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AIBU?

Just need a few other opinions on teachers' comment to boy...

331 replies

LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/10/2013 17:45

DS2 has long hair. About 3 inches below his collar, shorter towards front - can tuck behind his ears.
For PE it was requested he had a sweatband. I bought 2 he lost them, I forgot about it over summer.
PE has resumed and the PE teacher got mad, telling him 'If you don't have a sweatband next lesson I will cut your hair off!'
Now the boy is 7 and truly believes his mad PE teacher might chop his hair off.
It is my fault he doesn't have a sweatband. Why didn't he shout at me? I see him around school enough.
I am annoyed. DH is seething.
AIBU to want to complain? How do I address this?
Apart from get the sweatbands this weekend obviously.

OP posts:

Report

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 18:52

Oops. Bloody iPhone. Explain his comment and apologise. Simple as.

misskatamari · 04/10/2013 18:53

Oh my god it was obviously a joke. I agree with other posters saying its a good time to talk to your son about not always talking comments literally!

usualsuspect · 04/10/2013 18:54

Just make sure he has his sweatband in future.I wouldn't make a fuss about the teachers comment, unless he continues to say stupid things about your sons hair.

Oh and ignore all the judgements about his hair on here, I don't recall you asking for opinions on the length of his hair.

HavantGuard · 04/10/2013 18:54

Is it possible it was exasperation? How many PE lessons has your DS had so far this term? I'll bet he's been told every time that he must have a sweatband.

impecuniousmarmoset · 04/10/2013 18:55

A real issue, molly? Like concern for my transgender friend who has been pushed close to suicide by society's attitude to people who dare to transgress gender boundaries. If people react like this to the entirely insignificant matter of the length of a small boys hair, what chance does she stand? Yeah, I hold my hands up, my life is empty of real causes of concern.

I bet you reckon people complaining about shops selling nurse and beautician costumes to girls and doctor and astronaut costumes to girls are in need of greater concerns too.

That aside, I always appreciate the irony of people sitting faffing on mumsnet telling other people faffing on mumsnet that they should have more important concerns in their life!

FamiliesShareGerms · 04/10/2013 18:55

OP, you say you're very laid back and wouldn't complain if the teacher had tugged DS's hair putting it into a pony tail, but yet you're concerned that he threatened to cut his hair off in an angry voice

impecuniousmarmoset · 04/10/2013 18:58

Gah, doctor and astronaut costumes to boys

SayMyNameSayIt · 04/10/2013 19:01

FamiliesShareGerms
Exactly what I was thinking. Rather contradictory.

Bowlersarm · 04/10/2013 19:01

Oh and ignore all the judgements about his hair on here, I don't recall you asking for opinions on the length of his hair

Usual, you are a veteran on Mumsnet. You know there will be a stampede of many thoughts, opinions and comments on something that is central to the thread, but which the OP specifically does not invite comments about.

Especially on a Friday evening

floatyflo · 04/10/2013 19:03

Of those telling op to cut her sons hair, or offering up un-asked-for opinions on how they dislike long hair:- I wonder how many of you are on the numerous kinder egg threads exclaiming disgust at the gender stereotypes.

Hypocrites!

thebody · 04/10/2013 19:03

he is 7 and he actually belived the teachers comments.

have a chat about it as that's a bit sensitive for his age, I expect he was embarrassed.

it's really your/ his job to fix his hair and use a swear band or elastic band not the teachers. you should probably put his hair in a pony tail for P.E days.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/10/2013 19:03

If they pulled his hair tying it back because I'VE forgotten his sweatband, that's my fault. They are doing me a favour by just doing what I should have done.
I just didn't think it was right to threaten to cut it off.
I'm sorry.

OP posts:

SayMyNameSayIt · 04/10/2013 19:05

DS1 had a little pushchair for his teddy that a friend bought him when he was about 2. She bought it because he loved taking teddy for a walk in his own pushchair.

It was pink. DH was aghast. I was perfectly happy for him to play with it and if he wanted to take it out with the garden, well, that was fine, too.

But I still think boys look stupid with long hair.

And I can just imagine how exasperated the PE teacher was.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/10/2013 19:06

That's all I was trying to find out. If others also felt it was wrong. I know I should have provided the stuff. I know Howe to rectify it. I don't care if people think his hair is too long. I wanted to know if others felt the comment was wrong. That's all.

OP posts:

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/10/2013 19:06

The boy can't control his sensitivity, he's 7. The man can. I really think that

HavantGuard · 04/10/2013 19:07

Boy or girl, hair not tied back properly when they're running around means they can't see what they're doing peoperly or who is around them.

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 19:08

Miskatamari. Yes it was obviously a joke ( to you who weren't there) but to a 7 year old boy that likes his long hair it obviously seemed very real. Yes explain about literal comments but the teacher shouldn't have joked about it.

Havantgaurd. If the teacher can't deal with children of that age without making stupid threats he shouldn't be teaching.

Impecunious. I am with you. I am not transgender but get comments about my long coloured hair. I am big enough and ugly enough to tell them to get a life, but for a young child it is frightening and gender stereotyping.

Familiessharegerms. It's obvious. Of the teacher pulls the lads hair whilst tying it back it is being done whilst putting the situation right. To shout and threaten a small
Child when you are in a position of authority is not acceptable at all

CeliaFate · 04/10/2013 19:08

And welcome to AIBU on a Friday night. It's up to you and your ds how long his hair is.

Anyone else can shove it.

The teacher should not have said that, but he/she may have said it in a joking fashion which hasn't been relayed to you.

Thymeout · 04/10/2013 19:08

ofgs - of course it was a joke. Do you seriously think any teacher would take a pair of scissors to a child's hair? In this day and age?

Not a joke because it was said 'angrily' - according to the 7 yr old. Well, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he was a bit exasperated. This is obviously a long running problem.

And it was your fault, not the child's, so he should have spoken to you?
You were not there. How much time do you want the teacher to waste getting in touch with you to remind you, yet again, to provide a sweatband? If ds is old enough to choose his hairstyle, he's old enough to deal with the consequences of his choice. Remember the sweatband, nag you for a new one.

Bet he remembers now.

SayMyNameSayIt · 04/10/2013 19:11

If it was said today, after a long week of similar forgetfulness and subsequent time-wasting, the teacher probably meant it as a joke but perhaps had an exasperated tone.
They're human, too.
This type of low-level disruption is very very wearing. And impacts on the rest of the class. Impacts on the teacher too who is probably fed up of reminding pupils about PE kit and tying their hair up, etc.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/10/2013 19:12

I've been thinking about this. I was one of those saying she doesn't like long hair on boys. Which is unfair and sexist. I'm not sure I really like it on girls either - if it's messy, straggly, potentially nitty, they can't really look after it themselves etc.

I think I need to think about why I like it less on boys - maybe it's because I sometimes assume it's an expression of the parents beliefs not the child's (which isn't true, either)

All in all I think IABU. Sorry for any offence caused

HavantGuard · 04/10/2013 19:12

It's not a threat.

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JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/10/2013 19:14

Havnt

Of course it's not intended as a threat. But it might be perceived that way by a small child

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 19:17

Haven't guard. The child has taken it as such. There is NO need whatsoever for a professional to make threats in the workplace.

If it happened to you at work you would be up in arms about it, but it's ok to you because it is a so called professional teacher talking to a child.

Do you use threats, no matter how idle, to children.

HavantGuard · 04/10/2013 19:17

It sounds like he didn't like it that his teacher was 'angry'. If he truly believes that a teacher would cut his hair I think he needs it explaining to him.

I'm still wondering how many PE lessons he's had this term.

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