to want people to stop shortening my name? (first world issues!)

[lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain]

I have a very traditional, slightly long name. Without specifically mentioning it, it's the name of a former British queen who wore black a lot.

So why, without me asking, do people feel the need to shorten it? It drives me mad. For the record, I have no problem with other people who choose to use said name. However, when I was at primary school (oh yes, it goes back that far) there was a girl who was actually called the short form and she was an absolute cow. Since then, I've really hated being called it.

What's worse, is now it's people in a business context doing it. I would never shorten someone's name unless there was an 'oh, please call me xxx' or they signed their emails that way.

AIBU to be irrationally irritated by this?

I have the opposite problem in that I use the shortened version of my name. It is a common nickname for 2 names, one quite popular, one less so. Mine is the less common/slightly foreign version. Lots of clever people like to assume what my name is and instead of calling me by the nickname which i use to introduce myself/sign/on business cards etc...they take it upon themselves to (incorrectly) call me by the popular longer version. When I correct them, 9 times out of 10 I get a disdainful look and a 'ohhh, get you!' response.

IT'S MY EFFING NAME. I AM NOT TRYING TO SHOW OFF OR BE 'EXOTIC', I AM JUST CORRECTING YOU BECAUSE YOU GOT IT WRONG!!! it drives me mad.

HooverFairy, when parents name their child Evelina, say, purely to please the grandparents, but call her Eva all her life, and put Eva down as the "known as" name at registration, or name their child Patrick James but always call him Jim, and put Jim down as the "known as" name at registration, what right has the teacher to impose Evelina or Patrick on them?

Do you know how alienating and uncomfortable it feels to be called by a name you don't recognise, or associate with unpleasant situations, and be obliged to accept it? If an adult feels uncomfortable with being called by the wrong name, how much worse for a 5-6-7yo? I have been that child, myself.

I have a shortish name that's quite difficult to shorten, which my parents did deliberately. As a child I was always full name

Since moving to Wales everyone shortens it to a horrible or syllable NOISE!

Nicknames are fine but not a random noise please!

I do see your point ILoveAFullFridge but honestly, it's difficult to remember which children have shortened names and which don't. Clearly, there are obvious ones so yes, if the parent has stated a shortened version as a preferred name then it should be used, but out of politeness the full name should be used when in doubt. Some parents have short memory's when it comes to those forms though, I know I usually use the full name unless I know that the parents are definitely in agreement. And it is not possible to know the preferred name of every student in a large school.

I think there are worse things than being called your full name, some names which can't be shortened are worse. But if your parents informed the school then your teachers should have been thoughtful enough to use your shortened name.

I've never understood this thing of putting one name on a birth certificate and then calling the child by a completely different name. I know people do it to appease grandparents, but calling a baby Patrick James, for example and then calling him James everyday, negates any purpose in having the Patrick there in the first place - it's only a tribute to a relative if you actually use it.

I hate it, especially when you get asked "who am I speaking to" give full name and they automatically shorten it. Is it because they think they're being friendly. No one close to me shortens my name, usually colleagues who don't know me very well.

YANBU.

I too have a name like that and I am for ever telling people that it's [MY NAME] not [SOMEONE ELSE'S NAME WHICH IS A FEW LETTERS OUT OF MINE]. It makes me very that people think they're being friendly. They're not - they're being rude and I automatically mark them down in my personal tally of how nice a person they are.

Though last week I was on a telecon with a shorter version and there was someone getting a bit confused as to who was which and I cut him a tiny bit of slack.

I have this with my name. It's a long name, which has a reasonably common two syllable shortening. I don't mind people using that, but it's when they use a one syllable shortening that bothers me. My best friend uses it and it's fine, but that's because it's my best friend!

YABU. Get over yourself, queenie. I don't give a toss what people call me (as long as it's not rude!).

It doesn't bother me but I would never do it to others as I know some people can't stand it, it does suggest an intimacy that isnt always there.some people do seem do get disproportionately upset about it though

I'm sorry but it does amuse the hell out of me when people say "My DC is called Samuel but no-one may call him Sam because I don't like it."

