AIBU to think this is quite bitchy behaviour or am I just being over-sensitive?

[BrokenLullaby]

We had quite nice weather last week so a friend arranged for her, me and two other friends to meet up at a local pub for a drink after work.

We all live in the same town but they live very close together so they would have arranged to walk down together. I got there a little late as I have quite a long way to drive from work, had already told friend I could be late depending on traffic.

Anyway when I got there I assumed they would be sat outside, I drove by but couldn't see them and there was quite a lot of people there. This is going to sound pathetic but I'm not a very confident person and I don't like just walking into places by myself (silly I admit) so I thought I would ring them to make sure they were there.

Rang friend A - no answer, rang friend B - no answer, rang friend B again she picked up told me where they were and I went in to meet them. The signal is quite rubbish in that area so I didn't think anything of it.

Yesterday I went over to friend C's house for coffee and I was told that when I rang friend A she looked at her phone and went "why is she ringing me?" and then purposely didn't answer her phone.

When I rang friend B's phone, friend A said "Friend B don't answer it". When I rang again Friend C pretty much said - "what the hell is the problem just answer the phone" - which is the only reason my friend B did.

I was quite upset by it because if I could see them I wouldn't have been sat in my car trying to ring them I would have just gone straight over to them. And if it was the other way around I wouldn't have even hesitated answering my friends call - it would have been a non-issue.

Aibu to think Friend A's behaviour was quite bitchy and to a certain extent so was Friend B's or am I just being ridiculously over sensitive about it all?

[fuzzywuzzy]

I don't think you did anything wrong OP, I'd do the same. Actually my friends would have text me to tell me where they were sitting to make it easier for me.

I don't have social anxieties, I just presumed when meeting someone somewhere the first to arrive lets the other person know where they are sat.

Unless you're on MN obviously, then you sit in a pub with three rooms a garden & two seperate entrances and quietly watch as your friend walks around looking for you.

I'd be bit cooler with friends A & B in future.

[YalleyoftheDolls87]

Unless you're on MN obviously, then you sit in a pub with three rooms a garden & two seperate entrances and quietly watch as your friend walks around looking for you

Hahaha, that made me actually LOL.

MN world is so far from the real world.

If the majority of you were at the meeting place first and a friend rang to see if you were already there then I doubt many would find it odd or say your friend has anxiety issues.

[Therealamandaclarke]

Did I read that they could see you had parked?

If so, then IMHO A was irritated by your need to ring. This is likely to be because she sees that behaviour as precious and demanding. She might have been having a bad day and so her tolerance was limited.
Friend B is impressed by A and probably shares some of her views on he subject.
Friend C is using the situation to affect you. she has tried to make you see her as an ally and create a division between you and A & B.

So, not really nice behaviour from anyone but hard to tell from this onesituation whether it's normal group friendship stuff or suble bullying.

[Morloth]

It is perfectly normal when meeting up with friends at a busy place to give them a buzz and see if they are there/whereabouts they are.

Happens all the time.

Not answering, telling someone else not to answer is the weird behaviour, not the calling.

[TeaAndABiscuit]

YANBU. One of my friends prefers not to wait on her own (which I know is slightly different to your scenario) but I don't make her feel like crap over it. I just text that I'm at the bar and what is she drinking!
Perhaps if it happens again explain. If they are your friends they will accommodate. It's no biggie (well, it wouldn't be to me).

[hollyisalovelyname]

My Mum always said 'Beware of the one passing on stories'
So that is Friend C

[Floggingmolly]

I wouldn't consider any of them my friends, tbh. Friend A decides taking a phone call from you is too much trouble, announces this to friend B who immediately agrees and refuses to pick up either; and friend C thinks it would be to your advantage to know this
Are you all very young as in, about 12?

[Lazyjaney]

You know I try and take the answers on here gracefully because I asked the question in the first place. What does it bloody matter if I rang to see if friends were already there yet

Because the whole situation only makes sense if they were irritated by you, and not its clear why they were irritated but one explanation that works is that you have form for ringing unecessarily and they don't like it.

Or they did no such thing and friend C is lying and trying to turn you against A.

Or the explanation is something else entirely.

but, speaking only for myself, if I saw a friend drive into the pub carpark and then ring me I'd be a bit WTF, and if they did it every time I would probably get a bit fed up.

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

How did C start the conversation regarding the phone call when you went to her house for coffee?

[YalleyoftheDolls87]

precious and demanding

Lol I've heard it all now.

It's precious and demanding to ask a friend if they are already there?

How some of you actually have friends is very bewildering. You see what you view to be a flaw and rip it apart like some sort of vulture.

How lovely it must be to be so perfect.

[YalleyoftheDolls87]

Did I read that they could see you had parked?

Surely that doesn't matter? If I saw my friend drive in and then ring me, I'd still answer the phone and I wouldn't tell anyone else not to answer the phone either.

If the OP had seen them and then rung yes they would be strange but she obviously didn't.

[Awomansworth]

If they saw you park then surely they knew you were ringing to check which part of the place they were in to save you wandering around. Quite normal behaviour given the size of it.

Not very good friends IMO.

[princesspeabody]

Double edged sword...

Bit mean of them to ignore you but equally you could do with just taking a deep breath and walking into a pub on your own. We all feel a bit uncomfortable but it's really not that hard.

I would be giving all of them a wide berth if I were you though.

[Iamsparklyknickers]

I don't think OP is being needy and I think A and B sound a bit tapped. It's not unusual to give people a quick ring to find out where they are - hell I've been in one half of a group ringing the other to save wandering around. Personally I always text if I'm there first to let people know where abouts I am - is that weird then?

I'm not entirely convinced that friend C needed to tell you what was said, but I think I would be interested enough now to press her about it and why she felt I needed to know. Take it all with a pinch of salt but if you should have reason to be wary of A or C I would rather have the information (especially if I was planning on staying friends with them all) than not.

[HollaAtMeBaby]

OK, OP, I am sorry. If you don't have a history of needing hand-holding and were just ringing to see if they were there yet, your friends are mean! Or at least A and C are. So YANBU.

[toomanyfionas]

It is quite simple. Your "friends" are unkind to you. You can let them carry on or you can look for better friends. All this she said stuff is just silly, real friends don't behave like that.

[DontmindifIdo]

If I was you, I'd ask B what happened, C might be stirring, or trying to warn you A was being a cow - but B could have easily answered her phone herself.

[Therealamandaclarke]

yalleyofthedolls I didn't say that I think it was precious and demanding. I don't Ctually.
But it would explain A's refusal to take the call. I suspect she may feel that, based on the op.

[He11y]

If I saw a friend pull up and park, I'd either tty and get their attention through the windows, head for the entrance to meet them if the meeting place was large or text her to say where we were.

All my friends would do the same.

I'd be wary of them all, especially friend C as you didn't need to know that.

If I was friend C and didn't agree with their behaviour, I'd just make sure I text you or I'd go and get you next time, rather than stir trouble and make you feel bad.

It's definitely not your problem - what you did is perfectly acceptable.

[Therealamandaclarke]

Nd if they had seen her park it would mean they knew she hadn't been held up elsewhere. It meant they (or at least A) were being "funny" about her ringing.
Which is why I said I thought it wasn't nice.