AIBU to think there is a stigma attached to taking up Free School Meals?

[cingolimama]

Would really value MNers experience here. DH and I have had a pretty disastrous year financially (redundancy for DH, drying up of contracts for me). However we are both working hell for leather to turn this around. In the meantime we're eligible for FSM, which frankly would be a big help. I also know that it helps the school gain a Pupil Premium.

But I'm a bit nervous about this. I don't want my daughter to be "targeted for help" as I believe anyone benefiting from FSM is (but perhaps I'm being idiotic - DD could surely use a booster in maths dept.) I also don't want any social stigma attached to this. It's a mixed school socially, but the majority is very middle class. Has anyone had any negative experience of taking this up? Or AIBU and it will all be fine?

[ElaineVintage]

In my day (I'm 32) in West Yorkshire/Leeds for FSM you were given a token to hand to the dinner lady. It was much more obvious and made you stand out. I got used to it but did make me feel a little uncomfortable.

[BoundandRebound]

Struggle academically is not the same as not reaching potential

And yes there is an aggregate correlation between social deprivation and academic achievement.

State sector in highest social deprivation area with over 68% of students on FSM

[BoundandRebound]

Sorry the " doesn't seem like the two link to me" is a very weird statement

We have free breakfast for all students, outreach programmes providing counselling, furniture (some of our students live in appalling conditions). We have students pitching up at 7am because school is just safer

You think it makes no difference to academics when children face poverty, overcrowding and gang warfare on streets, when there is generational unemployment and school refusal, when they are responsible as carers for sick or younger family members?

[Misspixietrix]

cingolimama it will be fine. I understand what you mean about the social stigma but honestly the children really don't care. If it will help your situation why not? ~

[burberryqueen]

well the fact that my children were on fsm for a while was used as a negative point against me by the school to SS.
and before anyone starts howling that i am wrong, that actually did happen.

[burberryqueen]

and it was assumed that i was uneducated etc

[marriedinwhiteisback]

lifeofpo that happened to my bf too - she was beyond grief. And 40 years ago teenage girls did bitch about it. But it was 40 years ago. So we queued together - she had my money and I had her card.

[cory]

40 years ago I can imagine other parents might have bitched. These days ime it isn't something children would pick up on and talk about. I have never known about any child my dc have been to school with if they are on free school meals or not.

[christinarossetti]

Money is usually collected via the school office these days. The kids don't know who has or hasn't received fsm.

[loveinthemist]

We qualified for Free School Meals for 6 months a couple of years ago due to a period of unemployment. We have 4DC and it really helped us at that time. No stigma at all. I know for a fact that this meant that the school qualified for x4 Pupil Premium and the Head was quite pleased about getting that extra money for the school!

My DC didn't realise they were getting FSM and the other children didn't have a clue either. The kitchen and office staff obviously knew but they are all lovely and knew what a tough time our family was going through at the time.

If you're eligible for it then claim it.

[marriedinwhiteisback]

manicsomaniac I don't have research based evidence but when we sent dd to a comp with a very diverse intake (champagne socialists in 2m+ houses AND girLs from the estate around the corner) the expectations of the parents in relation to achievement and social things were very different. That's not to say that there weren't many girls from homes where money was very tight but they seemed to have well educated parents who had hit hard times who were vey supported from loving homes who would go on to achieve. I would say from two years in one school for example that of the 20 richest and most educated families 90% actively engaged with the school, education and the PTA but of the poorest and least educated families only 25% actively engaged. Having kept in touch I believe one or two girls at the top are off the rails, whereas this increases, with the addition of early teenage pgs, as the lowest levels of engagement are reached.

It's a problem for all society and one of inherited disengagement which I think is getting worse. Some people feel there is nothing to aspire to. I don't think educationalists are making it better.

