To wonder why some men feel the need to insult women?

[dontcallmehon]

I used to get a lot of male attention when I was younger - both 'positive' (if intimidating - catcalls etc and also negative, hostile reactions. Simply for existing, I think. I don't get it so much, now - I dress quite casually and have a few years experience of life, so don't come across as quite so vulnerable.

However, today I was walking past a group of lads who I could see were out to insult passers by. One of them laughed and said: 'pretty ugly' as I walked past. Now I am not ugly (not that it matters!) but I am an attractive, nicely dressed woman who clearly takes care of her appearance. Even if I didn't - what makes these men think that the way a woman looks has anything at all to do with them?

AIBU to wonder why you would want to insult and intimidate someone who is simply going about their daily life? Luckily I have high self esteem and I am very confident about the way I look - but I could imagine some women being really upset by this kind of thing .

[mercury7]

i think alot of them are just 'knucledraggers'
who act out of blind instinct and never stop to question themselves or reflect on what they do.

Surely there are thinking men out there?

[TheArmadillo]

I go on a weight loss forum, it's depressing how many women give the reason as to why they put the weight back on after losing it, is that they couldn't cope with this kind of aggression from men. Having been very fat myself for a long time and then having lost most of it I know what they mean.

When you are very big you often become invisible, or the comments aimed at you are not of a sexual nature. When you lose the weight, even men who have known you for a long time start looking you up and down, making comments. Add to that the sexual aggression from this kind of wanker and it is hard not to go back to being 'safe' by putting the weight back on. How fucking depressing is that? It's hard to deal with your body apparently being public property, but apparently that is what many men think women's bodies are.

Also the amount of women who put weight on as a result of sexual abuse in order to protect themselves. One woman said she knew if she was big no one would be physically able to move her or drag her into a car (as has happened previously).

It's fucking awful that women are made to feel like this and that it isn't seen as a big problem as a whole. I have lost respect for several men I know as a result of me losing weight.

[Pagwatch]

It's actually not just about women.
Try walking around town with a young man with SN.

There is a sub section of young men who's entire self worth is wrapped up in 'owning' wherever they are by being randomly vile to anyone they see as a target.
Personally I am reaching the point where I would like a big gun.

[equinox]

Personally I would just ignore the mindless twats who have to stoop so low in order to make themselves feel important and give themselves something to do....!

Shows how lowminded and meanspirited some people can be - it is for us to feel sorry for them in a way.

[bragmatic]

peer group pressure + insecurity.

[RoxyFox211]

One time me and my friend were walking on the pavement next to a main road going through town and (kid you not) too lads slowed down their car, one reached out the window & smacked my mates bum then they drove off laughing. Another time when I was drinking on the beach a lad shouted out to me that I "looked like I'd fallen out of Marilyn mansons ass" I still don't know what that was meant to mean. But I was so stoned and pissed I started laughing and couldn't stop - not the reaction they were hoping for- and things got quite hairy for a while. One got their cock out & threatened to piss on my mates head . People....

[Splitheadgirl]

dontcallmehon, he thinks and KNOWS you are above him, and that is why he is trying to bring you down.

These poor entitled males don't know what to do when confronted with a smart, beautiful, has-it-together woman, because the little shits were taught to believe THEY are supposed to be better and superior.

So they do the one and only thing they do well...insult her.

[ParsleyTheLioness]

There seems a suprising amount of knuckle-draggers around unfortunately.

[dontcallmehon]

Odd that a lout on the street would think I was beneath him.

[Splitheadgirl]

My DH says he doesn't like a lot of other men because of how so many of them treat women. Thank God for him, because otherwise I do think I would believe all men are devolving, thick little shits.

[ParsleyTheLioness]

Next time. And there will be a next time...I shall respond with one of the following:
'Bless you, you're not very bright are you?'
'Your mother must be so proud'.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

I seem to remember a thread that said something along the lines of ' I already have one arsehole in my knickers, why would I want another' as a response to some crass proposition from a random on the street, seem to remember giggling at the time and hoping to remember it if ever the need arose.

