AIBU to feel prejudiced against by the school because we work?

[NoWayNoHow]

DH works full-time long hours, I work 5 days a week PT hours to fit in with school. I thought that this would be ideal as it enables me to drop DS and collect him every day, which is brilliant.

However, I've been really disappointed in his first year of school at how many things I've had to miss because of when they're scheduled.

Every important school assembly (including Nativity, Harvest festival, etc) - 9:45am
Every talk on literacy/numeracy/how to support your child better at home - 2pm
Every school picnic/concert - 2pm.

Out of 10 or 12 events in his reception year, DH and I only been able to go to two between the two of us, and I can't help but wonder how the other parents are managing? It's quite an affluent area, though, and tbh I've noticed that there are a lot of families with just one earner, and lots of mums/dads who are SAHP.

I just feel so sad at the thought of yet another picnic tomorrow where he's going to be all by himself while lots of the other children will have either their mums or dads there... Why do they organise these things at a time when most working parents can never attend?

[trinity0097]

As children get older events tend to get later and move into the evening rather than in the day time.

Teachers are only contracted to work for 1265 hours a year, by the time you add in the usual lessons, duties, PPA, meetings, Inset, parents evenings it doesn't actually leave much scope for much else, especially as something in the evening would need to include trapped time, e.g. If a concert on at 6.30pm for example would mean that the teacher stays on at school until the concert and they go home afterwards.

I think that if you chose to have children you have to chose to either take holidays to go to special events, or have a kind employer that will let you be flexible, or just don't both go.

[AnnieLobeseder]

I had a rant about our school holding most events at 2:30. 9 am or even 9:30 are sometimes do-able for working parents if you can get permission to come in an hour or so late. But to get back for 2:30 means you need to take a whole afternoon off.

School said they have the events in the afternoon because of school assembly in the morning, but I think they must have realised there was some sense in what I said because most events are now first thing in the morning.

But: I have found that most primary schools seem to assume there is a handy parent at home ready to drop everything and
a) bake endless cupcakes
b) sew last-minute costumes
c) pick up children when the school closes early due to snow/sun/random act of god
d) collect children late (eg 4:30) after school trips when it's too late for after-school club

[mrsflowerpot]

Schools are under increasing pressure to show how they encourage parental involvement (it was mentioned in our recent Ofsted for eg - am governor not teacher) so that's why there can seem to be lots of minor events where parents are invited in.

I don't make it to everything - dh and I manage about 50% between us but we're both lucky to have relatively flexible work patterns - but I've stopped worrying about it too much. I do make a special effort if it's a special event, eg playing an instrument, or a speaking part for instance.

What I do notice is that any event where any sort of parental interaction (ie not just sitting videoing events from a row of tiny chairs) is involved, you never just have your own child with you, but a couple of others who don't have a parent with them and who latch on. When it's 'look round the classroom' type things I make sure I find a child who doesn't have mum or dad there and get them to show me their stuff, and most other parents there do the same. Because I always hope that someone will do that for dd when I'm not there. You do get to know the kids in the primary class quite well over the years, so it's not an unnatural thing to do.

[maddy68]

Erm it's because that's what time schools are open?

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

Our school does this a lot - either 9.30am or 2.30pm. A few workshops at 7pm. Today though the school clashed the yr6 Leavers thing with the yrR picnic and I have a child in each year so I had to miss the picnic much to my dd's consternation. We do have a lot of sahm's at our school though - and, yes, I am one of the mums who regularly does school drop off in gym kit. But it's usually because I run with the dog straight from school run.

OP - the trick is to make good friends with other parents in your dc's class who can attend and have them 'look out for' your dc. I regularly look out for one of my dd's friends because both of the parents work ft and find it difficult to attend.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect the school to not do these events at school in school hours because (rightly or wrongly) it ticks a box for Offsted.

[JackNoneReacher]

I don't think you have a clue about other parents circumstances. Many, many parents at the school my children attend work for themselves/from home/odd hours to allow them to be involved with and support the school.

Dropping off in gym kit doesn't make you a SAHP it just means you're running home to start work.

[Crocodilehunter]

www.notonthehighstreet.com/madelovinglymade/product/personalised-the-day-you-became-my-mummy

Next birthday/christmas present to ex of dd perhaps?

[Crocodilehunter]

Oops sorry wrong thread

[Oubliette0292]

I can cope with things like assemblies, sports day etc being during the school day. However, other things drive me mad. The school is struggling to recruit enough parent governers. I'd happily volunteer, except for the fact that governers meetings are held at 3.30pm. Totally impossible for anyone who works full time.

[PinkSippyCup]

I think suggesting picnics/ sports days etc after school has finished is just ridiculous.

Most of the children wouldn't turn up! These events are for the children and not the parents, if you can come- great! If not, then oh well.

Maybe schools should ban parents from coming to anything. Would that make it fairer?

[AnnieLobeseder]

Who's been making comments about mums dropping off in gym kit? How is that relevant?

