I am Hindu and dh is english not religious. For 3 years I have willingly hosted ils for christmas dinner, cooking a turkey even though I am a strict vegetarian. I always make a huge effort with presents (that normally get returned even if it was on the list ils gave me) and making everything from scratch (helps that I love cooking) cos I know it is important to ils and dh.
I have a bit of history with ils (not aproving of me because I am indian). They kicked up a huge fuss around indian wedding etc.
I have been with dh almost 10 years and we have a 7 month old ds. My religion is quite important to me and we want to bring ds up knowing and selebrating both Christmas and dewali in the traditional way. The last 3/4 years ils have completely ignored Dewali and not tried to understand me or what I believe. DH and I weren't living together before that and I was studying abroad and at uni so didn't expect it. I guess I just thaught as I have become part of their family they might've wanted to acknowledge who I am. I don't want ds to see this dismissal of my beliefs and am wondering. Am I expecting too much? Am I just cross because of the history? Am I angry because even after dropping hints about dewali with dates they have still ignored it? Am I just simply expecting too much for something that is just not their festival? Am I really upset because I go to so much effort for something I don't believe in but respect and they can't give me the same respect? I wouldn't expect mil to cook a curry (she would never do! can't stand foreign food) just a "happy Dewali" phone call will do. I would even understand if she called me up in the summer and asked me when Dewali was (dates change every year) even though it's easy to just do a Google search. Please tell me am I just asking too much?Or am I really cross because my parents by tree, decorate house, give presents to dh and ils and generally make a huge fuss over Christmas even though we never did it growing up? They feel dh is part of the family and we need to respect everyone's veliefs and selebrate them. Dh understands but doesn't know how we can make a change. I can't understand why I can't just let this one go as I do with so much else when it comes to ils. Thank you for reading my nightime ramble.
AIBU?
To want dh's family to acknowledge Dewali?
nesticles · 30/09/2013 02:19
Loving "shit sandwich" 
Ignore the miserable gits, you sound fab and if I were your MIL I would be thanking all my gods that you married my son.
Good on you, OP! We're all here for you if any shit hits fans
As for Christmas dinner, what would you cook for any special meal? Just make the things you love and love sharing with people. That's what celebratory food is all about IMO.
nesticles, I think you are doing brilliantly in a very difficult situation, given the horrible attitudes of your ILs.
My DP is a 'cultural Hindu' - that is to say his family celebrate Diwali wholeheartedly in a cultural sense but are not really religious. And my family, non-religious, cultural English, are invited to a Diwali dinner, fireworks, mithai etc and everyone has a great time. This works very well for DS, and ideally in a multi-cultural family it is a positive thing if people are enthusiastically reciprocal and treat each culture equally, and I can see why you would like that for your child. 'When in Rome' and 'my house my rules' are such mean-minded reductive ways of thinking, IMO!
However, your ILs might be at a loss, or worried about 'doing it wrong', it's hard to know the exact date to acknowledge Diwali, and they sound as if they are inflexible, and unadventurous and set in their ways. Just invite them over and hope they have a good time. And if they are snotty about it, next year invite them to Holi and don't warn them .
at in laws at Holi, you should so do it! Purely for the benefit of your little one of course...
I would go with whatever is special to your family at Christmas. We did a huge indian feast one year, full works with bhajia starters, lots of different currys, all veggie. You could even do homemade shrikhand for dessert! The only thing that was annoying was spending an hour in the kitchen making roti for eleven people.
Donkeyok - I found this, that is a chain, not brilliant sweets, but perfectly adequate.
Ambala
227 Wilmslow Road
Manchester M14 5AG
it's 5 miles from Stockport. For kids def try the jalebi (pronounced more like gell-oh-bee) and chocolate burfi. (bur-fee) Both words with emphasis on the first syllabel. You could also get some gathia (gart-ee--ah). which my boys absolutely love. It's a deep fried savoury snack.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Thank you chopstheduck I will definitely get there. Thanks so much for the suggestions. Its great to be authentic 
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