to want to push this performance parent off the train?

[K8Middleton]

I'm on the London to Brighton train. There is a man with a four year old boy loudly performance parenting. The kid wants to just look out the window but every time he just sits quietly performance dad starts with Tim [not his real name], can you see the children? Tim, let's count to 40! Tiiiiiiim, where is the window? Is it on the left or right? Tiiiiiiiiim, when you go to school what month with it be?

AIBU to shove him out the window?

[onestonedown]

haa haa great thread but I have to throw this one in the pot - we were at the Build-a-bear workshop last week and they have to kiss the heart and make a wish.

had me and DH sniggering for hours as the parents behind us said "make a wish, gemma" and she said "ummmm maybe a new bike" "oh no gemma you should wish for world peace"... pause.. "ummm OK dad, I wish or world peace" "Oh theres a good girl gemma, well done you" "OH ISN:T SHE WONDERFUL WISHING FOR WORLD PEACE"

My DH was beside himself I had to stop him form saying "actually your 4 year old wanted to wish for a bike!!"

[MamaBear17]

I'm the type of parent who will engage my kid in conversation during mundane activities. Partly because if I engage her in an activity there is a good chance she will stay seated and not disrupt other people. Partly because she is my kid, I work full time and I try and make the most of our time together. It really is a performance, but for my kid, not for anyone else (and I am quiet enough so as not to annoy anyone else). Better than sitting on Facebook and ignoring her.

[exoticfruits]

Engaging your child in conversation is quite different- it assumes waiting for some sort of response from the child.

[hazeyjane]

Um, unless the child is unable to respond, Exotic (obviously not wanting to start a 'sen bunfight'!)

Yes, yes I realise that the op was talking about her own dh, but I just don't get how I have managed to avoid ever seeing anyone doing this 'performance parenting'.

[exoticfruits]

I was talking to an 8 month baby today. You need to give pauses- they may not speak but they do respond. If you always address them like a public meeting they get used to your voice and it just flows over them- the parent answers their own questions and steam rollers on and when they can talk they don't understand they need to take part!
You are jolly lucky if you have avoided it- although I will amend that - it is actually very funny! ( if you are just a bystander)

[YouTheCat]

I think the one with the mum loudly encouraging her ds to speak French is hilarious.

I had years of chatting to ds and getting no response. I still get no response and he's 18 now. But seriously there is a wealth of difference between trying to get a 4 year old to say 'Mum' and getting your child to give a loud rendition of all the dinosaurs they know.

[exoticfruits]

If you haven't heard it, hazeyjane, I would recommend Waitrose. It is really anywhere the parent wants to show off their DCs superior knowledge. Unfortunately it is generally one sided.

[BlackeyedSusan]

fabulous. glad you got him to shut up

[pigletmania]

Dd is autistic, if she is quiet and looking out the window than leave her too it. Sometimes Chidren just wnt to be leftalone and not have constant interaction

[thebody]

Dd on train journey to London aged 11.. We were playing cards, she went to the loo and on return said loudly 'deal me in mom' loud and brummie..

Proud I am.

[ZingWidge]

@ you should wish for world peace

Hahaha!!!

[McGeeDiNozzo]

Yeah, as a 'neurologically odd' kid myself, if my parents tried any of that talkative, constant-intervention stuff with me I'd have bawled them out and demanded to be given a book about the Kings and Queens of England so I could make a list of all their birth and death dates.

That said, incidents like these are wonderful times to people-watch. Nothing better than something actually happening on a train.

[hazeyjane]

I end up in Waitrose nearly every day, still yet to see anything like the stuff described on these threads. I hear people talking, sometimes loudly to their children about all sorts of stuff, but I have just never heard anyone do anything like the, 'wish for world peace' thing.

I understand how to talk to a child leaving a pause for response, but sometimes a running commentary is a good distraction, maybe it's like having a radio on in the background. I guess as well, it might seem as though I'm not leaving a pause for response because ds is signing.

I know that there is always an eyeroll on these theads when someone brings up their childs sn (unless you are saying, well I have a child with sn and never do it....) but I bring it up because I know people seeing me out with ds might well think I am one of these 'dreadful performance parents', but like mamabear said, the performance is really for him.

[exoticfruits]

It is perfectly possible hazeyjane to do all that without drawing attention to yourself- I don't expect that you are doing it loudly to impress all passers by - that is the difference.

[HoratiaNelson]

So now actually engaging with one's children in a public place is outlawed by MN because someone might overhear and be irritated, sigh...

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

That's not what it is.

Engaging with your child is fine. It's great.

Talking at your child in a pretentious way while looking round constantly to see who might be observing you and be Impressed is pathetic.

Big big difference between actually interacting with your child and using them for show.

You can tell the difference because a parent interacting with their child will be interacting with their child. A performance parent will be loudly interacting with their child and looking at you to make sure you're attentive.

[exoticfruits]

I can't understand why people can't tell the simple difference between engaging with your children in a public place and performance parenting.
The first is of no interest to others - the second could be used by stand up comics to give us all a laugh!

[hazeyjane]

That is what I have never seen, though. Maybe I am completely blinkered to it, or I am too busy talking loudly to my own children about kumquats and French philosophy, but honestly I have never seen anyone doing the 'talk, look around to see if anyone is looking impressed' thing.

[exoticfruits]

We need LeQueen- she does a wonderful take off for those who can't tell the difference.

[exoticfruits]

You are just missing a lot of fun hazeyjane and are not in the right place at the right time.

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

Then you've never seen performance parenting .

The thing that separates it from just plain talking to your kids is that they can't stop looking to see if you're impressed. If you'd ever seen it - you'd know.

I go round shops prompting my teenagers. If you buy this and this how much will it be, how much change will you have, which X is better... They have autism and I am teaching them life skills. I'm not performing.

If I was doing that in a stage whisper while repeatedly checking to see if the woman by the eggs had noticed - I would be.

[exoticfruits]

I always used the supermarket with mine to count carrots etc- no one would have known- they were actually counting them too. I have never heard the poor child get a word in edgeways with the performance parent- if she has said they will count she then proceeds to do it for them!

[HenWithAttitude]

I have travelled on trains with people engaging brilliantly and quietly with their DC.

Performance parenting is the equivalent of talking really loudly on the phone.

Not everyone wants to share your conversations and children do not need to be spoken to as if you are the teacher in front of 30 children....

I think the funniest bit is people indignantly leaping to the PPs defence not realising it was OP's DH

[FamiliesShareGerms]

I've never seen performance parenting in full flow either - shame, as it sounds fun

[Emilythornesbff]

But I think lots of people talk to their children in a "jollying along" way and I don't have a problem with it. I'd doesn't mean they don't leave pauses or neve allow quiet. It's like hazey says, like a distraction for them.