Before I start I know this isn't a massive problem in the grand scheme of thing and a lot of people are going through a lot worse, but I'm really annoyed by this.
DH has always been notoriously crap at buying gifts, and last year for my 30th I got nothing, we were busy starting our own business and he said he didn't have the time or money to get me anything. I was so upset we had a massive row, and he vowed to do better.
When I had DS after a two day very traumatic labour he left the hospital to get me something, and came back with a box of strawberries! And not even a card to say well done, or I'm proud of you.
These have both really annoyed me and I'm not looking for a massive present, I'd rather he spent a tenner and picked something out for me.
Fast forward to my birthday this year and I stupidly thought he might buck himself up this time. A few days before my birthday he said he had thought we could go into town for something to eat and to the cinema and pick my present, he never organised a babysitter or tried to sort this and at short notice we had no one to ask.
When the day of my birthday came he never said happy birthday in the morning or even mentioned it when we spoke on the phone during the day, when he got home from and seen cupcakes on the table the penny dropped. He dashed out with DS to the local garage to buy a card, when he came back with it I refused to take them, he had basically forgot.
This is really pissing me off as it happens time and time again, and every time I pull him about it he get all upset with himself and is on the verge of tears, which pisses me off as it as if have to feel sorry for him.
He says he really tries but is just crap at things like that, and would rather I picked my present myself as hes afraid of getting the wrong thing. He has spoiled every big occasion for me. Our engagement was awful, he just handed me the box with the ring in it, he spoiled our wedding day by getting drunk and having a good time with his mates, he was too drunk to DTD and basically fell asleep during it. Our honeymoon was in an idyllic place over valentines day and he didn't even get me a card, or do anything special and wouldn't fork out for a meal on the beach as we were all inclusive and he didn't want to spend the extra money.
I don't want to come across as if I need big grand gestures, but something would be nice. He's great otherwise, he's an unreal father to our DS and does his fair share of housework, I'm 8 weeks pregnant at the minute and very sick and he is doing everything to help me out.
So AIBU in being upset over his behaviour on these occasions, as I feel he isn't showing any thought for me, or should I be thankful he's a great husband and father otherwise and just accept that he's crap at this type of thing?
AIBU?
AIBU about DH or do I need to just suck it up?
Morebirthdayblues · 20/08/2013 10:15
Feel like crying, just opened the card he got me from DS, it's a bloody Thomas the tank engine one!! He knows I love a 'mummy' card from DS, but obviously couldn't get one in the local garage!!
Seriously pissed off here 
Coldfeet
I want a card and flowers on the day. The flowers will not be from the shop that wraps them with black ribbon. I want you to buy and put candles on a cake. You can buy candles in Tesco, Asda, Sainsburys. I do not need a present on the day, but the next time I see something I'd like and ask if I can have it for my birthday, you buy it for me and don't walk off saying 'no, you don't need that' like I'm 4
And the irony of this is that you are treating him like a 4 year old. Do you seriously have to do this to get a grow man to buy a gift for the person he cares most about in the world 
Does he hold down a job? Because I cannot imagine that he is capable if he can't buy candles and cake without specific direction
DH always buys birthday and Christmas presents for his side of the family and I buy for mind, although the presents are giftwrapped from both of us.
If he forgets, I don't remind him. He has forgotton his mum's birthday in the past and got a bollocking from his dad, but I am not his parent, I am not there to police him.
He's a very capable man. I can rely on him and trust him to look after things which are his responsibility.
Personally, I'm not fussed about birthdays, especially cards but I know others like them so I buy them. Not to do so would be inconsiderate and I think that is what the real problem is here, OP.
Your dh just does not care enough about you to bother
Sorry but the way I'd look at it is - he doesn't care enough about your feelings to buck his ideas up.
It's all very well him being all "upset with himself" ( 
) and "tearful" (double ) but if he was that bothered he'd make sure it didn't happen wouldn't he? So the waterworks wouldn't impress me much.
As for reminding him every day for two weeks - WTF?? Do these men have to be reminded to brush their teeth and wash? To go to work? That's the most pathetic thing I've ever heard. A present I'd had to basically badger and beg someone to buy me isn't a present I'd want to receive, thanks.
Nothing you do is going to make him care enough about your feelings to change, so in your shoes I'd just accept it and stop getting any cards/presents for him.
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