AIBU to think this is quite bitchy behaviour or am I just being over-sensitive?

[BrokenLullaby]

We had quite nice weather last week so a friend arranged for her, me and two other friends to meet up at a local pub for a drink after work.

We all live in the same town but they live very close together so they would have arranged to walk down together. I got there a little late as I have quite a long way to drive from work, had already told friend I could be late depending on traffic.

Anyway when I got there I assumed they would be sat outside, I drove by but couldn't see them and there was quite a lot of people there. This is going to sound pathetic but I'm not a very confident person and I don't like just walking into places by myself (silly I admit) so I thought I would ring them to make sure they were there.

Rang friend A - no answer, rang friend B - no answer, rang friend B again she picked up told me where they were and I went in to meet them. The signal is quite rubbish in that area so I didn't think anything of it.

Yesterday I went over to friend C's house for coffee and I was told that when I rang friend A she looked at her phone and went "why is she ringing me?" and then purposely didn't answer her phone.

When I rang friend B's phone, friend A said "Friend B don't answer it". When I rang again Friend C pretty much said - "what the hell is the problem just answer the phone" - which is the only reason my friend B did.

I was quite upset by it because if I could see them I wouldn't have been sat in my car trying to ring them I would have just gone straight over to them. And if it was the other way around I wouldn't have even hesitated answering my friends call - it would have been a non-issue.

Aibu to think Friend A's behaviour was quite bitchy and to a certain extent so was Friend B's or am I just being ridiculously over sensitive about it all?

[BrianTheMole]

Thing is, one cannot rely on others to fix one's hangups and/or life

I know this. But no harm in being a little more gentle with your words?

[RooRooTaToot]

I agree with Queenbach that it is sensible to call before going into a big place, especially if you are not the most confident of people. It's happened to me before that I've been the first person at a pub, found a table, then 20 mins after meeting time give another friend a call and found that they are in a different room of the same pub wondering where I am!

A quick 15 sec phone call isn't a big deal at all.

I've got a close friend who has extreme anxiety. She has called me from the doorstep of my house before as she was 10mins early and wasn't sure if it was ok to knock. She's been my BF for 22 years! It doesn't matter. I would never describe that as 'needy' and I don't think that the OP comes across as needy either!

OP did C offer a possible reason why A said that? I hope C was trying to give you a heads up, rather than shit stir.

[QueenBach]

Thing is, one cannot rely on others to fix one's hangups and/or life.

I don't think the OP is expecting that. I don't get the impression that she was saying please stay on the line until I get to the table.

The three friends walked down together so obviously all arrived at the same time. It's not needy or clingy to see if people are there yet.

What do you do? Walk into a large place, walk amongst all the tables looking for your friends, shouting their names? Or does it just make life that bit easier to make a 2 minute phone call and say "I'm here, are you?" Then friends says yes we're sat over the in corner or no I'm not there yet.

[BrianTheMole]

I sometimes call friends to look out for me if I'm meeting them someplace. The main reason being is that my eyesight is utterly dreadful and I can easily walk within a few feet of them and just not clock them in a busy place.

[AlpacaPicnic]

But, as somebody else has said... The friends don't know why she is ringing... What is (extreme example warning!) she had fallen and hurt herself and was calling for some help... Or had an accident and wasn't going to be able to make it?

I would give a quick call or text in the situation you have described... Big place to meet and not wishing to wander around looking like a lost sheep. It's not necessarily 'needy' it's practical.

[aquashiv]

Perhaps they didn't say this at all or this is being told to you out of context and it seems worse than it really is. Were they talking about something very emotional at the time or hanging on for another round and you were holding up proceedings.
The only way you will know for sure is to ask them outright.

[Samnella]

Yanbu to be upset. You don't know why A and B wouldn't answer the phone and it could be due to any reason from being nasty, in the middle of a conversation or something you persistantly do like calling to cancel at the last minute. Who knows. I would ask yourself if these people are your friends and if they are then assume the best. Similarly friend c IMO shouldn't have told you but if she is a friend then assume its said with the best intention. Maybe be a little more guarded with these people as it sounds to me you have doubts about them . Don't give yourself a hard time you sound like a lovely person.

[Xmasbaby11]

That's terrible - rubbish friends. Why wouldn't you answer the phone to a friend who you expect to be meeting?

FWIW, I think it's fine to call to see where friends are sitting. I am a confident person and I do it quite often just to speed things up - because I am excited to see friends asap! It's not clingy. It's practical.

[Mosschopz]

OP was late, friends were not sat in expected place and from all accounts the place was busy....I'd have phoned too I think, it just avoids wasting drinking time. There was no need for either friend A or friend C to say what they said. It was unkind.

[Backtobedlam]

YANBU, they sound bitchy. Not sure why friend C told you this though, if you're not feeling particularly confident anyway I don't think it needed to be mentioned. They should have answered their phones though, I have a friend who always calls to see where I'm sat, asks me to order food/drink as she doesn't like to stand at the bar alone...it doesn't bother me so more than happy to do what I can to make sure she's not left feeling awkward.

[CakeAche]

Seconding previous poster's suggestion of friend C possibly being a Wendy.

[MaryJayneHeart]

Surely it's just practical to call? I have some friends who are always late so you never know if there are already there or not.

Why would I bother walking aimlessly around looking for someone in a busy place or end up missing them and us both being sat on different tables getting more annoyed by the minute - when I could just call?

