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AIBU?

To think DS (4) should wear a life jacket on a canal boat?

111 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 25/07/2013 20:26

Ok, genuinely looking for your opinions as I freely admit I can be a paranoid Mum.

ExP & his parents regularly take our DS (4) on the family canal boat, sometimes just for short trips sometimes for longer holidays. They actively encourage him to help with the locks etc & he has free run. None of the adults onboard can swim (they never learned) & DS told me today that since he putgrew his infant life jacket 2 years ago they haven't bought him a new one.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to have (& wear) a life jacket?

Would like your thoughts before I raise it with ExP

OP posts:

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pigletmania · 26/07/2013 08:23

Really it does not matter if ex is his dad, that's irrelevant if he is putting his sons life in danger and exposing him to dangerous situations. Definitely cut contact if he continues this

pinkr · 26/07/2013 08:25

I'm a strong swimmer but I would always wear a life jacket or aid when sailing...on a boat it is so easy to be knocked out when you are hit on the head. Also the weight of clothing means that even a good swimmer will fatigue easily. I have also known a grown man who fell into a Marina and downed because lifting a heavy weight out of even calm water is very difficult.
Yanbu!

Solopower1 · 26/07/2013 08:26

How difficult for you. The trouble is that even if you buy him a life jacket, your exP and parents might not make him wear it, and could think you are criticising their parenting (which you are doing in a way).

I've been in this position myself, but not with life jackets, particularly. My ex took a lot of risks with the children when they were in his care. I think he did it on purpose to scare me.

I think the best thing to do is to try to get on as well as possible with your ex and his family, and to build up trust over the years. If it's a complete culture-clash, as this seems to be - and especially if there is resentment on their side - you insisting on physical safety measures when the child is in their care could put their back up.

But I do think it's a great idea to buy him a life jacket and ask them, up front, to get him to wear it. Say it worries you to death that he might fall in, and could they do it for your peace of mind? I think my ex PILs might have responded to an appeal like that (especially as they knew their son was a dare-devil). At the very least they might agree to have it on the boat. And it's a good idea to get your son to want to wear it.

And teach your son to swim, asap!

Solopower1 · 26/07/2013 08:27

And while you're about it, get him a helmet for the dirt bike ...

Good luck.

curlew · 26/07/2013 08:32

The problem is that some people who have been around boats all their lives do forget the dangers. What's the expression - "familiarity breeds contempt"? I know I sometimes do silly things around horses that I shouldn't- and think "oh, shit , that was stupid" afterwards.

I would buy a new life jacket- one of the very light, high techy ones if you can run to it- the write a friendly letter to the PILs, saying that ex-p has told you about the grown out of life jacket and you have provided a new one- could they make sure it's worn.

curlew · 26/07/2013 08:34

And don't, whatever you do, let the fact that he has learned to swim(when he does) allow you or them to relax. In my opinion, being able to swim in a swimming pool in swimming trunks makes sod all difference if a small child falls in to deep cold water unexpectedly in clothes.

TweedWasSoLastYear · 26/07/2013 08:45

Life Jacket for him, get him to choose it. See if you can find one thats 'cool' or 'awesome' , then he will want to wear it as opposed to hate it withh a passion.
Swimming lessons also. Explain to staff you want ds to be able to swim fully clothed in open water.
See if you can get digi pics emailed of him 'helping open a lock' , see if he is wearing his life jacket.
Canal locks are dangerous places and many people are hurt in silly accidents each year.

I wouldn't let him go with no competant swimming adults . I wouldn't be able to sleep and couldnt contemplate what might happen , a 4 yo is too small to understand risk and danger .

cuillereasoupe · 26/07/2013 08:51

I knew a bloke who drowned rescuing a 6-year-old who had lived on a barge all his life (the kid drowned as well). Once you're in the water, you're easily dragged under the boat and there's absolutely no way out. Plus in a lock you can get crushed.

