to want to push this performance parent off the train?

[K8Middleton]

I'm on the London to Brighton train. There is a man with a four year old boy loudly performance parenting. The kid wants to just look out the window but every time he just sits quietly performance dad starts with Tim [not his real name], can you see the children? Tim, let's count to 40! Tiiiiiiim, where is the window? Is it on the left or right? Tiiiiiiiiim, when you go to school what month with it be?

AIBU to shove him out the window?

[Emilythornesbff]

I think there's a lot of criticism I general of parents and their "styles"
I used to reassure ppl that others won't be judging them for their personal differences.
Since finding aibu I know that not to be the case.

[rockybalboa]

Ha, snort to the PP being your DP!! Nice work with the sleeping infant!

[Emilythornesbff]

[YouTheCat]

But I will judge.

I will judge the parent who swears and shouts at their children in the street as being crap. It's kind of like PP for chavs.

I will judge the parent who says 'now in French' to their 2 year old, loudly, and whilst looking at me and not the child. They are pretentious knobs.

I won't judge someone merely engaging and chatting to their child.

[schoolgovernor]

Can't help wondering if some people have read the thread...

[Emilythornesbff]

Yes I get that youthecat

But much judging goes on even without the extremes you describe.
I think it's unnecessary, unkind and a distraction from getting on with one's own parenting.

[theodorakisses]

I hope I don't offend but, whilst really mean and meant lightheartedly, loved the comment my mum made after a visit from a particularly unbearable father who loudly proclaimed over a (beautiful) 3 month old for 6 hours over lunch and then told us that "freddie" had told him that he wanted us to bite his little bum when his dirty nappy was being changed. She said "I don't know why he didn't just slap his testes on the table and have done with it"

[YouTheCat]

Emily, most people don't judge. I judge the extremes. Most people are too wrapped up in their own thoughts to even look at what other people are doing.

Lmao @ Theodora's mum.

[JuliaScurr]

stillin that really upset me
the poor little child

[Emilythornesbff]

And I know it's a bit OT.
But a bit of understanding wouldn't go amiss.
Sometimes if a parent is swearing or shoutng they'rer likely to be very stressed and upset and maybe don't have the skills at hand to manage the situation calmly. I know it's upsetting to see but dismissing someone as a chav is hurtful and divisive and certain,y doesn't help the child.
Ok, ok. I'll go and Finish my ironing and polish my girl scout buckle now.

[TigerFeet]

Performance parenting bothers me because it isn't about the child.

Parent and child discussing things, child may be bright/vocal etc, parent encouraging... fine... the child is getting something out of it. This could be dd2 and me.

Parent talking at the child when the child clearly isn't interested and wants a bit of time to let the world go by... not fine. Children have as much right to sit quietly on a train and look out the window as adults do.

[YouTheCat]

Ok - example. Woman on bus loudly admonishing child to 'sit the fuck down', whilst looking around the bus in a 'come and challenge me' way. What is wrong with asking and saying please? It isn't rocket science. That's not about lacking the skills. She wasn't at the end of her tether.

[littlepeas]

I accident did some performance parenting yesterday. Was getting dd (3) dresses for ballet (at ballet) and she started pointing to butterflies on a newby baby's carseat and saying 'papillon'. She is learning French at pre-school. I was actually a bit mortified, but the more I tried to dumb it down, the worse I sounded! 'Well done sweetie! Papillon is the French word for butterfly, isn't it dd? In English we say butterfly.' Cringe! I am not a showy off sort if parent at all. I have also sent her to French today with a copy if Les Miserables (book) as it was the only French thing I could find in the house this morning when she informed me she needed to take something in! Saw much less pretentious lavender in garden when it was too late. Really want to email the French teacher and tell her I am not a ridiculous, pushy parent who sends 3 tear old to pre-school with copy of enormous, difficult book (which I haven't read).

[littlepeas]

*accidently

[littlepeas]

*dressed!

[littlepeas]

Loads more typos! I give up!

[Emilythornesbff]

I know youthecat
I hear you.
But I stand by what I say about some situations.

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

I thought for a moment that you'd handed your baby to a complete stranger in an attempt to shut him up :) Extreme measures..,

[PrincessScrumpy]

Puzzled, shouldn't we be happy parent is talking to their child? And how on earth can you tell child isn't sen? Hmmm. Having said that I hate having to listen to other people's conversations (unless they're juicy or hideously idiotic which is just entertaining) so I'd take head phones.

[PrincessScrumpy]

Hang on, so it's wrong to encourage a child who is learning French to see a butterfly and speak French? I do talk to my child life this and explain everything - it's not about what people around me think is about the fact children are sponges and take in everything so why not make the most of it. If others judge me (and this thread suggests they do) then good for them, dd is performing well at school and we are a high achieving family... Guess it works for us.

[Sparklingbrook]

Princess have you read the whole thread?

[PrincessScrumpy]

No, i'm sure there are sensible comments too, just had a quick scan and a few comments caught my eye. Supposed to be working but keep getting distracted.

[Sparklingbrook]

If you get chance to read it Princess it makes more sense.