To think I wasn't rude?

[Sister77]

I was out with some friends last night and the air con was in full blast, I was freezing so I put my jacket on. 2 of my friends who were a bit tipsy started laughing and said yeah we were wondering when you'd complain of cold (hadn't said anything just put my cost on). 1 said its cus you're a skinny Beatch. So I replied in the same "laughing" manner that neither of you will ever have that problem (and may have uttered fat cows).
Well it all went very quiet and one said well that was really rude! So I said why is it ok for you to comment on my weight but not the other way round?
I have health problems which mean I find it difficult to put weight on these people don't know that and to be honest they've got gorgeous figures and are pretty with the best skin ever to boot.
It's just I'm sick of people taking the piss. I may be thin but sometimes I look gaunt and ugly (actually I usually look like this).
It was then sort of swept over and they seemed ok when we left but wibu to be so rude?
They've all been told how I hate being so thin but they still carry on!

[Alisvolatpropiis]

MrsD is so right.

[itsn0tmeitsyou]

Kelly Brook is one woman who is regarded as curvy, and probably amongst fashion people as too curvy, amongst the thousands of models who have to be a size 0 or whatever the right terminology is. What the media shows us on a daily basis is the slimmer the better.

[magentastardust]

Well, maybe what I should have said is that Skinny can be said as a compliment ...by people who haven't realised how offensive that is to those with a slender figure.

Whoever said that it is maybe thought of as a compliment by overweight people has maybe hit the nail on the head.
If I ever have called someone skinny it is probably someone who has been overweight and lost a lot of weight and have said it as a compliment to them.

[Coffeenowplease]

I would have said the same. Why the fuck is it acceptable to comment on my weight because Im thin ? No thanks.

I get cold a lot too - you have no idea how often I have been told similar OP.

[edam]

You'd have to know someone very well to call them a skinny bitch and be confident that they'd accept it was an affectionate comment.

I'm a porker and, going by this thread, may well have inadvertently offended some much more slender people by calling them skinny - but always, I hope, in an obviously self-deprecating 'gosh, I recognise that you are much slimmer than me, and vaguely wish I wasn't overweight' way.

[Coffeenowplease]

Dont get me wrong I like my figure. I get that to many it is desirable. I just resent being told there must be something wrong with me or I must have an eating disorder and generally being made to feel bad that I look the way I do. Its quite sad actually.

[marriedinwhiteisback]

If they can't take it they shoudln't give it.

[ExcuseTypos]

Yes you were rude, but they bloody deserved it IMO.

I've been called a skinny bitch in that 'oh how funny' kind of way, when discussing the fact I get cold a lot, or that I can only have one glass of wine and feel drunk, or when I'm wearing shorts in the beach.... I could go on and on.

It gets very tiresome. I've never snapped back like you did OP, but I probably will one day!

[ghostonthecanvas]

I have had comments my entire life. Now, sadly, I see my niece going through the same. Apparently she is my double wish I had known how pretty I was! I feel for her. It seems more acceptable to make rude comments disguised as humour to skinny people. (Yes, I do eat. No, I don't have an eating disorder. No, I don't feel guilty because you are overweight. No, I don't exercise. Really I don't.) Can you all imagine if I asked these questions to people who are overweight? My self esteem has suffered because of it. I wear baggy jumpers and oversized clothes. I don't comment when overweght people eat a cake. Yet I have lost track of the number of times people comment to me. "Oh I didn't think you ate cake" Why the fuck not?? Entire groups of women discussing what I eat. I can't join in because they tell me that I cannot be telling the truth. I can understand why you were rude. Rant over.

[MrsMook]

There is definitely a double standard in the way that slim or underweight people and overweight people can be described. Looking at threads like the vanity clothes sizing, it is rife.

I had to put up with comments like "ironing board" at school with reference to not needing to wear a bra. I had a housemate at uni who watched me tuck into a mound of homemade spagghetti bolognaise and saying "how come you eat so much and don't get fat?" I was too polite to reply "because I don't eat crap like you" and because my idea of exercise wasn't going to the gym to pose and oggle the men with weights. That's just from being a healthy size, and not looking underweight. (Ironicly the housemate wasn't fat, but was just convinced that she was)


Skinny conjures up an unhealthy image of protuding bones. I wouldn't find it complimentary.

[Thumbwitch]

Nothing to add to the debate really except that I was also a skinny teen and had lots of adverse commentary, especially from my Mum who was convinced I was anorexic (I wasn't at all). Mum had weight problems but I wasn't allowed to "bite back" because "you shouldn't comment on people's weight". Well no, so how come you did then, Mum?

I don't think you were any ruder than they were, tbh. Among friends, bantering, "skinny beatch" and "fat cow" aren't really that different, IMO. I wouldn't use either EXCEPT about myself (being now 3st heavier than I was when I was skinny) and I have friends who often do the same about themselves.

