AIBU or is DH re work

[hannibalismisunderstood]

Hi,

DH works in a small healthcare setting and a little while ago a vacancy came up that would be his line managers line manager. I thought it looked perfect for me and so I applied... I haven't heard if I have been shortlisted for interview but DH is now saying it would be a conflict of interest and he feels uneasy about it and wants me to withdraw my application...

AIBU is saying no, I won't or is DH BU for asking me to?

[ratbagcatbag]

Good luck. It seriously sounds like he has issues with you earning more than him but can't be arsed to do anything about it.

My dh can't wait for me to earn more as he's twenty years older than me and we have a five month old. If we can clear the mortgage in 8 years he wants part time and dealing with school runs etc. :)

[ChimeForChange]

Good luck OP!

And if you get job offers go for the one you WANT not the one you're pressured in to!!

Cannot believe there were posters saying.... "ifhe doesn't want you to be his boss you should respect that" !!

[KeatsiePie]

Good luck with both!

[maddening]

Good luck!

[TheDoctrineOfJetlag]

Good luck for both!

[hannibalismisunderstood]

thank you everyone... things have been better but we haven't discussed this at all so perhaps that has contributed to it. I think I will tell him as he will be working that day and it will be worse to not disclose it but probably not until the weekend...

I have another interview for a different job tomorrow too so am feeling reasonably positive! must prepare for that one now :D

Will keep you all updated

[encyclogirl]

Good luck at the interview!

[Merel]

Where I work, it states in the HR handbook that people in a relationship or family members can't manage one another. Might be worth checking.

[HeathcliffeItsMe]

Good luck with the interview.

[ChasedByBees]

Are you still seeing him as STBX? Not that it matters, I wouldn't tell him either way TBH.

This company is:

• one you introduced him to
  
• one you are specially trained for
  
• one he wants to leave (but is too lazy to get off his arse and do something about it)
  
  Of course you should go for the job. If he really feels that strongly then he should take it as his impetus to follow his dreams and do something different, but something tells me he is the type who would rather just sit and complain that he hasn't had as many chances, it's too hard, it's your fault (for no specific reason) whine whine whine...

[DontmindifIdo]

I would tell him, because he'll look a tit if the person interviewing you says "oh, I've got your wife in for interview today" and he doesn't know anything about it.

If you get it, then you make the decision. If not, it's good interview practice.

[WaitMonkey]

Just read this thread for the first time. Your dh sounds pathetic to be honest. Good luck with the interview, when is it ? I'd be making plans to LTB if I where you. Good luck.

[attheendoftheday]

Good luck with the interview. Personally I'd tell your d p (because you have nothing to hide) but be ready to ignore his whinging. I wouldn't judge you for keeping it a secret, though.

[KeatsiePie]

Hey that's great!!

Since you're uncertain about the future of your marriage (I'm really sorry about that) I would not use it as the basis of your decision. I.e., you might feel like you are or are not going to divorce today, but that might change, b/c there's so much emotion involved and it can take a while to say for sure whether a marriage is over.

Instead, I think telling him/not telling him should depend on how his reaction will affect you. If he's going to throw a fit and drain your energy such that you go into the interview distracted and unprepared, then don't tell him.

Another factor: will he see you when you go in to interview?

[TempusFuckit]

Wow, just read this thread for the first time. Good luck, I really hope you get it. And definitely don't tell him. Will the company tell him/ask him about you do you think?

[nowwearefour]

When is the interview? Is your marriage poss back on again? If so, tell him in the spirit of openness. If not, none of his business!

[diddl]

I'd what & see if you are offered a place tbh.

[hannibalismisunderstood]

Well I have an interview so now the key decision is do I tell DH before the interview or wait until after??

[hannibalismisunderstood]

thank you everyone....

I know that there isn't a mistress at work, I am friends with one of his co-workers and still connected via my research and so something would have gotten back to me, plus I trust him 100% on that - he despises cheating and has shown no signs that would make me suspect this...

He was better last night, we agreed not to discuss this anymore until I have an interview and am potentially offered a job there.... I will let you guys know if I get an interview!

[MrsRochestersCat]

If there was a COI the unit would not have taken STBEXH on in the first place - when OP was there previously. If the unit believe there is a COI at this point in time then they won't progress OP's application.

Besides, people will tolerate even the worst examples of nepotism so long as the related employees can do their job well.

OP, don't base your life decisions on what other people may or may not think about the situation!!

If you were my sister I would advise you to go for the interview regardless of anything else - if they offer you the job that is when you decided if it is right for you.

[CSIJanner]

It's not a conflict of interest if there's full disclosure and if OP's company and her own direct line manager makes it clear that she has no authority over her husband even via his line manager.

[tinkertitonk]

This is an obvious COI. If you can't see this then certainly other employees will see it and call it nepotism whenever they are denied promotion.

[FreeWee]

Glad you haven't withdrawn but sorry to hear this is the straw that broke the camel's back. Fingers crossed for an interview. Do let us know!

[MrsRochestersCat]

I wondered about a mistress too :(