I drop off in gym kits cos I cycle to work. Or on more enthusiastic days, run there.

[JackNoneReacher]

The OP
it's a state school but in a high earning area (yy to parents in gym kit!!) so I think 1 working parent is probably the norm

which is a huge jump to make.

[Joiningthegang]

Yanbu - but every one is right they can't please everyone. -apparently secondary school much easier than primary in this regard.

I have 3 dc and can be asked to come to an average of 6 things a month - impossible to cover and still have enough leave for holidays - the dc and I have to just suck it up I'm afraid - although that doesn't stop me moaning!

[CloudsAndTrees]

Many of these events wouldn't happen at all if they didn't happen in school time, and I think it's better for children to have special school events without parents there than to not have them at all. Schools are there to cater for children, not parents!

I work with reception, we are always conscious of children whose parents can't come and we make a fuss of them as much as we can.

[kickassangel]

OP - I am in total agreement with you.

I used to teach at a school that would NOT let me have time off for things - unless dd was seriously ill (a co worker had her dd in hospital & was allowed one day unpaid leave).

DD's school had anything that involved raising money for the school in the evening, and other things on during the day. When I complained they told me that they allowed THEIR teachers time off, so surely I could get time off.

I was livid, but we were about to move, so not worth pursuing.

WHEN are schools going to acknowledge that often women work (and they DO assume that mum is home to do things) and that the dcs end up feeling left out? It is a form of discrimination, as they are refusing to include those families where there isn't a parent at home. Anything which excludes people either directly or indirectly (by saying you're welcome to come, but we won't put it on at a time to include you) is ensuring that the dc whose parent(s) work feel left out.

Having something at the start/end of the day would make things SO much easier for working parents.

Obviously they can't fit in everyone, but refusing to be flexible is knowingly excluding people.

[babyhmummy01]

I agree that schools are damned which ever way it works for all the reasons stated here. Although its interesting to see I am not the only one who finds it amusing that fundraising events take place outside school hours.

I think that schools should give more warning though. My dsd's school are a swine at telling us a week before said event and dp has to give a min 2 weeks notice for holiday requests so often has to miss them.

[MadeOfStarDust]

HAHAHAHA to secondary being easier... we get to go to parents evenings/meetings/concerts/displays of work at 8pm - "Younger siblings will not be accommodated, please do not attend with them" We get to drop them for school trips at 4.15 IN THE MORNING and pick them up at 1AM

So everything is outside school hours, but my goodness they like to make it hard.....

[CloudsAndTrees]

I don't suppose you are asked to pick up or drop of for secondary trips just because the school 'likes to make it hard'.

Oddly enough, I don't suppose teachers like being responsible for other people's children at those times of the day. Could it perhaps be because of flight/coach times to various places?

[MadeOfStarDust]

I know.... it is because of coach times to the chunnel - but it is hard for single folks with more than one child, having to choose whether to leave one in bed, or get them up to come with you - ( in a taxi as there is no public transport at that time of day) ... or having to use babysitters for an hour and a half of school concert...

just making the point that the problems don't stop when they go to secondary school....

[MammaTJ]

I work full time, as does DP. He works days, I work nights! I do make it to most events because I just go without sleep to do so. So far so good! I do understand there are those who have to work but what shocks me is the number of people who don't work, have no other reason not to go, but still do not bother!

[intheshed]

I think you ceetainly wouldn't be unreasonable so ask that things like literacy/numeracy support sessions are held at 7pm - at least there would be a chance one of you could make it. DD's school usually holds a daytime and an evening session.

As for assemblies etc, there's not much you can do about that! Ask another parent to video it for you?

[BoneyBackJefferson]

You know as a teacher I wouldn't mind some of the stuff being later on in the day but I think that the OP has overlooked several areas.

The times that are suitable for the OP are most likely unsuitable for everyone else.
Other parents have children of different ages so 6 till 9 is out as some are being put to bed.
3 till 5 is out as we run clubs and have meetings.
5 till 6 the kids have to be fed at some point.
The OP works shifts but what about those that work 12 hour shifts? do they run form 6 till 6, 7 till 7 etc.?

or are they doing 8 hr. shifts 6 till 2, 2 till 10, 10 till 6?

That doesn't include when the teachers get to see their families, if you have an event at 5 and the teacher lives 30 minutes away they don't go home.

When are the teachers going to mark the children's work? or are they supposed to just suck it up and do more at home?

You may feel prejudiced against but school is run for the benefit and education of the children.

[foreverondiet]

Some stuff has to be during school day, however school could try a bit more to help working parents, eg plays at 9am not 9.45am. Talks on numeracy etc could be done in evenings, are at my DCs school.

Picnics / concerts I think reasonable to be at 2pm when do you want them to be?

[CloudsAndTrees]

The reason that plays start at slightly awkward times in the morning in my experience is because the children and staff need time to prepare and get ready for the play. It's better for the children if they have that time rather than being expected to be on stage and ready to perform ten minutes after they have got into school and hung their coat up.