To think it's maternity leave not housewife leave, and act accordingly?

[maternitart]

I'm on maternity leave at the moment and my priority is spending time with DS and making the most of the time off.

I try to clean up after us both and maybe do some of the everyday stuff like emptying the dishwasher, hanging out laundry etc during the day but I rarely do any housework like vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, changing the beds etc. I do do some cooking, cleaning or sorting in evenings and weekends while my DH is with DS.

Something my mum said however made me think perhaps AIBU, lazy, or unfair to DH. Am I? Should I take on the lion's share of keeping house and do more during the day?

Mumsnet Jury: YOU decide!

[pointythings]

It should be very simple:

1. Equal leisure time.
   
2. You both agree on the minimum housework you can live with and do that.
   
   Standards dropped drastically in our house when the DDs came along and we're all still here.
   
   And hoovering up toast crumbs the moment they happen? Really?

[foreverondiet]

I think it depends on what else you are doing and how whether you can afford a cleaner. eg well behaved baby and struggle to afford cleaner, and getting enough sleep - then yes, should do some cleaning.

Sleep deprived, baby who needs held all the time, other children to deal with etc no don't clean.

[arethereanyleftatall]

YABU. And really really selfish. I would feel guilty if my dh was working and I wasn't, and lets face it, looking after one baby is not hard work.
You can entertain the baby whilst you clean as effectively as if you're doing nothing. I hoovered with dds in a sling,, mopped passing a ball to them with every sweep etc etc
I felt I owed it to my DH,, who was bringing in all the money, to have the house tidy for him .
And it's not split, I think there's only about 2 posters who say yanbu, and a lot more who say you are.

[prettybird]

I am both and at some of the 50s judgy attitudes here. The OP deserves better.

She hasn't said she sits around doing nothing.

I know when ds was young - and despite the fact he was good sleeper - I was permanently exhausted. Because he wasn't gaining weight, I was waking him up during the night to feed him. It look me a loooong time to get organised. Going out was a major expedition.

As many people have pointed out, it's maternity leave, not cleaning leave.

It's nothing to do with your MIL or mother. If your dp is happy with what you're doing, then stuff 'em.

I like the idea that some have mentioned of ensuring that you both have equal free time. Remember to factor in the amount of time it takes you to get ready to go out with ds (BTW - it does get easier! ). Also, if you are still going to post-natal exercise classes, they count as maternity "care" and are part of the "job".

[WorraLiberty]

If you're home all day and partner is at work all day then yes of course, why not? Do you really define your life by employment law and terms. It seems like splitting hairs to me.YABU

This ^^ it all sounds a bit 'business like' really.

Just do what you can

[Bogeyface]

It does seem to me that you are proving a point rather than just doing whatever needs to be done to make life easier for everyone.

OK, so some days the baby is unsettled and you cant do anything else, thats fine. Those are the days when you both share it after your DH comes home. On the days where he is a dream, happy, sleeps well, then why not do a bit of cleaning if it means that you and your DH get a bit more couple time in the evening?

Its give and take and it seems to me that you are so frightened to give in case it ends up that all your DH does is take. Thats a reasonable fear if you were married to an entitled arse, but it doesnt sound like you are to me.

[Bogeyface]

to me to me to me (to you!). Sorry, very poorly written post, but you get the idea!

[OrangeLily]

Haha oh dear god. Why on earth should you! You are completely correct that you are on maternity leave not cleaning leave. A lot of the attitudes on this forum appear to be rather 'programmed' to be honest.

I have much more holiday time due to my career, than DH has, this doesn't mean that I stay at home all day fecking cleaning. Frankly, personally, I find cleaning to be utterly boring. If he had wanted a housewife, he would have married one.

Choose wisely

[KobayashiMaru]

I don't see what is so programmed, or 50's, or judgy to say that you live in a house that does need some cleaning. We all do it, its not demeaning. Men clean, women clean, in my house the children clean too.
In fact some of these resposnses sound more like " Oh I couldn't possibly do some house work, I've got a baby doncha know!"

[OrangeLily]

But if she doesn't want to clean above and beyond her 'normal' tasks then why the hell should she? Up to a year of carrying out tasks she doesn't enjoy (alongside new motherhood) would be mind numbing.

[Bogeyface]

I dont think anyone is saying that she should clean Orange, I certainly wasnt. Just that it makes life run much more smoothly if everyone does what needs to be done when they can.

If I was her then I would rather spend the odd times during the day putting washing on, loading the dishwasher, running the hoover round and hanging the washing out than using an precious hour of "us" time with my husband. I would far rather spend time with him cuddling on the sofa or eating a meal together and catching up than having a conversation with one head in the dishwasher and other in the laundry basket.

