AIBU to think this is quite bitchy behaviour or am I just being over-sensitive?

[BrokenLullaby]

We had quite nice weather last week so a friend arranged for her, me and two other friends to meet up at a local pub for a drink after work.

We all live in the same town but they live very close together so they would have arranged to walk down together. I got there a little late as I have quite a long way to drive from work, had already told friend I could be late depending on traffic.

Anyway when I got there I assumed they would be sat outside, I drove by but couldn't see them and there was quite a lot of people there. This is going to sound pathetic but I'm not a very confident person and I don't like just walking into places by myself (silly I admit) so I thought I would ring them to make sure they were there.

Rang friend A - no answer, rang friend B - no answer, rang friend B again she picked up told me where they were and I went in to meet them. The signal is quite rubbish in that area so I didn't think anything of it.

Yesterday I went over to friend C's house for coffee and I was told that when I rang friend A she looked at her phone and went "why is she ringing me?" and then purposely didn't answer her phone.

When I rang friend B's phone, friend A said "Friend B don't answer it". When I rang again Friend C pretty much said - "what the hell is the problem just answer the phone" - which is the only reason my friend B did.

I was quite upset by it because if I could see them I wouldn't have been sat in my car trying to ring them I would have just gone straight over to them. And if it was the other way around I wouldn't have even hesitated answering my friends call - it would have been a non-issue.

Aibu to think Friend A's behaviour was quite bitchy and to a certain extent so was Friend B's or am I just being ridiculously over sensitive about it all?

[Morloth]

Sounds like C is playing games IMO.

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

That's what I was saying - it isn't a big deal. It's a little confusing to those of us that wouldn't give it a second thought, but you don't have to understand something to accommodate it.

Not only 'could' she have answered the phone, she 'should' have answered the phone - she was being a bitch and an even bigger bitch when she told B not to answer it either. Pathetic and I would seriously be questioning the friendship of both of them. Friends are supposed to enrich your life, not upset you.

[toomanyfionas]

If they all saw you drive up, then their phones started ringing, I can understand why they thought, "Why is she ringing?" But the next bit, "Don't answer it" is really off. Why in god's name not answer the phone to a friend?

I have often dialled a friend or had them call me when we are meeting, and often then seen each other while on the phone. It's a normal way to find each other.

I think friend a doesn't like you but uses passive aggressive carry on rather than be straight. I really don't understand why friend c told you though. Of course you are going to feel hurt.

I think you need new friends.

[BrokenLullaby]

I really dislike it when people says - get new friends.

Like it's as easy as going to the supermarket to get a different brand of bread.

It's not

[DolomitesDonkey]

Why won't/can't people walk in to a pub alone?

Do you all drink in Soho sex dens?

[garlicbargain]

OP, you are not being unreasonable and I can't see why posters on your thread have chosen to bully you into defending your choice to phone your friend! For fuck's sake, this is such a normal thing to do that it's a standing joke on TV shows when the person you're talking to turns up right in front of you! I do it all the time, and have no problem at all walking into crowded pubs. The last time I did it was inside a fairly large restaurant, where I couldn't see my friends sitting ... they were behind a large plant, next to me

That being established - Friend A is not your friend. I suspect C told you because A had been slagging you off & made C uncomfortable.

[garlicbargain]

(But you should probably check this story with B, in case C turns out to be a clever 'Wendy'.)

[marriedinwhiteisback]

If a and b were real friends they would know you well enough and accept your foibles; if C was a real friend she'd have kept it to herselfand made a little note to next time send you a little text to say "hurry up, uour drink's waiting and we're by the fireplace.

Can't help feeling friend C is the most unkind - that thought hasn't changed for me.

[Themarriedwoman]

So they saw you drive into the car park? In that case, I would also wonder why you were phoning!
Friend C sounds weird to be telling you. She clearly knows you have social anxieties and is winding you up

[Sirzy]

It sounds like there is a lot of childish behaviour all round.

I still don't understand what exactly friend c felt she was gaining by telling you? That is shit stirring!

[BaldricksTurnip]

God some of the replies on here are making me

Just because somebody feels a bit nervous about a situation doesn't mean that's an opportunity to get a leg up and use their vulnerability to illustrate how wonderful you are. 'Oh I don't need other humans ever, in fact I sailed around the world nine times on my tod!'

OP- yes Friend A sounds like a childish cow. You did nothing wrong.

[CaptainSweatPants]

How did we all cope without mobile phones ?!

