to not want to be called 'Mummy'

[StillNoFuckingEyeDeer]

by MIL?
I've asked her not to. I've politely reminded her that I have a name.

"Baby is very smiley, isn't she, Mummy?"

We have names! We are not Mummy, Daddy and Baby!

[SatinSandals]

They analyse everything natwebb, you are not safe with a comment about the weather!
I tend to do it if taking to the child. Last week I said to a child 'if daddy lifts you up you can .........'. I wasn't speaking to the father, I didn't know his name and 'your father' isn't the vocabulary I would use with a 2 yr old that I had never seen before. His father did lift him up and he had a great time and hopefully he didn't go home and analyse my words. ( I shall continue doing it even if analysed because I am comfortable with it and parents need to learn that they can't control everyone their child comes into contact with!)

[natwebb79]

My parents and in-laws do the same with my husband (refer to 'daddy') so I really can't get worked up about 'gender stereotyping' and 'dehumanising' here. I really had no idea that anybody analysed such things so deeply until I joined this site. I learn something new every day.

[slothlike]

I much prefer my PILs to refer to me as 'mummy' when talking to my 3yo DS. They used to only ever refer to me by name to him, and then DS started calling me by my name too, which I hated. It actually really annoyed me, because MIL once told me about how my DH used to never call her 'mum' or 'mummy' and only used her actual name, and how it made her sad (my DH still has real trouble calling her 'mum' because it feels weird to him as he never did it as a child, and he often gets around the problem by just not referring to her as anything at all...) but then it would seem like she was trying to deliberately manufacture the same problem for me, because she'd call my DH 'daddy' in front of DS, but only use my name. Even in the same sentence. E.g., "Where are daddy and [my name]?" FIL would do the same, and seemed to think DH and I were being a bit weird when, after DS began to follow suit, DH saw that I was upset and asked him to refer to me as "your mummy" in front of DS in future.

BUT, it does get annoying when people aren't actually talking to my child and refer to me as 'mum', so I can see where you're coming from. Old health visitor used to do this, and I suspected at the time that it was because she had no idea what my name was. On the other hand, I sometimes accidentally call my DH 'daddy' when DS isn't even around, just because it has become ingrained. Was a bit weird at first... but maybe this is partly what's going on with your MIL?

[ICameOnTheJitney]

Nenny I know! My friend got her son assessed by a developmental paed and the notes say things like "Mum is excellent with X and knows just how to help him on in his language..." Wtf? Why not call her "Mrs X" or "Miss X" or even Joan!>???

[nennypops]

I think it's worse when strangers do this, e.g. social workers and teachers. I've seen letters from council social workers when they refer to something that "mum" has done and I always want to get hold of them and ask what their mother has to do with anything.

[ICameOnTheJitney]

Notadoctor I think it's part of the fact that society just LOVES placing women in their role for life....once you're a Mother that's IT! You're frigging defined as "a working Mother" " a stay at home mother" "A Mummy Blogger" or whatever and it winds me up.

I am me. I am also a Mother....to my children...they call me Mummy...I am not that to anyone else...and my other roles in life as ME are just that.

[pictish]

Nope...can't get worked up over that.

[fanjofarrow]

my MIL calls my kids 'it'. confused As in 'how's it getting on at school?'. Thing is, she is the most devoted, loving granny, she is not some toxic dragon, but for some reason in her world children are 'it'. It gives me the rage.

Sorry, but this made me giggle. ''It'' was a term of affection in our house when I was a kid!

[notadoctor]

If someone called me Mummy when my DD wasn't there I suppose I may find that a bit more jarring...

[notadoctor]

I appreciate different people find different things irritating/ upsetting but I don't really see how it's dehumanising - isn't it about acknowledging your role in a given situation? In that way - to me - it doesn't seem al that different to calling someone Doctor or Nurse or a teacher Miss/ Sir or a pilot Captain. My DD is now old enough to understand Mummy's name's 'notadoctor' but I think when she was younger it helped her to always hear me referred to as Mummy (and Dad as Dad, Nan as Nan etc).

[MamaBear17]

My dd is two, she always tells my mum off when she calls her 'baby'. It is very funny! DD put her on the step once, until she said her name properly!

[ICameOnTheJitney]

It might be silly to SOME people but to others it is dehumanizing. I am not just anyone's "Mummy" that title is for my children....other adults calling me that is not only ridiculous but faintly creepy and removes my NAME and my IDENTITY.

[notadoctor]

It seems a silly thing to get worked up about - especially if the relationship's good. It's a way for her to acknowledge your role in the family.

[natwebb79]

Do people actually get bothered by this?!

[selsigfach]

I think it's ok when talking to a child about their parent, eg "That's a lovely picture, show it to mummy", but asking if "mummy" would like a cup of tea, regardless if whether or not a small child is in the vicinity would make me heave.

[ICameOnTheJitney]

My MIL did this YANBU!!!!!!!!!! It drove me mad so I told her and she took umbrage. Still. I don't care.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasExhausted]

Mine does this and it is a bit annoying. She once asked if mummy wanted a cuof tea and dd wasn't even in the room.

I let it slide as she is a lovely woman and is only doing to make things easier for dd.

[ceramicunicorn]

My pil's call each other mummy and daddy. My dh and sil are in their thirties. It makes me feel a bit sick.

[maddening]

Just reply in kind - "that's right grandma - now does grandma want to put the kettle on" etc she'll soon tire.

[SatinSandals]

One of the reasons children learn to say daddy first is that they hardly ever hear mummy.
Save getting annoyed for the things that matter.
I call my MIL Mary but with the DCs it would be natural to say ' Shall we go for a walk? What do you think Grandma?' How will a child learn she is Grandma if she is always Mary?
Have you really thought it through OP?

[MrsWembley]

You do know this is how they learn language, don't you?

Especially with the running commentary; yes, it's dull as ditchwater to listen to and even more so to actually do, but seriously, this is how they learn!!!

Really, if this is all you have to complain about with your MiL, you're very lucky...

[Mummyoftheyear]

Irritating, nauseating... but old fashioned and harmless.

[harticus]

Yeah don't get the fuss either. My Nan called me "Baby" till the day she died - I was 39 then.

[Mojavewonderer]

I really don't see what all the fuss is about. It's never bothered me. I know I am a mum and I don't care who refers to me as mum.