[MonkeyGoneToHeaven]

Walking through town a few years ago with my mate, a couple of blokes passed us and one looked at me and said 'if you lost 10lb you'd be alright, love'. My mate shouted at the top of her voice, 'I'd rather have a fat arse than a fat head, you wanker!' She was trying to help but I didn't really think I had a terribly fat arse, I was a size 12! Best intentions though!

[JustinBsMum]

Wastes of space. The lot of them. Bullying, as that is the only way they can feel big.

[grumpyoldbat]

My theory is that as a society we measure success by how many people are beneath us rather than what we have actually done. Therefore people have an incentive to put others down to ensure they're successful. The best people to choose are those who are easily identifiable as different from you. So men often choose women to humiliate.

[Allthingspretty]

I reckon people who do this see it as a case of "The best form of defense is to attack" attitude. People decide to get it in there first so that othera dont attack them.

[Spikeytree]

Did anybody listen to Laura from the Every Day Sexism project on Jeremy Vine's show today?

This is a link to the Radio 2 facebook page, if you have an account, scroll down a bit and you can see some of the charming comments left by listeners. I despair.

[Flobbadobs]

mercury7 kind of, certainly being sober when other people have been drinking gives you an awareness that they lack, but to be honest on that occasion I just saw red. There were loads of small children around, it was hot and I just gave it back. I was probably lucky in that they were shocked and presumably they realised that they were in serious trouble when I pointed out that the hi vis jackets they were wearing had the company name all over them. Mentioning that DH was the man who hired them was probably a smart move too..

[mercury7]

'Ironically these are the same hypocritical morons who would not hesitate to take offence if they heard someone talking to their girlfriend/wife in that manner'
CuChullain isnt this essentially because the moron regards his wife/gf as his property and so if someone insults her they are taking liberties with his property.

It's not that he (hypocritically) respects his wife but doesnt respect other women, rather that, in defending 'his' women he is defending his own honour

[mercury7]

Flobbadobs presumably working in bars & clubs means that you know how to handle thes sorts of situations and have good instincts for who can be safely challenged and who might turn nasty?

I think alot of women would be reluctant to retaliate in case a man turned aggressive..whether or not this is the best approach I have no idea

[CuChullain]

Good for you flob!! Sweet revenge indeed!

I remember when I was out running with Mrs CuChullain and she wanted to do a sprint finish so dashed off ahead for the last 500 meters or so while I just jogged on behind. She finished her sprint and started to stretch her self down, she was so far ahead of me that it looked like she was on her own which is why a couple of twats on a nearby bench drinking cans of beer thought they could be abusive. She ignored it which then prompted one of the blokes to get up and invade her personal space, asking her name, making comments about her tits, he eventually grabbed his nuts, and start giving it the "I bet you want some of this...." banter. By this stage I was not far away, I could see and hear what was happening, the obvious discomfort of Mrs CuChullain and was furious, I also thought it would be a great opportunity for a bit of impromptu rugby training so basically sprinted at him full tilt and shoulder charged him into the river, the tide was out so he just got covered in slime and mud. I asked his mate if he had anything he wished to add to the conversation and he just shook his head. Yes I know violence is not the answer to everything, but sometimes its the only language these knobs understand, I was a little bit in the dog house afterwards.

[Flobbadobs]

Tbh I'm usually very quiet and unassuming but after a few years of working bars in nightclubs and rather rough pubs I can still channel the inner tough woman and put people in their places!

[happyreindeer]

I think most people feel more cocky when they have their friends around them. Get them by themselves they might be completely different but still...wankers.

[grumpyoldbat]

That's brilliant flob takes me all my strength to avoid giving them the satisfaction of crying in front of them. The best I've managed is s screaming at one 'stop looking then and you'll stop feeling sick'