[Lazyjaney]

Why didn't you ask friend C why she thought they did it? It would have been the first thing I'd have said after being told.

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

How did the conversation at C's house regarding the phone call ignoring start?.

[Hegsy]

Not sure why friend c felt the need to tell you but tbh me and my friends will all txt/call when we're meeting up depending on whos there first/last/running late etc

[ViviPru]

Yes, OP. You have said that you trust friend C completely, but haven't expanded on how her filling you in on the situation came about, was she telling you from an "isn't this awful" perspective, or, just flippantly in passing, or what? I think the circs/motivations surrounding her telling you are quite important in fathoming what's going on here.

[Nanny0gg]

I'm probably a lot older than most of you on this thread and I also hate walking into pubs/crowded situations on my own. Even (especially) if I know lots of the people there. Some people are shyer or more insecure than others.
It isn't that unusual, and I don't see why the OP has to have that part of her problem picked apart. If it doesn't apply to you, then consider yourselves lucky. And most people that know me think that I am extremely confident so you really can't tell who feels that way.

OP - on the face of it, A and B weren't good friends but don't make a definite judgement just yet. Are you planning to go out with them again?

[Laura0806]

I def think friend A and B were out of order. SO what if you don't like walking into pubs on your own, I know loads of women ( Im in my late 3's) who don't . It doesn't bother me but if I knew my friend didn't like it I would just pick up the flippin phone! I know what people were saying about C and why did she tell you and Im torn on this one, yes on the one hand all this trouble and worry on your part has been caused because she told you but then I would like to know the truth about my friends. I spent years wasting my time with a so called close friend who turned out had been unpleasant about me and others behind my back. Now if someone had told me years ago I would have been v grateful. Dont let it get you down. Im afraid some women can be bitchy in order to make themselves feel more secure, armed with the knowledge you now have Id be a bit more cautious with these women.

[MrsMinkBernardLundy]

I would give them the benefit of the doubt. they saw you drive in assumed you had seen them and wondered why you were phoning. assumed whatever it was could wait until you got to their table.
C told you because she thought it was a bit odd that they would not answer their phones and wanted your opinion on it rather than trying to stir it.

and just keep a bit of a weather eye on friend A.

[shellbot]

If this was a one off then YANBU.

But is it possible that you rely too much on friends rather than do things for yourself. I'm not saying you are but I have a friend who expects me to sort of look after her and I'm finding it a bit too much. For instance she won't drive anywhere even though she has a car because she 'doesn't like driving' so every time we go somewhere I drive. If we go to the pub she gets behind me when we walk in and doesn't like going to the bar so I have to do that as well. I do like her but I'm starting to feel like her mother.

I'm not saying you are as obviously I don't know but is it possible that you reply on them too much and they thought they'd not answer the phone so you can stand on your own feet?

[BrokenLullaby]

shlbot I'm really not some quivering wreck who has to have my hand held constantly.

We always take it in turns to drive places - and I drive by myself for 2 hours every single day getting to work on the motorway and ring road. It would never occur to me to get my friends to drive me places ever.

I can even walk up to the bar alone and order a drink, which I do in whatever place we're in. No matter if I've been there 100 times before or never.

I travelled on my own for 4 months, catching flights, buses, trains.

I don't have social anxieties and neither am I a hermit.

You know I try and take the answers on here gracefully because I asked the question in the first place. What does it bloody matter if I rang to see if friends were already there yet?

Gosh some of you are making it sound like I hide in my basement wait for a friend to come and pick me up, hold my hand getting out of the car, lead me to the table, go and order food and drink for me. Even walk me to the toilet and wait outside.

I'm a confident person but I just have a hangup about going into places and not knowing if friends are there yet or not. If they weren't I'd have no problem going in alone and saving us a table. And if they were inside then I'd prefer to know where they were sat so I can just go straight over.

[GrendelsMum]

Well, I guess if the problem isn't with you - and it sounds like you've considered it, and you're sure that it isn't - then unfortunately the problem must be with friends A, B and C. Friends A and B tried to avoid speaking to you, and friend C went out of her way to let you know that this had happened, and that she was the only one who had stuck up for you. I'm not sure where you can go from there. Maybe cool it off a bit and start spending more time with better friends?

[shellbot]

Jeez I was only asking. Why bother posting if you're going to get shirty about people's answers.

I never said you were a quivering wreck nor did I say you were a hermit. I simply asked a question.