childish. OMG it's just a car....

OP I am really sorry for the struggle you are going through . Your story has me so mad! Do please consider trading in the husband for a newer improved model. And in the meantime if at all possible insist on the bigger car! I wish you the very best.

specialsubject · 30/10/2013 18:26

theodorous - sorry mate, the school bully tactics have long since ceased to have any effect on me. But it would be sinking to that level not to reply.

big dripfeed here and the OP clearly has many other problems, but putting an unrestrained dog in the front of the car puts the occupants of the car in danger. And anyone else in the vicinity should the dog cause a crash.

are dogs more important than people? Do discuss.

ferretyfeet · 30/10/2013 19:00

I really hope you don'g get rid of your dog,he's done nothing wrong. It's your stupid very selfish husband who is the problem

petalsandstars · 30/10/2013 19:04

OP are you my DSis?

My BIL says similar about interacting with DN when she's about 5 and can do things properly.

He is a twat and my sis would be better off a single parent (I don't say this lightly)

Your DH sounds similar, putting himself above you anddcs . I would seriously look at your relationship and how you want things to go in future as this is a bad start.

catsmother · 30/10/2013 19:09

He is a fucking selfish shit.

Yes, OP you have a lot to think very seriously about - I hope you can find the strength to make the decision that's best for you, your child and your dog in due course.

In the meantime, you must drive the larger car. He's endangering your health for heaven's sake. Unbelievable.

Inertia · 30/10/2013 19:16

To paraphrase SpecialSubject's first response- it sounds like the excess item is your husband.

ADishBestEatenCold · 30/10/2013 19:17

putting an unrestrained dog in the front of the car puts the occupants of the car in danger

I can't imagine many people could reasonably disagree with that statement, but don't really understand why it would in any way reflect upon the OP's situation. I certainly didn't get the impression that the OP ever intended to put her dog in the car unrestrained.

I got the impression that the dog normally traveled in the (hatchback) boot, but now that there was also a pram to carry in the boot, the car was not big enough to safely carry them all.

In fact, did she not specifically say that she wouldn't put the dog on the front seat because the dog was too big, nor would she put it on the back seat next to the baby, because that would be too dangerous.

Certainly she omitted to even mention what type of restraint harness she might use with the dog on either the front or back seats, but IMO such omission is completely understandable, given that she doesn't actually intend to put the dog on the seats in the first place!!!!!

So where did unrestrained dogs come from

Raddy · 30/10/2013 19:19

Wow, how incredibly selfish of him.

eggsandwich · 30/10/2013 19:50

I've had the same conversation with my dh, we've got two children admittedly they are not little, daughter of 11 and son of 13 who has special needs. Now my dh must be going through a midlife crisis as he brought a Peugeot 205 convertible, now seriously if my son gets any taller he'll have to have his legs dangling out the window as I'm driving, not to mention limited boot space, I've told him he's got to get a bigger car otherwise he can't use mine.

JugglingChaotically · 30/10/2013 20:32

YANBU. We swapped when DD1 arrived.

hippo123 · 30/10/2013 20:51

Yanbu, but you know this. Sounds like your dh needs to reevaluate his priorities. There's good advice to be had in the relationship section.

GatoradeMeBitch · 30/10/2013 23:48

I know we are accused of being too quick to say LTB on this forum, but the warning signs are obviously there.

I hope things get better OP. I would suggest that you choose your battles while you are still healing, a little lie like 'I hurt my scar when I bent over, I can't do that again for a while, I will need the bigger car for now' might be easier on you than a stand up row!

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ThePitOfStupid · 31/10/2013 00:11

I am sorry he is such an arse.

"DH, why is your 'feeling' about the car more important than my very real physical needs and risk of hurting myself in the smaller car? Why do you think you are more important than me?"

SkinnedAlive · 31/10/2013 04:43

It sounds awful for you OP. I would give him 2 options - either you swap cars or you get a new one. If he will not swap cars I would take my car to the local dealer the next day and trade it in for a bigger model, using a CC if necessary to make up the difference. It doesn't have to be smart, just reliable and big enough for you to take the whole family (which included the dog) in comfort and safety. You can't keep risking your health for him, and you don't need to spend a fortune to get something bigger. If he won't make decisions you have to make them for him and put your needs first.

JessieMcJessie · 31/10/2013 05:47

Oh dear God. You must not allow yourself to be duped into thinking that his behaviour is in any way excusable. Stand up for yourself now and start planning your exit strategy, life is too precious and short to be spent with a cunt like that. You can find someone better.

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