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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just need a few other opinions on teachers' comment to boy...

331 replies

LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/10/2013 17:45

DS2 has long hair. About 3 inches below his collar, shorter towards front - can tuck behind his ears.
For PE it was requested he had a sweatband. I bought 2 he lost them, I forgot about it over summer.
PE has resumed and the PE teacher got mad, telling him 'If you don't have a sweatband next lesson I will cut your hair off!'
Now the boy is 7 and truly believes his mad PE teacher might chop his hair off.
It is my fault he doesn't have a sweatband. Why didn't he shout at me? I see him around school enough.
I am annoyed. DH is seething.
AIBU to want to complain? How do I address this?
Apart from get the sweatbands this weekend obviously.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/10/2013 18:35

Flipping heck! I'm quite laid back - hence allowing the boy to have long hair. I'm not going to start going on about them hurting him if they did tie it back.
I think his choice of words was wrong.
I couldn't give a sod if he doesn't like long hair on boys and was making his views known.

OP posts:
Jinty64 · 04/10/2013 18:35

Could he tie it up for school on PE days. He could let it down once it was finished.

I like long hair.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 04/10/2013 18:39

armed with the hair stuff and see what he says

I suggest you look at your schools Uniform Policy before you go up, or you might end up making an idiot of yourself.
You need to sign and adhere to the Uniform Policy at our schools (Primary/Junior/ Secondary. Mine are Secondary now)

Just get his hair tidy and suck it up.

Floggingmolly · 04/10/2013 18:40

So he'll have to learn to manage it, Ilovemyself

scarlettsmummy2 · 04/10/2013 18:41

You should cut his hair. I really don't think seven year old boys should be going to school with hair below the collar.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/10/2013 18:41

If, as you say, OP, you have "bigger fish to fry" than provide your DS with a hairband to keep his unusually long hair in check (which, let's face it, is hardly an arduous task), maybe that's the problem rather than the PE teacher venting his frustration.

SayMyNameSayIt · 04/10/2013 18:42

PeriodFeatures
I've lost count of the number of boys I've seen who DO look like girls because their hair is so long. Makes them look very effeminate. If that's how people want their DS's to look, it's up to them.

Lots of times, I've been out with my boys, age 5 and 6, and they've asked me (embarrassingly loudly), "Mummy, is that a boy or a girl???"

And I have never put that thought in their heads or made any comment out loud about my dislike of boys with long hair.

When boys are still very young eg 7, they can still have quite rounded features and it can be difficult to tell at times.
When I see a boy with long hair, to me it's like the parents are trying to make a statement about how middle-class and non-conformist they are.

And I've seen plenty of girls with very short hair who look like boys. Women, too. Though I think that's on purpose.
When I was a young girl, I deliberately kept my hair short as I enjoyed being mistaken for a boy!! Didn't possess a skirt, apart from a school one, till I was 11. Then I grew my hair long as I no longer wanted to look like a boy.

That doesn't mean I think all girls should have long hair! Just a hairstyle that suits them. Ditto boys. IMHO, as I said, it's just my opinion, long hair on boys looks girly.

impecuniousmarmoset · 04/10/2013 18:42

Amazed at the sexism on display here. I had no idea there were so many people opposed to long hair on boys. I really thought this would be a non-issue in this day and age. Profoundly depressing. Sadly it seems the pe teacher is equally backward in his thinking, which is why what he said is unacceptable. If it was a joke, it wasn't funny.

Original poster
LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/10/2013 18:42

Classic mumsnet.
Maybe my initial post wasn't very clear on what I was upset about.
Peoples opinions on hair or any other aspect of my children worries me not.
I did not think it was right for a man to threaten to cut a 7 year old boys hair off - angrily. Not jokingly, angrily according to my son and until I know differently as I trust him, I will assume angrily.
Thanks for useful answers in both directions. :)

OP posts:
HenriettaPye · 04/10/2013 18:44

I'm sure it was meant as a joke, I told my DS today if his nose didn't stop running I would chop it off. TBF I would expect most 7 year olds to take it as a joke.

I also think you are expecting a bit much, expecting the PE teacher to personally come to you himself. I'm sure he sees countless students every day- the mans only human, he can't think 'oh I must remember to tell x's mum about this' ,'I need to remind y's dad about that' Its much easier for him to tell the child and for the child to pass it on. I'm sure there was no offence meant.

Original poster
LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/10/2013 18:44

Oh gees. Not as in I can't manage to provide the hairband, rather than it's such a tiny worry on my mind that I forget.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 04/10/2013 18:44

Profoundly depressing Hmm. Hardly, impecunious. You sound in need of a real issue to focus your mind on.

floatyflo · 04/10/2013 18:44

I say bugger off to all those posting about whether they like boys with long hair or not. That wasn't what op asked was it?

I know a little boy with long hair down to his bum! He wants it that way, and doesn't want it cut. I highly admire Mum and Dad who allow him to make that choice, and not chop it off just because society thinks boys should have short hair.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/10/2013 18:46

OP, the two things are connected.

There would not have been a problem if his hair was manageable or if you didn't feel it such a hardship to give him a hairband.

natwebb79 · 04/10/2013 18:46

"Long hair makes boys look like girls"?? Oh give me strength! (and a time machine...)

impecuniousmarmoset · 04/10/2013 18:46

And how many people seem to think 7 year olds have ideas or agency of their own?! My 5 year old is extremely clear on what she wants her hair to look like (not that there's much option for her as it has barely grown at all her entire life), so I'm quite certain a 7 year old would have their own ideas. If such children come from hippyish middle class families, that's probably because, it would appear from this thread, the boys from non-hippyish mc families would not allow their child that freedom of expression, even if they wanted to.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/10/2013 18:49

Why is it that if a child has long hair they are considered to be enjoying "freedom of expression"?

Maybe some parents just cba to cut it.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/10/2013 18:49

I think that teachers should be aware that at 7 children are (and some more than others) very literal minded. Refraining from letting out your frustration in the form of a joke is professional.

I work in a school and I wouldn't make this kind of joke unless I was absolutely sure it would be understood as such. Teachers should be more sensitive than the average person

SayMyNameSayIt · 04/10/2013 18:50

You have bigger fish to fry , so does the teacher, like getting on with the lesson!

Was he supposed to put the lesson on hold while he went to phone you to ask where the sweatband was??? Was he supposed to call you in to discuss it??? You'd be complaining about that, "AIBU to think this is a fuss over nothing??? Why on earth did the PE teacher ask to see me/phone me because my DS forgot his sweatband!!!!"

RedHelenB · 04/10/2013 18:50

On PE days his hair needs to be in a pony tail or plait, simples!

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/10/2013 18:50

IMO

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/10/2013 18:51

I agree RedHelen

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 18:51

Suburbanrhonda. Would you being saying the same if it had been said to a girl. I don't think so.

Can't believe the amount of claptrap on here about the fact people think his hair length is an issue. Perhaps you are the ones that should suck it up, not the op.

The teacher was wrong to use a threatening comment to the child. He should be asked to ex

Murdermysteryreader · 04/10/2013 18:51

Get some sweat bands and tie backs and leave it at that!

BratinghamPalace · 04/10/2013 18:51

Loads of elastics in the PE kit. If your son wants it long then he has to remember to tie it up. It is for his own good after all. Nothing worse than missing a ball or something because of the hair. Back up the teacher - teachable moment and all that!