to ask how to deal with my lazy cunt fella,i swear im going to bin bag him!

[gettingrightfuckedoff]

Could be along one but hang on in there need some constructive advice not just LTB!

I have been with DP for 3 years, we have a 6 month LO.
Just had a row (him at the bottom of stairs me at the top) because I didn't bring him his sausage butty in to the front room while he was sat on his fat arse,he did have LO on his knee though.

Firstly we usually get on great and hardly ever argue He is quite passive. He would give me his last penny. we love each other a lot.

BUT I cant cope with his laziness, its always been an issue and its what we argue about if we do.

Ive always done 99% of the house work, I don't know if it's because I lived on my own for suck a long time, I just get on with things when they need doing or Im mothering him and why the fuck should I /why do that? The other 1% is when I remind him to wash his plate.

So before I had LO I worked full time but came home before DP and did chores and did evening meal, which would be ready for when DP got in. The odd occasion he did cook, he would completely fuck the kitchen up so in the end I just said don't bother.

When I had LO nothing changed, id had EC and lost a lot of blood, I really struggled. DP skipped of to fucking work every day, its something i still throw at him while I was doing fairy steps trying to breast feed LO with bleeding nipples, no sleep and clean the house I cant sit in mess, so I don't know if im being anal

fast forward to 6 months on still nothings changed, probably got worse actually. As DP is now paying all the bills Im sure it gives him even more right to think he is the king of the fucking manor. LO is in bed by the time he gets back so he literally sees her for 1 hour before he goes work in the morning.

I bring her in for cuddle in bed. I normally deal with her during the night as he wakes her up more bumbling about. Then I will get up to get her breakfast as I pass the landing he will shout "can u run the bath..." so I did then as I go down stairs he will shout " can u just iron my shirt" .. which I have started to refuse to do.

If he makes a drink, he will leave cupboard door open, juice bottle on side, empty glass then fucking walk away from it!

When we have tea at night, he will leave his empty plate next to him and sit the all night not moving, waiting for me to walk past to take it in or when I get up ask me to 'just make him a drink, or pass him a towel when in the bath, once or twice I don't mind but its EVERY time.

He will come in from work and unchanged on the spot, put his foot ball kit on and walk out leaving a pile of clothes there like he has just vanished.

When he comes home, when I try to talk to him about something he is that absorbed with sky sports he cant take his fucking eyes off telly to acknowledge what ive said, I did actually talk to his the other night about the ignorance and he apologised.

All I do is nag now, I hate it. He called me a stupid idiot this morning, I called him a lazy cunt, he stormed out to work. All because I didn't bring his butty in and hand it to him. I actually forgot to, baby was crying as she was tired as LO has not slept well so neither did I I was just more concerned with thinking that I would have to take LO off DP as he cant settle LO and eat my sarnie with her on my knee, pulling my hair and putting her fingers in my mouth and hoping the caffine in my coffee would kick in sharpish.

Im so fed up, ive had a cry. I know he is taking the piss big time, and if he cant see that he is bang out of order then we have massive problems. He does NOTHING. I am the cleaning fairy,the food fairy, the washing fairy,cleaning fairy ect...

I'm not his mum, waitress,maid! His dad is the fucking same.

I have talked to him over this before and he always says sorry he knows he should do more but nothing ever changes. I have to 'ask' him to help with LO too. I could punch him in the throat.

[AnyFucker]

That's great that you have taken on some of the blame for his behaviour, OP

[mehimandthegirls]

Argh posted too soon!

Dp does work long hours too support us all.

I felt that I was stuck in the house caring for dd and relentless cleaning ect and felt dp wasn't appreciating me either. I feel static at the moment as while on maternity seem life is passing by as when at work I'm ultra busy.

Any way we both agreed that we were equally important in our roles to keep us on track and need to show that to each other more.

The tidy issue has been resolved by him taking chores that he had to do but in a realistic time for eg. Washing evening pots with in hour or so instead of doing them immediately like I do. I'm not going to implode if there is dirty dishes on side fir an hour!

Dp said just tell him what needs doing and he will do it, which will work better than me silently seething as he didn't see mess as it's not filthy.

Yesterday we had family over and dp cooked AND cleaned up reasonably well

Regarding the thread title , I know now I know I was in the throws of a pmt rage. No good excuse but true!

Thanks for your input .

[mehimandthegirls]

And didn't even bother to change name oops sorry mil but to be fair it's all your fault!

[AnyFucker]

Name change fail ?

[AnyFucker]

< starts to type >

< gives up >

[mehimandthegirls]

any I haven't . Dp fully excepted he was out of order and said sorry for being lazy.

