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AIBU?

To say no to lending this money?

39 replies

starrychime · 03/10/2013 21:44

Feel rubbish. Best friend (of 20+ years) is really crap with money. Tonight her DP calls me to ask to borrow £200 to get them out of latest money pickle. (I'm quite pally with her DP as well) - I could afford it at the moment but said no . Background is a couple of years ago they borrowed £500 to go on holiday, I could afford it at the time but due to various things it took over a year to get paid back by which time I was really struggling myself. She avoided me for a while as she was too embarrassed about not being able to pay it back (I know her well, it really was embarrassment rather than not wanting to pay) and I ended up having to write to her (I mean who writes these days ) and assure her I didn't hate her etc and then we got back in touch and money was paid eventually.
So AIBU to say no this time - don't want to risk any more bad feeling but am hoping she'll understand why I said no. Would you?

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starrychime · 03/10/2013 22:49

Thanks all, guess I did the right thing saying no, still feelas a bit crap tho

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olgaga · 03/10/2013 22:45

She might be a friend but you're not responsible for her! I think you've already been more than generous to still be her friend after the last pisstake.

Once bitten twice shy.

bigbrick · 03/10/2013 22:37

Just say no as it's tough times for all.

zippey · 03/10/2013 22:36

You have to pay money to take out a loan? Any fees would be added to the loan.

I agree that it sounds like a scam. Maybe you can advise them of this, if you are good friends.

The question is why do they need a loan?

ivykaty44 · 03/10/2013 22:33

nevera lender or borrower be if you want to keep your friends

starrychime · 03/10/2013 22:30

Just for getting by at the moment I think TwoMuch, there are always problems with his wages being late, tax credits delays, various things going wrong...

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TwoMuchTwoYoung · 03/10/2013 22:26

What do they need the loan for?

Shinyshoes1 · 03/10/2013 22:24

Don't do it !

Xmasbaby11 · 03/10/2013 22:23

YANBU. Please don't lend it. It would make you miserable and it's not your responsibility to bail her out. It's better if they learn you are NOT there as a back up. A holiday is a luxury. We can't afford much of a holiday these days but it's not worth getting into debt for. It would be different if they were genuinely hard up and needed to pay the gas bill.

ENormaSnob · 03/10/2013 22:21

Yanbu

Department · 03/10/2013 22:21

I agree with Caja. If you want to help offer to look over the loan documentation for them

starrychime · 03/10/2013 22:21

It would be a bad credit loan I think - don't think they'd qualify for a proper bank loan. How does that work then, does the lender say they'll lend money but just keeps the payment and disappears?

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CajaDeLaMemoria · 03/10/2013 22:18

It's a scam.

It'll be a guaranteed bad credit loan, until they pay that first payment and the money never comes through.

No real loan would require a payment so soon. I've looked at these so many times with the CAB. So many people fall for them :(

pumpkinsweetie · 03/10/2013 22:18

Yanbu, this sort of money & friends does not mix!

Kafri · 03/10/2013 22:17

I was taught a valuable lesson where lending money is concerned. Never lend money you can't afford to lose!

Yanbu

Floggingmolly · 03/10/2013 22:17

Complete bullshit. They need to borrow the first payment in order to get a loan . They can't afford that loan either! Stay clear.

Department · 03/10/2013 22:15

I think I'd be straight with her and say you can't do it again after all the trouble it caused last time

mumofweeboys · 03/10/2013 22:14

Just tell her it's nothing personal but you don't lend money anymore as it causes too many problems. Perhaps suggest credit union.

QuintessentialShadows · 03/10/2013 22:13

Did they have another "holiday crisis"?

Of course you are not wrong to not lend money to people who borrow to go on holiday.

foslady · 03/10/2013 22:13

But how can they afford to pay a loan back if they are that skint and bad with money? The two together are a recipe for disaster.....YANBU

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 03/10/2013 22:12

X-post.

Wha??? First payment? That does not really sound like any loan structures I'm familiar with...

What do they need the loan for then?

PareyMortas · 03/10/2013 22:12

She was so embarrassed last time and yet her DH has asked again? I'd say it sounds like they really really need it if they've asked again under those circumstances so I'd help them out.

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OctoberNights · 03/10/2013 22:11

There is something to the old saying never a borrower or lender be

If you could not afford it if it wasn't paid ...do not lend it

If you want to help thm and can afford to , get their shopping on a home deleivery, top up the electricity or gas (if they are are on prepay meters)

Do not just hand over money

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 03/10/2013 22:11

I want to know the reason too!

starrychime · 03/10/2013 22:10

It's so her DP can get a loan - if he had that as the 1st payment he could get it right away apparently, and I would be paid back when it came through.

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