[pinkr]

It's your house....surely you must take some pride in it and do basic jobs? No one is saying you need to scrub the skirtings etc but washing etc is a necessity in my book and I couldn't just leave it lying for dh to do. I'm enjoying maternity as I can cook meals more from scratch which is something that slips a bit when you work full time...I can also spend more time making sure my house and garden is well tended and this makes me happy as I think it's nice to have time to do such things without the stresses of work.
Dh works hard during the day .and I'm happy to play the 50s housewife...I only wish we could afford for me to be able to be one all the time!

[Annunziata]

Why shouldn't the OP do ordinary household tasks like vacuuming, dusting or cleaning the bathroom? If the DH is expected to be able do them while working full time, she can also do it while looking after the baby.

[Bogeyface]

I found it quite interesting that she said that when she has time she prepares the babys meals or does the babys washing.

Do they need everything done seperately?

Be careful OP, babys are PART of the family, not the head of it.

[KobayashiMaru]

Someone has to do it. Get a cleaner and sit and watch them do it if you like. Or live in a shit tip, why would we care? But don't start all this stepford housewife shit at those of us who can flick a duster around while also raising one small baby. Do it, don't do it, whatever, but don't pretend cleaning your own house is beneath you.

[NiceTabard]

These threads are always so black and white.

All families are different. All people and babies are different.

There are many reasons why a woman at home on mat leave shouldn't be chastised for not performing various household tasks if the situation doesn't lend itself. Let alone ones which take a long time and involve heavy duty chemicals

[maternitart]

I should also mention that DH will be taking 3 months parental leave while I support us financially. I won't expect him to do any more housework than I do now.

I'm not trying to make a point (well maybe I am on here but not IRL), I never stop for more than a few minutes (long enough to go to the loo or shove a quick sandwich together) on the average day.

[Turniptwirl]

Depends who is doing the stuff you're not doing. If you expect dh to do it then yabu. It's his baby too and he has fewer hours with pfb so why should he clean up after you when you've been home with baby all day.

If you have a cleaner then its fine since everything will be getting done and you and dh both get time to gaze adoringly at baby.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Out of genuine interest op, what do you do all day? And how old is your DC? you have detailed you entertain him, doing what?

[OrangeLily]

At the end of the day. Do what makes you, DH and baby happy. If a balance is struck excellent. Don't feel guilty because its not your thing.

[WorraLiberty]

I never stop for more than a few minutes (long enough to go to the loo or shove a quick sandwich together) on the average day.

You never stop what?

It's a genuine question btw, not a sarky one.

[SaucyJack]

I'm not sure scrubbing remnants off the toilet bowl is many people's "thing" Orange..........

It's just something that needs doing.

[Doingakatereddy]

Interesting thread - I'm on maternity leave, have DS 3 (normal boisterous, bouncing off the Walls type) and 3 mo DD (won't be fecking well put down)

On a fortnight cycle, I manage to strip beds, Hoover, do bathroom etc. DH helps a bit, but to be Frank it's man cleaning so fairly superficial.

I have to ask, as maybe I'm depriving my kids but wtf would you do all bloody day, five days a week to not find the time to clean a bit?

[dreamingbohemian]

I think it depends on how long it would take you to do more, ie how big is your home, do you have pets, etc.

For example, when I was on ML, we lived in a 2 bed flat, no garden, small rooms, I could keep everything really clean and organised on 30 minutes a day. I had 9 hours to do it in, why wouldn't I do it? DH still did the washing up and shopping so no Stepford issues or anything.

How long would it take you to do more of the stuff you're currently not doing? Because if we're talking about an extra 15-30 minutes a day, that really doesn't seem so crazy, especially if it means you could spend more time with your DH at night and weekends.

[angeltulips]

Always amazed at the mn doublethink that happens between

"You're there to look after your child on mat leave, it's like WORK because you would have to PAY for someone to care for your child otherwise"

And

"You shouldn't include DHs time w child as "work" - unless you count spending time with your own children as work"

Just an observation really.

To answer the op, I did more housework than the zero i do whilst at work when on mat leave bc I had more time. A bit like when I'm at work and I have a spare 20mins (doesn't happen nearly often enough!) I pay a couple of household bills or catch up on some admin - I don't refuse to do it because it's not my job.

But whatever works for you and DH is fine. I know mine would have been royally hacked off if he'd come home to a messy house and me raving about how much FUN I'd had at the park - but then DH has always had higher cleaning standards than me anyway that's why we had a cleaner even when we were students