[unlucky83]

If you are eligible go for it...
Here at primary no-one would know...
At secondary the children do know -
Children have to put money on their cards (in a machine) whilst for FSM the money is automatically on there...and a lot of the children go outside school for lunch but the FSM generally don't (although my DDs friend on FSM is given money at least once a week to go out of school too)..and it doesn't seem like any of the other children care etc ...
Getting FSM means you will get help with other things -
eg DD1's school in first 2 weeks back the first years have had bills for £65 (use of a locker for 3 yrs £20 inc £5 deposit for the key), £40 (materials for Home econ and Design tech) - (DD1 is second year so 'just' the £40)
on FSM it would have been £25 - £5 locker key deposit and £20 half the materials charge ...
I think it is a lot anyway for parents to have to pay especially with no prior warning (although you can pay the materials in two installments if you have to) especially if you are really struggling ....

[Svrider]

I would take up fsm without a second thought
Not eligible tho
Hmmm cheese sandwiches then

[ToysRLuv]

I wouldn't take the risk of being on any register like that. Not worth it.

[curlew]

"I wouldn't take the risk of being on any register like that. Not worth it."

What on earth do you mean???

[burberryqueen]

it is a risk actually, obviously not in an ideal world but we do not live in that Utopia sadly.
risk of being judged as uneducated and feckless by the school. risk of assumptions being made about the children, risk of being treated differently by the class teachers.
all of these are v real risks.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

I have no idea who's on FSM at my dds school and I do t think the kids do either.

Before you accept them though please go and see what they are like. Dont look at the menu, actually go see what they are like. If they are nice then take them. If they aren't then don't.

[Nerfmother]

But being eligible for fsm is based on fact: ie no earned income. The school would have a pretty good idea of you qualified or not even if you didn't take it up - why would it be a risk? Surely it's beneficial and a positive indicator of your parenting skills? Ie the dcs get a decent meal freeing up money for the other meals and needs. Weird to think its a flag of some sort.

Op - I would have no hesitation in taking them up.

[burberryqueen]

Weird to think its a flag of some sort - err no not weird at all, it most definitely IS a flag of a most definite sort.

[Feminine]

A shame that in 2013 with all the dreadful problems in the economy.

We are still stigmatizing the 'poor'

[ToysRLuv]

Well, it sounds to me like if you get fsm, your family is being "flagged up" for extra help and there are lots of unfair assumptions there.

I got "extra help" in form of a few free nursery hours a week for respite when I opened up to hv about my pnd, sleep-deprivation and having no family or friends nearby to help me when ds was around 11 mths old. Turns out it meant that that I had to attend quite basic parenting classes at the nursery / children's centre to receive the hours. Having a uni degree in a relevant area and being very knowledgeable about latest psych in child rearing made no difference. I felt insulted and targeted in a crude way just for being depressed and sleep-deprived. They also wanted to force me to do cc on ds, which I really didn't want to do. I walked away from this arrangement and felt better immediately. Ds's sleeping sorted itself out eventually, as did my pnd, and in the meantime I felt happy I was in control of my own life. Do not want any official instances to "help" me ever again.

[jessieagain]

Op it might be worthwhile asking the school how meals are provided for children claiming free meals.

If their system is not as discreet as some described by others here, maybe the school can change their system to make it more discreet? They might not be aware of some of these other ways.

[jessieagain]

To answer your question, I wouldn't judge others, but I wouldn't claim them for my ds unless the system was very private and only admin staff and his teachers knew.

[ConferencePear]

Is there some way that you can find out what the system is like in the school(s) they attend ?
In the secondary school I work in I just don't know who has free meals. The children pay (or don't) at the school office and all the kids have a swipe card.
I thought this was universal, but I see from the thread that there is a great variety.

[Feenie]

risk of being judged as uneducated and feckless by the school. risk of assumptions being made about the children, risk of being treated differently by the class teachers.

These are negligible - no one gives it a second thought, and if one single person were to voice that kind of prejudice they would be pulled up immediately as unprofessional and ridiculous. Wouldn't happen.