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AIBU?

AIBU to think that since I spent my first child free Saturday in months helping my friend decorate she should have offered to drive me home?

81 replies

WeAreEternal · 13/07/2013 21:19

I live 15 miles away from where my friend.

There is no direct bus between our towns, you have to go via another town and get a connecting bus, so the journey takes two hours and fourty five minutes. There is also a 55 minute wait between the busses, so all in all the journey takes two hours and fourty minutes.

There are only three busses each day that tally up with the connecting busses, otherwise there would be an even longer wait.

I traveled through this morning and I dropped subtle hints about wanting a lift, but she never offered.

I have been scraping paper, putting up paper, painting and sanding all day, I am exhausted, and now I have a really long journey home, on my own this late at night.

I know that I should have asked for a lift, but I think that is rude so I wouldn't, and I know it isn't her responsibility to drive me (I can't drive ATM for medical reasons) but since I have spent my first child free Saturday in several months helping her decorate then she could have offered to drive me home.

Honestly I might not have even accepted, ok I probably would have done.

OP posts:

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NatashaBee · 13/07/2013 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 13/07/2013 21:47

Did she give you any food when you were there? Don't say you brought a packed lunch for you both!

ENormaSnob · 13/07/2013 21:48

She should've offered.

But, did you force the help upon her iyswim?

My lovely gran does similar tbh. Insists on coming over to help when it isnt really needed. But she is lovely and i wouldnt dream of not taking her home.

SamuelWestsMistress · 13/07/2013 21:48

I can't believe she didn't offer! That's really mean. 15 miler really takes no time at all in the car. Knowing what your journey involves and letting you do it is pretty shitty.

DuttyWine · 13/07/2013 21:53

£24 for a bus???? Where abouts is that? She should have offered to pay a taxi if not a lift? Would a taxi have been much more? The next city to us is 15 miles and we find a taxi cheaper than buses and trains!

ExcuseTypos · 13/07/2013 21:57

You are a very kind friend.

She should have given you a lift home and given you food and . it's very selfish of her not too.

I wouldn't offer to help her again.

Do something for yourself next time you have a free weekend.

pictish · 13/07/2013 21:58

Round here you'd get a taxi 15 miles for less than £24!

Where is that bus travel between two places 15 miles apart costs £24?

WeAreEternal · 13/07/2013 21:59

She met me in town when i arrived and we went to M&S and bough some a meal each, but a paid for my own.

I certainly didn't force my help on her, she was complaining that she only has 4 days off work but has so much to do, so I said i would be happy to lend a hand, which she was really pleased about.

She did say thank you for my help.

OP posts:

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 13/07/2013 22:01

She met me in town when i arrived and we went to M&S and bough some a meal each, but a paid for my own.

She is a female cocklodger. But worse - as you don't get any sex. Where's Anyfucker . I'm sure her advice would be just as relevant in this situation

Lweji · 13/07/2013 22:01

I know it isn't her responsibility to drive me

You are helping her, so yes it is.
Unless she paid you or something.

She is a terrible friend.

I give lifts to lots of people even without them doing favours for me.

Does she do anything on return?

QueenStromba · 13/07/2013 22:09

That's really mean of your friend. You paid £24 on the bus plus you own lunch costs? So it's cost you about £30 plus an extra 5 hours on top of the time you spent helping her?

If I was going to help a friend with DIY all day and the transport situation was that dire then I'd expect to be picked up and dropped off if they had a car. Living in London, I'd just go there on the tube and pay for that myself but would be put out if I didn't get lunch and/or a couple of beers in return (i.e. at least making back my transport costs). I honestly don't know anyone who'd accept help with DIY and not at least buy a pizza and some beer.

LilacPeony · 13/07/2013 22:14

I'd have a bit of a moan to her about the journey and the time it took so she knows what you have done for her. eg. "God can't believe the bus cost £24 and it took so and so time to get home. I'd hoped to use my first child free time to go out in the evening but was too tired. " She sounds like someone who needs it spelled out to her. At least then she will know that she owes you big time. Could she do babysitting or help you in some way, such as give you a lift somewhere? Don't let yourself be used like this again, use your next free time to do something nice for you.

Bugsylugs · 13/07/2013 22:18

Definitely she should have picked you up given you a lift back or paid for a taxi. If it was my friend and I knew she could not drive I would do this provide lunch, dinner and wine or such and a bed if preferred.
Rubbish selfish friend think carefully

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 13/07/2013 22:40

You're a mug for not insisting on a lift. Her behaviour is outrageous but you should have specified that you would help only if she picked you up and dropped you off.

Panzee · 13/07/2013 22:44

She should have offered but you should have asked. Ah well, you'll know better next time. :) Would she have given you a lift if you'd asked?

taleteller · 13/07/2013 22:47

She is totally mean.

However you were being a martyr. You should have said something to her. Some people just don't think/don't realise. I sometimes think back to things I did when I was younger that I genuinely didn't realise how the other person would have felt. In the circumstances if you had said "would you be able to give me a lift home?" or even "could you give me a lift to the town where you change buses" it would not have been rude at all.

There is this funny British politeness which as I am not British I just dont get sometimes. Like if someone doesn't offer you a drink - instead of going home to complain about it later or dropping subtle hints about what a warm day it is - why not just say "oh do you mind if I get a glass of water" which will probably prompt the offer of a drink anyway.

Anyway I hope you get home safely and the buses are on time.

WeAreEternal · 13/07/2013 22:56

I don't know.

She is a good friend and a lovely person but she can be a little 'tight' when it come to doing something for someone when she doesn't want/need to do it.
But if I asked her to help me decorate I know that she would come and help.

I'm sat at the bus station now waiting for my next bus.
I'm really tired.

OP posts:

WeAreEternal · 13/07/2013 23:04

The other town is twice the distance away, hence why it take so long to get home.

I made it pretty clear that I was not looking forward to the wait between busses.
I had asked a friend to come and meet me for a coffee, but she had plans for tonight.

I think in her eyes I don't need a lift as I am able to get the bus, she doesn't want to drive all of that way and it was my choice to come knowing the journey.
Honestly I can't really argue with it. It just would have been nice if she had offered.

OP posts:

helenthemadex · 13/07/2013 23:07

she is beyond rude and really thoughtless, I have friends who help me with all sorts but in return they would get fed and a lift or if they were not needed a favour in return

baskingseals · 13/07/2013 23:09

WeAreEternal, this is really not ok.
You are a lovely, kind, generous person. Use those gifts wisely, not towards people who don't appreciate you.

AlfalfaMum · 13/07/2013 23:18

Yanbu, I'd feel a bit taken advantage of in that situation.

If I was making excuses for her, though, I'd say she was probably feeling tired too after the decorating and just didn't consider you or your needs? Actually, nah, it's just really selfish behaviour.

nancy75 · 13/07/2013 23:24

I can't believe she didn't even buy the stuff in M&S! i think your friend is taking the piss. fgs if i have someone here decorating and i'm paying them i make them a sandwich or something, let alone a friend helping for nothing! As for the lift home she is just bloody selfish

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Mia4 · 13/07/2013 23:54

YANBU, she sounds selfish and a user. Personally I'd not bother again or even text her when you're home saying you're back so it's very clear just how long it took you.

Horopu · 14/07/2013 06:09

YANBU Op. Feeling guilty now as my sister came half way round the world (literally) to help me paint DS3's bedroom. Still it did look amazing when we had finished and I let her help me pick the apples off our trees to help her get over her jetlag. And she got lots of hugs from her nephews.

SignoraStronza · 14/07/2013 07:06

Did you phone 'to let her know you're home safely'?

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