But I have faults that he brought up to show I'm not perfect and wasn't shouting at me. We had good talk and ironed stuff out.

Were both happy and he is pulling his weight .

[AnyFucker]

Was everything you said in your OP a lie then ?

[mehimandthegirls]

No of course not. But I'm not gonna leave him because he was being a lazy shit.

He did need pulling over it and he was told. What do u think was a lie?

[AnyFucker]

Go back and re read it. On saturday he was X, Y, Z. Refused to do A, B, C. Today he is "pulling his weight". Well actually he isn't. He has said he is going to , but I would imagine he has said that before, so what is different this time ?

Instead, he has laid some of the blame on you which you have happily accepted and you enable him further in his laziness by also blaming his mother for it ! The worst thing women do to apologise for men's sexism and laziness is to 1) blame themselves 2) blame other women. Blame the person who sits on his fat arse demanding sausages.

I haven't said you should leave him, btw.

[Pagwatch]

Can I mention that often men grow up to be lazy shits, and women grow up to accept it because it was how things were in their home.

So I hope you are sure that he is going to change because otherwise the lazy shit man/guilty martyrish woman dynamic just rolls right along.

[mehimandthegirls]

any the comment about mil was a direct comment to her, tongue in cheek as mil is a mner and she knows my username. If she sees this thread, I'll have a frosty phone call!

Regarding putting blame on to me- when we were talking and I reeled off a,b,c,d,.........z! Dp accepted it but felt as though it was a bit of a character assassination and told me the few things that piss him off. Which are totally mess unrelated and I do , do it. Neither of us perfect but it dosnt deflect the fact he has to make changes about his laziness.

Yes I have moaned about it before and yes he did improve for a few days but then gradually stopped and I gradually picked the slack up without realising. It's something I'm going to very much aware of this time.

As a couple we can only discuss things and try to put steps together to make sure it gets fixed. You have only really stated the obvious rather than constructive advice.

So what would you do?

secretly hoping no one else comments so this thread disappears before mil sees it!

[AnyFucker]

You could ask to have the thread pulled if you don't want to cause upset to your MIL

You ask what would I do ? I did it a long time ago, and made it clear I meant every word. I am not some blokes bottle washer. I expect equal weight pulling in this house and if he doesn't like it, he knows what he can do. You have to mean it, love. If you have a blue-arsed rant every few months, he promises to change and then things slip back, why should he be concerned about your opinion ? He thinks you are in the wrong anyway, and should just STFU and do the ironing.

[mehimandthegirls]

any the first part of that thread I agree with. Yes I do need to mean it.
But 'or he knows what he can do' what's does mean? He can leave?
The rest of your last post just isn't true. Maybe your past experience had led you to believe that.

[VenusDeWillendorf]

It's basic health and safety though isn't it to have a clean and organised home/ work space.

I'd have a word with the GP to give him a bollocking about his slovenly behaviour. He may need anti depressants, or testosterone injections to get him up and running.

It's unacceptable that a fully functioning man can't heave his ass off the sofa to make his own sarnie, or pick up his own clothes.

Maybe video him and post it up on social media. "Where's mine?" could go down in history.
Photograph his leavings in the kitchen, and the clothes on the floor and email them to all his family and friends. It's reasonable that they see it if you have to.

That's why I married a man who had been to sea!

[AnyFucker]

Op, I could equally say that your past experience has led you to believe that this is how men act, and you have to suck it up. Let's not go down the "bitter" route, eh ? It demeans us both, and plays into a sexist society's hands that vilify women for standing up for their rights.

[Hedgehogparty]

In your post you say his behaviour reduces you to tears. It just doesn't sound like he really listens or has much respect for you. Otherwise, he'd change his ways.

Especially with your thread title, it might be a good idea to get this removed if as you say, your MIL may see it?

[mehimandthegirls]

any your telling me what my partner is thinking how can you possibly know that? You actually have never met him so how could you know what he thinks/feels - or do you just regard all men as one being? I do not think I have to suck it up at all, otherwise I wouldn't be kicking off. I posted to ask for constructive advice on what was the best way to deal with it while I was still in the rage I don't really want to get involved with feminism argument as no matter what I say, wont be right.

I did have a cry, because we had argued and I was amidst my pmt which actually does hit me like a brick wall, some times I can be murderous . I actually hate feeling like that as I don't feel in control of my mind/body and its a really pathetic girlie thing to say/do thinking about asking GP to go on combi pill.

In hind sight I shouldn't have posted what I did about him, when was in that state of mind. He is not a cunt. a lazy git yes. Am I a muppet/mug for letting it get this far? yes!

he isn't depressed, far from it, more like the class clown.