If I was waiting for someone and they rang me I would of course answer the phone and if I could see them I'd say we're right behind you you billyhead

It's not exactly clingy or needy.

[valiumredhead]

I always ring friends first to find out where they are,nothing wrong with that!

Friend c shouldn't have told you any of this, not nice in my book.

[RabbitIssue]

God some of these answers are horrible

They didn't know why she was ringing so they can't have been ignoring her because they felt her behaviour was 'needy' She could have been phoning to say her car had broken down.

And it's not strange to want to know if your friends are already there yet, or whereabouts in a large pub they might be. Lots of my friends do this, or would feel better going in together, it's hardly a crime.

[SarahAndFuck]

Friend B sounds like the weak link in the chain. Ask her what happened.

There are a few reasons why you might have been ringing. You could have been running late or cancelling at the last minute.

I think it's fine to ring and find out where someone is, especially in a big place like that. I would do it. And if I arrive first I often send a text to say "I'm here, we are sitting by the window/door/whatever" so people can find me. I really don't see the problem.

Is friend A a Wendy type? Is friend C a stirrer?

Either way, if you want to find out then asking B "what was going on when I rang you?" might be the way to do it. See what she says, if she says ''nothing'' or asks why you want to know just say "well I heard A told you not to answer the phone the first time I rang and then C told you to answer it when I rang again" and see what she says.

[waddlecakes]

Seems completely obvious to me that there's something you're not telling us: either you're frequently late, frequently mass call people to check whether they're somewhere rather than going to find out, or freqeuntly cancel last minute.

It seems obvious that thats why friend A was 'acting like a bitch'. She was probably thinking ''Jesus, here we go again....''

So - what are you doing thats irritating like that?

[FirmYoungCarrot]

I would have probably rung in your situation OP or expected my friends to text with rough location (at the back, in the green room).

If this is a large and presumably busy pub and you don't know if they are there yet so whether you should actually look or just nab a table it would win a pain - a phone call sorts that. And I consider myself confident.

As to the friends - my immediate reaction is C is making it up or over-egging it. Why didn't she offer an explanation for their exasperation?

You know them beat though - which one do you trust most.

I hate those atmospheres and has hopes that most people would have grown out of the by the end of school or at least university but bitching does happen and it doesn't necessarily mean the friendship is over bit is quite unusual if you are not seeing each other very regularly in a kind of intense way I'd have thought and maybe then A and b aren't worth it.

But you know them - what are they like and are they worth it?

You don't sound needy and I'm sure they like you otherwise why would they have invited you?

[FirmYoungCarrot]

Jeez so so many typos above sorry - I will go back to reviewing each message.

[Morloth]

I would question C's behaviour the most TBH.

You only have her word that this actually happened and assuming that it did why would you say anything.

It all sounds a bit strange, why bother?

[Viviennemary]

I don't think it was very tactful of friend C to tell you about this. She should just have let it go. She sounds like a stirrer to me.

[BrokenLullaby]

I trust Friend C completely and she has no reason to stir anything.

I think things may have got a little confused.

The three of them all live very close by (we're talking 5 minute walk) and so it was just obvious that they would all have walked there together and got there at the same time.

I was coming from work from an opposite direction that they would have been walking.

I drove into the car park, all three of them saw me do this. So I thought instead of hunting them out I'd give them a call (I hadn't seen them as obviously if I had I wouldn't have called)

I never cancel last minute, or am late. I already told my friend I might be late depending on traffic - rush hour is very unpredictable. I don't "mass call" anyone, I call to see if they are already there and where they are sat.

It's a local pub and it was very busy and so not easy to quickly spot people, especially when you don't have a clue what area they are going to be sat in when they have a choice are four different sections.

I don't perhaps from reading some of those I am a paranoid, clingy and needy freak. I just know if the roles were reversed I would never ignore a friend phoning me.

If I found them that annoying I wouldn't pretend to be their friend.

[Viviennemary]

I still don't think there was any point in friend C telling you about this whether you trust her or not. What was to be gained from it. Except now you being upset and worrying about the bitchiness of friend A. I think the best thing you can do is forget about this incident. All friends annoy and irritate us from time to time so I would just put it down to that.

[Morloth]

So why did friend C tell you about it? What was the point?

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

Why did C tell you? What was the build up to it?

I don't understand why people have a problem walking into a pub or anywhere else on their own - but I accept that they do and I adjust my behaviour for them as they are friends. I either wait outside for them or they know to text me and I'll come out to meet them or whatever is appropriate at the venue we are meeting at.

The same way that they don't understand why I would want to be a non egg eating low carbing vegetarian, but don't arrange to meet at Tony's Steakhouse to accommodate me.

It's give & take.

Has A form for being a bitch and does B have form for being a sheep?

[BrokenLullaby]

Chipping

I don't expect my friends to wait outside for me, or come and meet me outside. It's really not that bad.

And I can even go up to a bar alone and order food and drink.

I just don't feel overly comfortable with walking into a place where I don't know if anyone is there yet or if it's a big place with different areas, I would prefer to know which area they are sat in instead of walking aimlessly around.

Meh I just don't like it and never thought it was a big deal.

My friend doesn't have this problem as she always has someone with her at the time.

She could have answered the call and even made a joke about me being silly - I wouldn't have cared. But to say why the hell is she ringing me and then tell another friend not to answer my call - has made me see her in a different light.