To wonder why it takes men more than 5 minutes to have a poo??

[natwebb79]

Just that really. If you need one enough to go to the loo surely it shouldn't take that long?!?! (Obviously I'm not including people with bowel conditions in this).

[AKissIsNotAContract]

The male G spot is up the bum so they like to savour the feeling

[madmomma]

DH takes half an hr 3 times a day. It drives me bloody mad! It's always when the kids are at their worst too. He treats it like his get out of jail free card. Think I'll do the same thing and maybe give myself a manicure in the bathroom/have a kip in the empty bath instead.

[blanketyblank1]

Madmomma My DH is the same but more than 3 times a day! He admitted it was to get peace and quiet when I told him I was going to make an appointment with his GP as there must be something the matter with him!

[RemindMeWhatSleepIs]

DH used to take a good 45 mins to poo leaving me with 2 toddlers and a meal to cook. so I got my own back a few times and just locked myself in the bathroom and read a book (no pooing required) leaving DH with both children and he soon got the message! Sometimes men are a bit dense and don't realise that when they aren't at work we could do with some help.

[dogindisguise]

My DH can take ages (he reads). But he is rarely alone with a toddler and a baby so has that luxury.

[ToysRLuv]

DH was doing this before we had DC, as well. So, maybe it is an enjoyable experience.

[Blueberryveryberry]

I suspect the man in question is doing more than pooing.

[TiggyD]

Because men know that with the right diet and the appropriate internal squeezing it possible to produce a turd that looks uncannily like Noel Edmond's brother.

[natwebb79]

It turns out (according to him) that men are more likely to think. 'I might try and have a poo now' rather than actually going when they need one. Fair enough(?!).

[PhallicGiraffe]

It not unhygienic, because you usually read or play with your phone BEFORE you wipe your bum. Once you commence wiping, you hands get all minging, and then you wash your hand straight away. Hence the phone and/or book never gets covering in faecal matter. Hth.

[lottiegarbanzo]

I don't understand deciding to 'try' to have a poo when you don't need one. You feel you need one, or you don't. He's saying men are more likely to have spare time available to fill.

What he's admitting is that men are more likely to think 'I want to remove myself from this situation and get some private time, I know, I'll go and 'try' to have a poo, for half an hour'

[lottiegarbanzo]

So my suggestion would be that he gets some more rewarding hobbies!

[jumpingpillows]

At what point do men think that?

Because male children don't say "Mum I am going to sit on the toilet for half an hour and try to poo now!"

They play - need a shit - come in and do said shit, then go back out and play.

Simples.

[Sallystyle]

Mine goes three times a day for 20 minutes each time.

He doesn't read or play or wank, well not three times a day anyway, he just isn't that interested

I think he just does it for some peace.

[MardyBra]

BIL gets extraordinarily excited by the prospect of a post hot curry poo.

[LondonMan]

Not sure if men in general take longer than women, we need proper statistics.

For those men and women who take longer than average, I suppose the cause could be haemorrhoids giving a false sense that there's more to come.

A lump may also be felt in the anus and large haemorrhoids give a sensation that the bowel hasn't emptied completely.

www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/haemorrhoids.htm

[BlingBang]

It's just for the peace and quiet and so they don't have to cope with whinging weans.

[natwebb79]

I love how many opinions this has generated, haha!

[CoffeeandScones]

It's more than a bodily function. It's a time of quiet introspection, to look upon the world and assess your place in it, to plan the day ahead, to clear your mind and prepare to step back into the chaos of life.

That sculpure of "The Thinker"? He was on the pot.

[VianneFox]

it drives me up the bloody wall. My DH was in there for nearly an hour once

[CorrineFoxworth]

The Thinker

Of course he was! Have could I have not realised this before?

[DanicaJones]

I've wondered the same thing. We need a man to come on and explain.

[CorrineFoxworth]

Sadly they will not come en masse and say, "we are all having a leisurely wank afterwards" while you deal with the children and the house.

I have often questioned DH's "timing" which ALWAYS co-incides with the washing machine finishing

[CasperGutman]

We're just reading Mumsnet on our phones. We'll deny it if confronted, of course!

[Astr0naut]

dh likes about 3 in the morning on a weekend and 2 on a workday. He also likes a poo when he arrives home.

His favourite trick is pooing just before we leave, which adds to the time it takes to get out of the door.

When I was in labour with dc1, no one in dhs work could contact him-because he was pooing and didn't respond when people came looking for him!