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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my friend for booking her birthday party...

68 replies

Itsmybluminbirthday · 30/09/2013 18:38

On my actual birthday?

That day is not her birthday.

She knew it was my birthday.

Or am I being childish?

Have name changed.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 30/09/2013 19:15

I don't think you're unreasonable.

It's a bit mean of her if she knows it's your birthday to expect you to celebrate hers without making it a joint celebration.

Hemlet · 30/09/2013 19:17

Have you asked her why she's chosen to celebrate her birthday on your birthday?

Original poster
Itsmybluminbirthday · 30/09/2013 19:17

Same group of friends. No traditionally significant milestone on either side.

I can live with it. Just a little piqued I suppose and wanted a moan without causing ripples!

OP posts:
Minnieisthedevilmouse · 30/09/2013 19:23

Bizarre. I'd ask her. Could she have forgotten? Is she often this self absorbed?!

MrsWolowitz · 30/09/2013 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claudedebussy · 30/09/2013 19:27

tis a bit weird...

maddening · 30/09/2013 19:28

I wonder if it's a surprise party for you?

piratecat · 30/09/2013 19:33

having read your second post, that it's a school night and not a significant one, then it's selfish imo.

FreeWee · 30/09/2013 19:35

YANBU to be annoyed. Whether you tell her you're annoyed or not is a different matter but I would be annoyed yes.

Original poster
Itsmybluminbirthday · 30/09/2013 19:36

It's going to be odd, with a load of mutual friends. What if one of them says happy birthday to me? Or several do? How's that going to work?

It's an etiquette minefield if nothing else. That or an interesting for a bit of social observation...

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsmybluminbirthday · 30/09/2013 19:38

*interesting occasion

Sorry

OP posts:
claudedebussy · 30/09/2013 19:41

yes, the nice thought is it's a surprise party for you - but what if it's not?

i do think it's poor etiquette. i don't think i'd personally be pulling that stunt.

IamChristmas · 30/09/2013 19:43

I think YANBU. One of my friends did that once, arranged a birthday outing on another friends birthday. I made sure I turned up with a huge bunch of flowers for the person whose birthday it actually was, and made a big fuss of her. I did give the other friend a card etc as well but really wanted to make sure my friend whose birthday it was didn't feel overlooked.
I am a fully fledged adult and I still like to make a fuss of people on their birthdays and have a bit of a fuss made of mine. I don't see why kids should have all the fun, every year I'm still alive is a good enough reason to celebrate I think!

Original poster
Itsmybluminbirthday · 30/09/2013 19:50

IamChristmas, that's really sweet.

Though I'd imagine it could be a rather sticky situation. I think the reason I'm 'piqued' is that it almost feels like an attempt to test peoples loyalties. I'm probably over thinking it.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 30/09/2013 19:52

It's going to be very odd.

You'll have to sit there looking uncomfortable while everyone hands cards/presents to your friend.

Then once they realise it's your actual birthday, they'll all be looking really uncomfortable they haven't bought anything for you.

Sounds very awkward.

bundaberg · 30/09/2013 19:53

well don't go!

say "sorry, but i;m going out that night as it's MY BIRTHDAY"

MrsWembley · 30/09/2013 19:53

YANBU, she is being odd. If you can cope without getting too upset then go, but make sure she overhears any of your mutual friends wishing you a Happy Birthday...

I, too, don't get this thing on here about birthdays only being for children. I get fuck all attention the rest of the year and spend most of my life looking after my family. On my birthday I want looking after!

Hmm
MrsWilliamBodie · 30/09/2013 19:56

I see what you mean about testing loyalties. Is she a close friend?

If she was a newbie to the group, I would be declaring 'Wendy'.

IamChristmas · 30/09/2013 19:57

It was awkward. However you have done nothing wrong, so you have nothing to feel bad about. Hopefully your friends will look out for you and if it makes her squirm that's her problem.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 30/09/2013 19:57

It does seem a bit random if it's a school night

Hassled · 30/09/2013 19:59

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I'd be mightily hacked off. It's just such a weird thing to do.

You need to talk to her - say "Mate, this is a weird thing to do. What's occurring?".

MrsWembley · 30/09/2013 20:08

...in a Welsh accent...

sebastianthesingingaubergine · 30/09/2013 20:22

Perhaps she has Forgotten its your birthday!

sebastianthesingingaubergine · 30/09/2013 20:26

And if so, and if I were you, I would be positively wallowing in her mortification when she realises. On the night.

Whocansay · 30/09/2013 20:37

You can make suppositions about this all night and never know - it may be she's a cow trying to upstage you, she could just be inconsiderate or she may have forgotten it's your birthday.

If you feel uncomfortable about it, decline the invitation and tell her you have already made plans for your birthday. Then arrange a fabulous night for you birthday with your friends - making sure its the Saturday night before your actual birthday....