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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I wasn't rude?

137 replies

Sister77 · 11/10/2013 17:04

I was out with some friends last night and the air con was in full blast, I was freezing so I put my jacket on. 2 of my friends who were a bit tipsy started laughing and said yeah we were wondering when you'd complain of cold (hadn't said anything just put my cost on). 1 said its cus you're a skinny Beatch. So I replied in the same "laughing" manner that neither of you will ever have that problem (and may have uttered fat cows).
Well it all went very quiet and one said well that was really rude! So I said why is it ok for you to comment on my weight but not the other way round?
I have health problems which mean I find it difficult to put weight on these people don't know that and to be honest they've got gorgeous figures and are pretty with the best skin ever to boot.
It's just I'm sick of people taking the piss. I may be thin but sometimes I look gaunt and ugly (actually I usually look like this).
It was then sort of swept over and they seemed ok when we left but wibu to be so rude?
They've all been told how I hate being so thin but they still carry on!

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 11/10/2013 18:01

There was rudeness all round really, however because you used the f word, it will be generally be deemed you were ruder Hmm

ConsideringTheFuture · 11/10/2013 18:01

I would disagree. What language is used is important in determining the intent behind the comment.

nicename · 11/10/2013 18:02

My sister almost died when she was about 15 and as a result of her illness had a hell of a time getting above a size 6 dress size.

She didn't find jokes about her weight all that funny but didn't particularly want to have to go into her medical history with people about how she was in hospital for weeks, was told that she would have died within days if they hadn't diagnosed her problem or have heart problems...

If I saw someone very very slim I'd assume that they were: naturally slim, very sick or anorexic - why would I want to make a joke of it?

runningonwillpower · 11/10/2013 18:03

You were all rude.

But in the context of today's unfortunate attitudes, 'skinny beatch' is probably seen as a compliment. 'Fat cow' will never be seen as such.

But now they know you are sensitive about your weight so a lesson learned all round.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 11/10/2013 18:08

Hard reality is that telling someone they look thin can be a complement. Its never a complement to tell someone they look fat. Thin is seen as the ideal state, so people who've never had issues with feeling too thin don't see it as an insult.

You were both rude. Yes they were rude first, but you could have explained why it was rude, rather than being even ruder back.

Alisvolatpropiis · 11/10/2013 18:09

Well they'll think twice before commenting on your appearance "jokey" or not.

Fairly sobering for them I imagine.

SJisontheway · 11/10/2013 18:41

I know that when my freinds in the past have called me a skinny beatch that it was meant as a compliment. I guess you don't see it this way as you are not happy with your size, but they would not have known that.
I don't think fat cow could ever been interpreted as a compliment.

everlong · 11/10/2013 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilacroses · 11/10/2013 19:06

For some reason I think they are right but I do see your point. I suppose the thing is that calling someone skinny is usually a complement but calling someone fat never is. It's still rude of them though.....but rude of you ifyswim!

PaperSeagull · 11/10/2013 19:21

Of course you were rude. So were they. I can't believe some people are trying to excuse your rudeness by saying, "They started it." Surely even a 6-year-old child knows that's an erroneous way to justify one's own bad behavior.

BMW6 · 11/10/2013 19:48

They didn't refer to you as slim, which I would take as a compliment.
Calling you skinny WAS having a dig IMHO, so you were totally justified in retorting back.
I worked with someone who was ultra slim, and was just as self-conscious about it as anyone obese (ie me).

Size-ism must be a two way street.

BrianTheMole · 11/10/2013 19:57

Not sure. Skinny beatch is rude, but seems more like a compliment. Fat cow just seems rude. I've been the skinny beatch and the fat cow. As the skinny beatch I would have taken it more as a compliment. If someone had called me a fat cow when I was a lot bigger, I would have cried.

SeaSickSal · 11/10/2013 20:06

You were really rude.

You know as well as I do that being thin is socially acceptable, seen as very positive and that it wasn't meant in a nasty way and was probably a clumsy tipsy badly executed compliment.

Saying they'd never be thin and calling them fat cows could never, ever be seen as being even the most backhanded compliment. It borders on the abusive.

If I saw you speak to anybody like that you would no longer be a friend of mine.

Milkjug · 11/10/2013 20:20

First, let me say, I would never comment on anyone's appearance. Nor do I expect anyone to comment on mine.