There must be public information films on this you can show your ex.

exoticfruits · 26/07/2013 08:56

I know an adult who nearly drowned in a lock- he wouldn't have stood a chance as a 4yr old.

sussexmum38 · 26/07/2013 08:57

There is no question about it that is folly and madness to even question why he wouldn't be wearing a life jacket. One of the most no brainer questions ever.

jendot · 26/07/2013 08:58

We went on a narrow boat with 2 kids, then 8 & 10 both are competent swimmers. Ds 10 fell in while we were going at full speed. He was fully dressed and wearing a life vest. As when he fell in the boat kept on moving..by the time we had stopped, reversed ( ensuring we didn't get him with the prop) and fished him out he was in the water for at least 5 minutes. He was struggling to stay afloat let alone swim. Had he not been in a life vest one of us would have had to jump in after him to help.
Ds 2 fell in while we were moored, he had gone out on deck in the evening and decided it would be fun to walk along the side! I was making tea and heard a splash and some commotion. I shouted to ds what was going on and didn't get a response..I didn't think much of it or 30 secs or so then it sort of niggled and I went on deck to see what ds was up to and there he was madly treading water (drowning) in the canal..he wasn't wearing a life vest and would have been unlikely to have been able to get out by himself!!! Very scary!
Always insist on a life jacket!

Emilythornesbff · 26/07/2013 09:14

What curlew said.

And if they cannot reassure you that the LJ will be worn then don't let him go.
Simple.
And legally defensible.

Emilythornesbff · 26/07/2013 09:15

Oh god. So sorry to hear of ppl's sad and scary stories.
Hiding thread now. Hormones not allowing me to cope.
Good luck op.

SuperiorCat · 26/07/2013 09:27

Totally unanimous YANBU.

DS sails with cadets. Self conscious teens, full of bravado and testosterone, experienced on the water and strong swimmers, they still ALL wear a life jacket.

onedogandababy · 26/07/2013 09:58

It's also not just about being able to swim in a pool in clothes. Canals are full of reeds/weeds, fishing line, rubbish etc.
Having holidayed many times on narrowboats and cleaned the prop, I wouldn't fancy the chances of a panicky non swimmer not get tangled and pulled under.
Hope you get them to see sense op.

CSIJanner · 26/07/2013 10:02

Oh - and if they try to argue a swimming float jacket, shut them down. They help children float but do not keep their heads upright. The three children that died canoeing in Scotland last year wore swim floats. It has to be a life jacket.

TBH it should really be made law.

curlew · 26/07/2013 10:09

Sorry- something else. I think I would want an active 4 year old to be clipped on as well on a narrow boat, unless one of the adults sole job was looking after him.

QuinionsRainbow · 26/07/2013 10:20

YANBU - even if he can swim.

cory · 26/07/2013 11:47

Sailor here too and strong swimmer and always go out surrounded by family of life savers- and I wear a life jacket! I'd be a fool not to.

I always read the newspaper reports on people drowning when I go home (very sea and lake orientated country) and apart from toddlers drowning in ponds they invariably fall into two main categories: retired fishermen and young/middle-aged men who have been drinking. In order words, of all the people in the world the two categories who are least likely to have been taking any kind of safety precautions.

Viviennemary · 26/07/2013 11:51

YANNNNBU. I wouldn't be happy about all the adults being non-swimmers either. I don't think anyone his disagreed. Must be first time ever!

NorbertDentressangle · 26/07/2013 11:52

YANBU.

I can't believe that none of the adults on the boat with your DS make him wear one . I mean, you're always going to get the odd person who says "they'll be fine, they won't fall in" and to have that "it won't happen to us" attitude but for all of your ex's family to be saying that is crazy.

scratchandsniff · 26/07/2013 12:05

Oh my god they're completely mad and bloody selfish. Buy him a lifejacket yourself if they won't get one. I bet you could pick up a child's one secondhand.

There is no way on earth I would allow a child onboard without one. The risk in my opinion is too much.

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MiaowTheCat · 26/07/2013 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allmycats · 26/07/2013 13:40

If the other people on the boat cannot swim then I would NEVER let him go with them even with a life jacket on.

I would not him let him go again as i do not think you can trust them.

Crinkle77 · 26/07/2013 15:53

As none of them can swim yanbu. If he were to fall over board then no one would be able to recue him. Buy him a new one yourself and insist it gets worn. Have you thought about starting to teach your child to swim so as he gets older he will hopefully be able to recue himself

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