Hopefully one good thing will come from this - they might now realise that they're being hurtful to continually bang on about your thinness, and STOP!

[Howsuper]

Come on now, pepes. There is a lot of posters being disingenuous and falling over themselves to be PC.

We all know skinny is held up as the more aspirational of figures between thin and fat in our society, rightly or wrongly.

The friends are 99% likely to have been completely unaware that this would be seen as offensive. I would say things like to my slender friends.

And we all know that in western society calling a woman fat is 100% offensive.

So I think you were ruder by far.

(I do totally take the point that some 'skinny' (awful word when you start to think about it) women do feel offended at remarks like and this thread would make me think in the future.)

[Howsuper]

There are a lot of posters.

[GrandstandingBlueTit]

Didn't you know?

Calling someone 'fat' is the ultimate insult. There is basically nothing worse you can accuse a person of. Being called 'fat' is even worse then being called a cunt. Even (especially) when the person is fat.

Look at the vanity sizing thread for proof of this.

Call someone fat, and you commit social suicide.

[Sister77]

Howsuper if you read my posts you'll see they are totally aware and have been for ages that I don't like my weight commented on, they are unaware of my health problems.

[itsn0tmeitsyou]

Ultimately I would have thought it was a pretty good tool for weeding out potential 'friends' if they are going to make disparaging remarks about your weight.

The reality is that there is nothing wrong with being naturally thin. It is not unhealthy, no one (sane) thinks ill of you in any way, no one judges you or decides they'll avoid you because of your weight, no one makes assumptions that if there's a funny smell in a room full of people, it's the thin one, blah blah.

Maybe as teenagers you struggled with self-image because you had some unpleasant girls in your social circle, but as adults surely by now you can recognise that those people were just nasty, so their comments were meaningless, and not how society perceives you.

If you really want to change, it is really simple. You just have to eat more. And that can be one of life's greatest pleasures . A friend of mine who had always hated having no hips and boobs got some curves after having a baby, and eating more during and after, and for a bit she liked it, then she decided she felt 'fat', she was probably about a size 12, and barely trying, reverted back to her post-baby size, and has now accepted her size and appreciates she can eat what she likes. She hardly exercises.

I, on the other hand, generally eat less than her, go to a very vigorous Zumba workout 2, sometimes 3, times a week, have an active life, and still am a size 18. I just accept it. It's how it is. Now can everyone please stop worrying about their bloody weight and think about important stuff.

[differentnameforthis]

You were rude.
So were they.

I don't know why you consider these people friends if you all talk to each other like that!

[Howsuper]

Sister77, yes point taken. It all sounds like a bit of a baffling bitchfest tbh.

[pianodoodle]

Tbh no matter what you weigh calling someone a fat cow is rude

So is calling someone a skinny bitch.

If they didn't like the response they shouldn't have been rude to begin with.

I hate the double standards with this issue. So many people seem to think in order to be proud of their larger size they need to attack smaller sized women. Why is that OK?

I've seen "eat more pies" and "scrawny size ten bum" on a recent thread however if someone was told to eat fewer pies they'd be outraged and hurt.

If you make comments that are derogatory about someone's size it's rude. It isn't only rude if they're overweight!

[Sister77]

It'snotmeitsyou, if you read my posts you will see that it's not a case of eating more to put weight on. I have health problems which mean I find it difficult to put weight on.they are not aware of these because I don't wish to tell everyone, however I may have to so they understand my sensitivity re weight issues.
Howsuper there is nothing to suggest that it turned into a "baffling bitchfest" that evening, they made a comment so did I.

[WoTmania]

YANBU - in the OP you said you didn't actually call them fat cows just that youmight as well have from their reaction
So, they've deliberately put on the air con waiting for you to react in some so they can tease you about being thin. Nice

[GrandstandingBlueTit]

Out of interest ... and, humour me ... but why is it rude to call somone who's fat, 'fat'?

Why is the world's worst insult?

I mean, I know it is, and I'd never, ever do it. But why is it so awful to call someone 'fat'?

[pianodoodle]

they made a comment so did I

Exactly. If you were expected to take "skinny bitch" with good humour then "fat cow" should have given them a good chuckle.

If not then they shouldn't have made their comment in the first place!

[itsn0tmeitsyou]

I have read your posts OP and I had moved off point into a general discussion about being fat or thin. If you have medical problems of course that's awful, and in any event, I haven't tried to excuse them calling you anything. I said I think it's rude for anyone to call anyone anything relating to their weight, even more so if you have medical issues.

Actually though, I don't think this needs to be about being fat or thin, as other posters have said, it's basically just good manners. Theirs were dreadful, and you need to not stoop to their level in future, although I can understand your defensive anger. If they're good friends, I would give them the opportunity to understand if from your point of view, and if they still don't get it, I don't think people who get pleasure from insulting others are worth being friends with, personally.

GL OP.

[rosieposey78]

You were all being rude.