However, the fact remains that however negative individuals feel about their own thinness, or however much it is a product of a debilitating illness like anorexia, western society currently regards thinness as the ultimate prize. It stands for attractiveness, self-discipline, success. So a comment on someone's thinness can't ever have the same negative heft as a comment on someone's heaviness, which is currently a badge of failure, undesirability, laziness etc etc.

SunshineMMum · 11/10/2013 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooOldForGlitter · 11/10/2013 20:27

I think runningonwillpower has it tbh. To be called a ''skinny beatch'' is, imo wrongly, considered a compliment. 'Oh i wish i had your figure you skinny beatch'. Nobody would say the same and say fat cow. Thin is considered accepted and desired and fat is ugly and embarassing.

You were all rude but they 'started it'.

maddening · 11/10/2013 20:35

they said what they did in jest - thoughtless yes but likely they don't see negative connotations around the word "skinny" - it is the preferred state of being in today's society - something to be desired etc.

you said what you did out of spite - and fat is something to be hated, ridiculed, it is ugly and people are openly aggressive and nasty to fat people.

they were thoughtless - you were rude and bitchy.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 11/10/2013 20:38

The salient point here though - to me anyway - is this....

They've all been told how I hate being so thin but they still carry on!

It is plain nasty to make a point of saying something like that to you, when they have been told how you hate it. I don't blame you one bit for retaliating in kind.

Original poster
Sister77 · 11/10/2013 20:42

Agree I was rude. Like u said I've had the text of one of them and I will apologise and probably explain re my health problem just to clear the air. Also can I say again like I explained earlier their figures are gorgeous and they are the most attractive girls in the group. Ah well I'm of to eat cake thank you all for making me see it a different way I do get blinkered and self righteous to my own point of view often.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sister77 · 11/10/2013 20:43

Like I said (sorry)

OP posts:
TooOldForGlitter · 11/10/2013 20:53

You were rude back not first. Please dont feel obliged to apologise unless they apologise to you.

Earthworms · 11/10/2013 21:11

Thing is, once you have been teased as a kid for being skinny - and I had bloody years of it despite eating like a horse - it is nigh on impossible to take good natured skinny beatch teasing as light hearted backhanded compliments.

It just digs in the wrong places nd revisits crap memories.

So I totally get the op biting back with Fat Cow. I think I'd have done the same. unfortunately as I get past 40 I seem to have lost my ability to eat everything in sight and remain a stone underweight. Hey-ho that's how it goes I gues.

CrapBag · 11/10/2013 21:21

I get where you are coming from OP. I am also called a skinny bitch by my friends (one of which is obese).

I don't know why people think it is acceptable to comment on people being 'skinny' (HATE that term) but not acceptable to comment on being fat.

I have always been thin. Teased at school for it, people thought I was anorexic. Having kids stopped that for a while but now my body has gone back to being thin again and I can't gain anything, despite me eating loads of crap.

I am thin but have curves as well, I thought I was finally happy with my figure, and had left the negativity of school behind, until a recent conversation with a friend (the obese one).

Me and 2 friends talking, obese friend talking about how she wants to lose weight and saying that she wants a figure like our friend. I said what's wrong with mine, in a jokey way, and she just said "oh no, your too skinny". Conversation carries on and my friend who has the figure that obese friend wants wears the same size clothes as me. Not sure what the difference is. Confused

Now I am back to being paranoid about being too thin (I am a size 10 with a waist, 34D boobs and a bum that does stick out slightly although I do wish a bit more) whereas before I was quite happy with my figure.

CrapBag · 11/10/2013 21:22

"Thing is, once you have been teased as a kid for being skinny - and I had bloody years of it despite eating like a horse - it is nigh on impossible to take good natured skinny beatch teasing as light hearted backhanded compliments.

It just digs in the wrong places nd revisits crap memories."

^THIS^

FrauRumpelpumpel · 11/10/2013 21:25

Totally agree with milkjug

You have to think about the intent - no one is intending to be hurtful calling someone skinny, imo, they're just jealous that they themselves are not skinny. Calling someone fat is always intended to be hurtful.

I have never understood skinny people's problem with being skinny. It's what most people want, and as adults you obviously realise that, and NO ONE ever looks at you and judges you as totally unrelated things like 'idle', 'undisciplined', etc etc.