Yep, good luck with that. You are in for many, many years of seething.

YANBU! I get the opposite - I have a shorter version of a potentially longer name and for the last thirty-odd years, I've been addressed by the longer version, particularly by people in positions of authority. Honestly, you'd think they'd have the courtesy to respect that I know my own name and consequently introduce myself as such!

Anyway, another one here who feels your pain.

I agree Yoni

I hate name shortening. Out of my whole family (which is about as big as 3 football teams) there is only one person who shortens their name.

Calling someone Matt if they say their name is Mathew i think is actually changing that persons name completely.

I have a name that can be shortened, along the lines of Melissa/Mel. I prefer the long version, can't even sign my name off the shortened version, it just doesn't look right.

I don't mind people calling me the shortened version if they know me and I hate it when people who are in a professional level or who I've just met call me it straight away.

It's rude to assume someone wants to use the shortened version if they've used the full version to introduce themselves.

My name is like Catherine. I get called Catherine when I'm in trouble, Cathy day to day (including my work email address!) and Cath by those I like and trust. I'm not aware of shortening people's names by default, but the only person I can think of that does actually use their full name is my little cousin (eg Thomas, not Tom) I was 15 when he was born, and he was introduced as "Thomas. Not Tom, Thomas". He's still Thomas 12 years later! Or have a name like my mums, which in its only possible abbreviation sounds like a delicate, ladylike sneeze!

Yanbu! It's very rude for people to automatically assume that it's ok to shorten your name, especially when you have deliberately introduced yourself with the long name.

OP - as an aside, I love the third shortening of your name! We had your name on our list for dd and if we had used it, we would definitely have used that shortening. The main reason that we didn't use it as we aren't keen at all on the two more common shortenings.

Why don't you just say "We are not amused" with a grim look on your face?

Yanbu.

My name is only two syllables. I have always hated it being shortened. I live in Cardiff but my friends from elsewhere in Wales really struggle with the idea that shortening it isn't ok. Welsh people - they'll add syllables where they shouldn't be at any available opportunity and yet are damn determined you'll have a nickname is what I've learnt

I have a 4 syllable name and it drives me crazy when people shorten it to a name I don't use so yanbu.

It's more common for my name to be shortened to the first two syllables but in Scotland it's reasonably common to shorten it to a version of the last two syllables (I live in England now). I don't mind being called long name or end short name but I think it's rude to immediately shorten a name when you've just met someone. I also don't want to be known as 3 different names and didn't have much choice as to which shortened version my parents chose.

I'd actually rather be known as the long name but it seems about 30 years too late and I think it would seem a bit pretentious. My short name is a bit naff but it's mine - and even though I know this I still get a bit prickly when people tell me it's a horrid name and I should use the long version or a different short. What is wrong with people that they think saying this to someone's face is ok?

YANBU. my name has two shortened versions, one I hate but is most popular, the other I love. No matter how many times I introduce myself as one, I end up as the other. Glad I gave my DC names that cannot easily be shortened.

YANBU
My dd is called Elizabeth, but has always been known as Lizzy, which I love. She is named after a Lizzy who was very special to me. However, I HATE It being shortened to Liz. She's only 3, but I'm going to train her to say "Lizzy not Liz" to anyone who tries to shorten it.

You are not unreasonable! One of my sisters is called 'Ginny' and has had people insist on calling her 'Virginia'. It's actually short for 'Ginevra' which she fucking hates and would not wish to tell people. She gets really pissed off with having to tell people 'Don't call me Virginia - it's not my name!'.

YANBU. That would really irk me.

My parents deliberately chose names for us that couldn't be shortened

I always reply how people sign themselves off. Or if no sign off (bit rude) then the name in the email address e.g. [email protected] if he signed himself Andy he'd get Andy back, otherwise Andrew. My email is the shortened version of my name because I prefer it and passionately dislike my full name But equally you are perfectly entitled to expect people to use your full name if that's what you call yourself. It's your name; you get to decide! There's a woman at work called Elizabeth who is only Elizabeth. I watched a colleague call her Liz. The face that launched 1000 cats' bums!