To wonder why some men feel the need to insult women?

[dontcallmehon]

I used to get a lot of male attention when I was younger - both 'positive' (if intimidating - catcalls etc and also negative, hostile reactions. Simply for existing, I think. I don't get it so much, now - I dress quite casually and have a few years experience of life, so don't come across as quite so vulnerable.

However, today I was walking past a group of lads who I could see were out to insult passers by. One of them laughed and said: 'pretty ugly' as I walked past. Now I am not ugly (not that it matters!) but I am an attractive, nicely dressed woman who clearly takes care of her appearance. Even if I didn't - what makes these men think that the way a woman looks has anything at all to do with them?

AIBU to wonder why you would want to insult and intimidate someone who is simply going about their daily life? Luckily I have high self esteem and I am very confident about the way I look - but I could imagine some women being really upset by this kind of thing .

[glenthebattleostrich]

I did actually ask a bloke recently why they do this after he shouted 'weyhey, you've got big tits' whilst I was crossing the road with my dd.

I even offered several possible explanations for his shouting - did he think I had not noticed this morning that I do indeed have large breasts? Did he get some kind of thrill from shouting sexual comments in front of 3 year olds? Or did he just have a really small penis and want to feel better about himself? He couldn't answer strangely enough and kept trying to walk away. As he was wearing a logo'd top for the company he worked for I called to ask them if they could find out for me.

Can you tell that after 15 years of this shit I'm finally getting pissed off with it?

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

I have responded to these comments with a high and mighty, snootily delivered ' dahling I have neither asked for nor need your approval on how I look or act so please do keep your opinions to yourself and I will do likewise' if that fails the mumsnet 'ODFOD' works a treat

[SoleSource]

YABU

[Splitheadgirl]

A lot of men seem to like nothing more than to 'bond' over casual misogyny. My DH was driving through town one summer afternoon, and he saw a drunk, skinny (and pasty, revolting looking liitle man) leave where he was sitting with his 'mates' outside a pub, and chase after a beautiful girl. DH was sitting at lights and heard this guy mock the girl, laughing at her and making stupid gestures. Anyway, DH was so incensed he shouted like crazy outside the door window, then pulled up and got out. He went after the guy who acted like he thought MY Dh was the idiot!!!

I think men like that are useless, attention starved nobodies.

[PoppettyPing]

Street harassment generally never has anything to do with attractiveness. It's an intimidation tactic used by misogynist men, to demonstrate their perceived entitlement to public space. It's an easy way to dominate and intimidate, and it's fucking disgusting. Not to mention it ties in with the expectation that women exist purely as objects to be appraised and found wanting.

[Burmobasher]

Agreed, it's an intimidation tactic. I was on a night out with a mate once and a group of young lads actually barked in her face when we were just walking down the street.
Nasty.

[TroublesomeEx]

When I was in my early twenties I walked past a group of younger teenage lads (probably around 14/15) and one of them shouted "my mate wants to show you his dick" or "my mate wants you to suck his dick" or something like that. Either way, it involved me becoming intimate by this boy's penis.

So I just shouted back that they should come and find me in a few years when he'd been through puberty and had something to show me.

They clearly thought that was a good comeback because they all fell about laughing!

[grumpyoldbat]

Yanbu I am ugly but find it very depressing to be reminded of the fact. I guess they are too stupid to realise that avoiding being offended by my looks is not to look at me. I do try and help by being as unobtrusive as possible.

[SoleSource]

grumpy you're not ugly!

[dontcallmehon]

Care to expand Sole Source? You're entitled to find me unreasonable - I'd be interested in your view on this.

Can't believe how many of us have had similar experiences with obnoxious idiots.

[SoleSource]

Oh don't be silly!

[dontcallmehon]

I take everything too literally.

[ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm]

Ignorant, sad cowards. DP gets shit like this. Strangely enough not when we are together. If men got this low level harrassment on a regular basis, things would be very different.

[ParsleyTheLioness]

This gets right on my tits. I am over 50 now, so a tad bored with it all. One explanation, mentioned before, is that this sort of comment comes from the Disposessed. I no longer care why, I'd just like it not to be an issue. I don't care what your problems are, it doesn't excuse you behaving like a twat.

[Scarletohello]

Bloody hell! Some of you should post these comments on the Everyday Sexism Project website, they're appalling...

[HeyIJustMetYou]

Is the 'banter' culture of the youth of today. You can seemingly insult anyone in the most vile way possible and then feign shock when the object of the insult is offended claiming 'is just for the bants love innit'. society has reached a nadir.

[ParsleyTheLioness]

I don't think it is just of today. Lot of it about in the 70's onwards

[stickingattwo]

You know where you should be putting your stories about this? Heard of the everyday sexism project? Empowering, sharing, liberating - go see and put your experiences there and get heard
www.everydaysexism.com
@everydaySexism if you're on Twitter - they named and shamed the horribles blokes taking a pop at the new Wimbledon champion for not being, well, whatever they thought she should be other than an amazing athlete...

[HeyIJustMetYou]

I should add this is not a male only thing. a lot of the youth of both genders find this sort of inexplicable behaviour to be part of the wooing ritual.

[HeyIJustMetYou]

I should add this is not a male only thing. a lot of the youth of both genders find this sort of inexplicable behaviour to be part of the wooing ritual.

[EstelleGetty]

I hate overheating casual misogynistic remarks made by men who wouldn't holler at a woman in the street and present themselves as decent. It's so obvious that many of them do it because they feel challenged or threatened or the woman in question just doesn't conform to their notions of what a woman 'should' be.

They insult her looks because they reckon that's her most vulnerable point, what would hurt her most if said to her face. They're too dumb to realise we value ourselves on a lot more than looks. I've had both the pervy comments and the ugly comments over the years. It used to bother me but now I just pity them for making themselves look so stupid for saying these things.

[EstelleGetty]

Overhearing, not overheating, sorry!

[ParsleyTheLioness]

I used to wonder why, but now I don't much care. I think it takes energy away from the issue. Some things are just wrong. They know they are wrong on some level, they wouldn't want it done to their partners or family. So just stop it!

[dontcallmehon]

I bet some of them do talk like this to their partners.